Six Months in Paris
by Blueberry-Pie2
Summary: Bella and Edward are best friends, in love. But what will happen when Bella has to move to Paris for six months? She hopefully comes back to Forks, only to find out that Edward now has a fiancée, Sheila. AH
1. Forever Dazzled

**Disclaimer: Do I really need one? Everybody knows I don't own Twilight. **

**SIX MONTHS IN PARIS**

**Summary: **Bella and Edward are best friends, in love. But what will happen when Bella has to move to Paris for six months? She hopefully comes back to Forks, only to find out that Edward now has a fiancée, Sheila. AH

Chapter 1

Forever Dazzled

For what felt like the hundredth time that day, my heart took an extra beat as Edward slid his hand into mine in a casual gesture. He had never done such a thing ever before, and I blushed nervously.

Edward and I had been best friends for as long as I could remember, and I had had a crush on him for what felt like an even longer time. I remember always being terrified that anyone would find out, or even worse, that _Edward_ would find out about it. The embarrassment that would come with it would be too hard to take. My golden rule was to always be more discrete than necessary, and some days were harder than others – like this one for an example.

Today was my eighteenth birthday, and we were on our way to something, a surprise, Edward was about to show me. I hated surprises, but Edward had been surprisingly stubborn about this one. It was unlike him to not give me the slightest clue of what was about to come.

"You'll see," was what he had told me, and it was driving me crazy.

As we reached his silver Volvo, he ran his fingers nervously through his bronze tousled hair, as if to consider what to do, and then awkwardly opened the door for me. He smiled a crooked smile that I had adored for ages, and closed the car door after I had taken a seat beside the driver's seat.

"Where are we going?" I asked him again as the engine purred to life.

He smiled. "I've told you Bella, you'll have to wait and see." A pair of piercingly, warm green eyes met mine, and I was instantly ready to faint. "It's not a long car drive," he said and smiled again. The smile warmed up my entire body; it reached all my cells and particles. There was something in the way he smiled – I wanted him to do it again, more, and only to me. Why couldn't he always smile?

When the wheels reached the start of a highway, I raised one eyebrow at him. Where were we actually going? He smiled again in reply, showing a line of perfectly white teeth, and in that very moment I knew that it wouldn't matter if the surprise was a meal at Burger King, nothing mattered as long as he would continue to smile at me. He was so beautiful when he smiled, it was as if all my troubles vanished the minute those dimples would appear on his cheeks.

We left the highway after a while to meet a small trail, and Edward parked the car next to a forest. He smiled smugly at me before closing the door after him.

I stepped out and eyed the destination with a skeptical look. A forest? Hiking? I had thought that Edward knew me better than that.

I folded my arms across my chest after he had locked the car and gave him a doubting gaze.

"Where are we going exactly?" I demanded.

"Hiking," he answered simply.

"Honestly, Edward, I thought you knew my better than that."

"You'll see," Edward replied with a shrewd smile and turned to walk in a different direction than I had been facing, he turned away from the trail.

"Hey! What about the trail?" I wondered as I ran after him.

"We're not following the trail, we're taking this way," he said and pointed towards a big green nothing inside the forest. Great.

Edward started to walk further and further away from where we had parked the car, and what other choice did I have than to run after him?

"Edward, wait!" I cried as I ran after him.

He stopped and turned around to smile at me, and I was instantly on pink puffy clouds. I couldn't really believe the effect he had on me, it was so strange how he made me feel. Nothing I had felt for a boy could be compared to what I felt for Edward. I was like his prisoner; I would do anything for him.

When I reached him, he took my hand in his. His hand was warm against mine, and I never wanted to remove my hand from our entwined grip, I wanted to lock our hands together forever. Because best friends held hands, right? Of course they did, otherwise Edward wouldn't have placed my hand in his…

I never wanted to let go of his warm, soft hand. What lotion was he using? His palm was so soft…

There was a way in which he had so casually placed my hand in his that made me consider the possibility that maybe this wasn't how best friends held hands. But as quickly as the thought had appeared inside my head, I removed it. Who was I fooling? Because it was only wish thinking. Nothing could be as absurd as that. Edward and I had been friends forever, it was bizarre to imagine that he would see me as anyone else as the person he would turned to if something screwed up.

We continued to walk without pauses or halts with the green dense forest surrounding us, and our hands were entwined the entire time. It made my heart pound extra fast in my chest. And sometimes, I would look up towards his face to see if he was smiling. Every time I did, he _was_ smiling, widely, and to me, for me, no one else. The knowledge of that he was smiling against me made my knees week, and, naturally, I blushed. Unfortunately, I blushed a lot too. Because I was Bella, and Bella blushed. I had done as long as I could remember – it was a reflex. I was unable to control my reddening cheeks.

I would have preferred to keep my cheeks in my usual skin tone instead of revealing how nervous I was, but obviously I had no say in what color my cheeks would be embellished with. It was too bad; I would have liked to show Edward that I was very comfortable and experienced with this. I _was_ very,_ very_, comfortable with the situation, but experienced was something that I was not, the opposite. It was too bad, really. I had never met anyone I actually _liked_, apart from Edward of course. My last crush had been when I was fourteen years old, four years ago, and I couldn't even remember the name of the boy I had liked. Edward overshadowed every person I had ever liked, and probably because I had had a crush on him for an eternity. And my feelings for him wasn't really decreasing, they were _in_creasing. I wanted to be with him all the time, I wanted to see him laugh and smile, I wanted to see him happy. As long as Edward was happy, I was happy.

I didn't know for how long we had been walking, because the only thing I had thought about was that Edward's hand was in mine, but suddenly I could spot a light about a hundred feet in front of us.

"Look, we're almost there!" Edward said with a wide smile. The gesture made me feel very aware of how my pulse was thudding wildly in my red and warm ears.

"Really? I thought it would be longer," I said.

Edward raised one eyebrow at me and shot a quick glance at his clock. "Bella, we've been walking for an _hour_."

"Oh," I said, surprised. "I didn't know that."

He smiled again. I smiled back, widely.

He reached out and stroked his fingertips carefully across my left cheek, and I stopped breathing. _Edward was touching me_. _Edward was touching my face_. I was surprised that I didn't start to hyperventilate in that exact moment. Instead, my heart was beating like a hammer in my chest, and I was unable to look away from his penetrating green eyes, they were so beautiful, I was drowning in them.

His hand stopped moving, and slowly cupped my chin. This was a moment I had only dreamed about, was it really happening? Did Edward like me? Did he want to be something more than best friends? And was he considering on kissing me? It seemed so surreal, too good to be true. Maybe the absurd thought I had had in my head before wasn't a silly wish.

We looked into each other's eyes for a few moments, and all that I was aware of was his hand touching my face. The skin under his hand became warmer by the second – his touch was so gentle. I never wanted him to drop the arm he was stroking my face with, so when he did, I sighed. Lowly though, so he wouldn't hear. He wouldn't kiss me after all. I knew that it had been silly to hope.

"You will love it," he whispered and took my hand again. "I promise."

"I already love it."

He tilted one eyebrow and looked at me, confused. I never received a reply; he quietly kept walking towards the light, and I followed him.

After a few more minutes of walking, an opening was visible between the dense trees. I eagerly ran towards it, wanting to reveal the surprise he had hidden from me.

A small, perfectly round, meadow appeared in front of my eyes as the trees disappeared around me. Flowers, in all different colors and shapes, were decorating the fresh grass. A soft floral scent was hovering over the place, and a peaceful stream was audible.

The sunlight was falling over the meadow, lighting up the most distant parts of it. It was beautiful, peaceful, simple. It epitomized the perfect lovely dream. An environment like this was fairy-tale like. The beauty was simply too stunning to seem to come off as real. I loved it.

Determined to experience more of it, I glided further into the circle to collect all the perfect features of nature. I inhaled deeply, filling my nostrils with fresh, unharmed, air, and closed my eyes slowly, listening to the distant stream.

I heard a low chuckle behind me, and turned around to see Edward behind me.

"Do you like it?" he wondered.

"_Of course_," I responded, awestruck of how he couldn't understand that it was impossible to _not_ like this meadow. "It's beautiful."

"I know," he said, and let his gaze fly over the lightly lit up place.

"I love it."

"Me, too," he said, and stopped his gaze at a violet flower next to his foot. He slowly bent down to pick it up, and carefully held it up to me. A weak smile appeared on his lips. "Here."

I blushed before he boldly put the flower behind my ear. He eyed his work critically, and then his gaze softened. "Pretty," he told me.

"Thanks."

He smiled instead of answering, and a brief pause filled the atmosphere, where we looked at each other.

His eyes were so beautiful, so soft and tender. But there was still something wild and free about the emerald color. It was the color of the sea that I would want to drown in. I could so easily get lost in those eyes, simply by staring into them for a few moments.

"When did you find this place?" I wondered, still amazed by its beauty.

"I found it when I went for a walk, a few months ago." he answered.

"Here? Outside of the trail?" I wanted to know.

"Yes," he said.

"You're insane," I replied with a smile.

"The trail isn't always the best way."

"It's the _safest_ way. You can get lost, I bet this forest is huge," I reminded him.

He raised one eyebrow at me. Then, his hand reached for something in his pocket, and brought out a small light blue bag made of a soft cloth. He held it out to me, and I took it surprisingly in my hand.

"Your present," he explained.

I nervously bit my lip for the split of a second. "You didn't have to get me anything."

"I know," he began, "but I _wanted_ to get you something."

"This looks expensive," I said insecurely, staring at the pretty bag. Its fabric was so silky in my hand; I wanted to touch my cheek with it, to see if it was soft enough to caress your face with.

"Silly Bella," he said and shook his head.

"What?" I wondered as I fingered with the opening of the bag.

"Open it," he suggested.

I bit down hard on my lip, before I tugged at the ends of the silver strings, and turned it upside down in my hand.

A thin silver chain with the same length as a bracelet fell down in my hand. It sparkled in the sunlight. A small, detailed, pendant was hanging from the chain in form of a silver star. Something was engraved in it, and I held it closer to my eyes to notice that the letters were two – one "B", and one "E".

It seemed too surreal to be happening. The bracelet was so beautiful, and the chose of letters made my heart beat hard against my ribs. Had he really gotten this to me? Had he really bought me a _silver _necklace, with an _engraved _pendant? And most importantly, had he _really_ chosen the letters "E" and "B".

I caught myself staring at the necklace with an open mouth. I quickly closed it, embarrassed. Edward looked at me hopefully, waiting for my answer. It disappointed him; it was so easy to see in his eyes.

"You didn't spend very much money, right?" I wondered anxiously, and the happy spark in his eyes vanished and disappointment dawned across his face. I nervously fidgeted, being very well aware of that _I_ was the one causing that look on his face.

"You know, most girls are happy when they get silver bracelets. They're not anxious about the price."

"And what gave you the impression of that I was the typical girl?"

He tilted his head to the side. "True."

I sighed. "It's beautiful, perfect," I said dreamily, and turned to look into his eyes. He smiled the crooked smile, and ran his fingers through the bronze strands of perfectly tousled hair. Was it even possible to look that gorgeous? It shouldn't be legal.

"Do you like it?" he wanted to know.

"Yes," I breathed and let my gaze sink to the chain in my hand again. "Could you help me to put it on?"

"Of course," he said and carefully took the bracelet in his hand to attach it around my wrist. "It suits you."

"Thank you," I whispered, still admiring it. Then I met his eyes for a second time, and hesitantly held my arms out to hug him. He returned the embrace and held me in his arms for a few extra moments before he pulled away.

His scent was so inviting. A hint of cologne together with his natural, sweet, scent made my knees weak, and the thoughts fly out of my head. All I was able to focus on was his perfect breath, and his hands carefully placed on my back. I hoped he wasn't able to hear my beating heart against this chest.

He had to pull away some time, and when he did, I let go of my arms around him reluctantly. To my great surprise, he let his face stop about ten inches from mine. He was so close that I was still able to smell his sweet breath. I was surprised that my eyes didn't start rolling into it their sockets; he was dazzling me so wildly I almost couldn't believe it.

Slowly, he leaned closer and closer to my face. My breathing stopped the minute he started to get closer.

He was so close now, our lips barely an inch from each other. If only he would lean forward just a little bit, if he would only tilt his head a little more towards my face, a sign, enough so that I could shorten the distance between our lips. I could hear how ragged and uneven my breathing came out, and was surprised to notice that he was reacting in the exact same way as I was. Was he also nervous?

Just as I though that he would finally let our lips meet, something interrupted us. I quickly jumped, surprised by the sudden cry that had escaped through someone's lips, or something's lips… I took a step back. And as I did, Edward, too, backed a few steps.

"What was that?" I asked worriedly, looking anxiously around in the meadow, trying to spot the animal that had interrupted us.

"It was just an animal Bella," Edward calmed me with, but I noticed how he also looked a bit afraid and worriedly shifted his gaze around in the meadow.

"Let's go back," I suggested, and didn't wait for his reply. I started walking towards the dense trees again, and became relieved as Edward followed and took my hand again, it was so warm, and I loved it.

I inhaled loudly as I realized that he had been about to kiss me. _Kiss_ me. He had, after all, been the one who'd caressed my cheek, the one who'd come so near that our lips had nearly met…

Though I couldn't help but to doubt myself a bit on that subject. Of course he would want to continue with being best friends, and nothing else. Maybe he just wanted to lean closer to find out if I would be the one to shorten the distance between our lips. Maybe he knew that I had feelings for him, I had obviously showed it too clearly… Maybe I was interpreting all the signs wrong, I was just pretending that they were positive so that a small indication of hope would lighten up my black heart. The seed of doubt had planted inside of me, and the tree was growing fast.

But he had to like me too – he had to. What about his ragged breathing when our lips had been an inch apart? It couldn't just be a coincidence. And the fact that he had smiled at me all the time… Maybe he did like me, maybe we were meant to be together, maybe he hadn't realized it until now. Maybe…

"What did you think of the bracelet?" he suddenly broke the silence with.

_Shoot_. Was it really the best time now? I was just going over inside my head if you liked me or not, so would you please give me some time to think it all through? Just another minute please.

Of course I didn't tell him that, there would be plenty of time to think through Edward's actions later, maybe when I was in my bed, pretending to be asleep… Yes, I would think it over then, if I could wait. If I knew myself right, I would want to think about the possibility that Edward might want me in another way as a friend until I knew if the answer was yes or no. It was quite clear that it overshadowed everything I normally thought about, I needed to be distracted. Distracted, perhaps by Edward…

"Edward, I've already told you, I loved it. It's the best present ever! It's beautiful," I said while gazing at the beautiful bracelet tied around my wrist. It was beautiful – I wasn't lying. I couldn't believe how he had gotten me such a nice present. Which also made me wonder. He had never bought anything like the bracelet before, was it a sign of that he wanted to be more than friends? I was suddenly very aware of the two letters engraved on the silver star.

_Oh, stop it Bella. You're being silly, Edward doesn't want you that way._

_But maybe…_

_I said stop it!_

_Okay, okay, you're right… Edward will never think about me in any other way than his best friend._

_True._

_But what if? What if?_

_Jeesh, cut it out. _

_But what _if_? Maybe I'm being too shy, maybe I'm not showing it clearly enough. Maybe I should flirt a little._

_Bella, are you serious? _Flirting_? Are you out of your mind?_

_Maybe._

_You need to be if you consider flirting with Edward._

Edward interrupted my verbal correspondence with myself inside my head.

"You really think so?" His face lit up.

I stopped walking so I could look properly into his warm emerald green eyes; they were breathtakingly beautiful. All I wanted was to be with him, all the time.

"Of course I think so," I said. "I love it, I wish I'd given you such a beautiful present on your last birthday."

I thought back to the day in June, and at Edward's birthday party. Now, I regretted buying Edward a frying pan. I regretted it a _lot_. How could I have been so stupid? A frying pan, _seriously_…

"I'm sorry about that frying pan," I mumbled awkwardly, hoping that he wouldn't notice my inner struggle too much.

"Bella, that's the best frying pan I've ever had," he explained. "Why are you apologizing?"

"Because it's such a boring, impersonal gift."

"Well, that's not true," he said with a low chuckle. "You know I love to cook." Maybe that was true, but now I still wish that I had gotten him something better.

"But you buy me this beautiful, _beautiful_ bracelet, for God knows how much money, and I bought you a frying pan last June. It's not fair," I protested. A stupid frying pan. A stupid present. From a stupid person.

Edward squeezed my hand tightly a moment before he continued, and my heart skipped a beat as he started talking. "Bella, it was the thought _behind_ the frying pan that made me love it so much. You need to understand that."

I snorted. Why couldn't he love _me_ instead of that damn frying pan?

"It's not the thought that counts, it's what you _do_. What if I thought that the frying pan would be perfect for me to murder you with the next time I come to your house? If I had knit you a shirt, even though it would be ugly, I would have _done_ something. The thought is _not_ what counts. And I didn't do much with that frying pan, I just bought it," I told him. My statement seemed to make him puzzled.

"This is just an unnecessary conversation anyway, you know I loved it," he assured me. Should I believe him?

"You didn't."

"I did."

"You didn't."

"I did."

"No, you didn't."

"Bella, I swear," Edward started and looked deeply into my eyes. "I would love any present you got me, do you understand? I don't care if it's just a dried flower that grows like weeds in your garden, I'd still sleep with it under my pillow every night."

My mouth popped open. "You would?"

He nodded. "Of course I would."

"Do you sleep with the frying pan under your pillow?" Oh great, Bella. Of course you'll joke when he's trying to tell you something important. Just great, pure awesomeness. Not.

"Ha. Ha. Ha," Edward said without laughing. "Very funny."

"At least _I_ thought so," I said with a smile and shrugged my shoulders.

"Is it really right to laugh at your own jokes?"

I laughed. "I wasn't laughing."

"You did, just now," he said playfully and dragged me with him into a brisk walk.

I inhaled the smell of the air, enjoying every second. This was where I wanted to be; in a dense, beautiful forest, alone with Edward. It was my paradise. To be able to be with Edward, to see him smile and laugh. I couldn't ask for more. Even if he didn't think of me romantically, this was enough. I was spending time with him, I could see him, I could feel how our hands were entwined together, I could feel the heat radiating off from his skin…

My thoughts wondered back to the moment we had shared back at the wonderful meadow, and how our lips had been dangerously close to meeting each other. If it only hadn't been for that stupid animal, I might have gotten to know how it felt to have Edward's soft lips pressed against mine. The though of kissing Edward made a shiver of pleasantry race down my spine. If only he could have just kissed me, just a light, soft and careful kiss. It was enough for me. I _needed_ to know how it felt to have his lips on mine.

I didn't know for sure, but it felt as though the walk back to the car was longer than the first one. Neither of us said a thing. We walked silently, holding hands, and listened to the sound of the light breeze finding its way through the treetops. It was a soothing sound, and the fact that Edward's hand was in mine didn't really make me want to go back to the car. I wanted to spend the rest of my birthday with Edward, and only Edward. I didn't care about Charlie and Jacob; Edward was the only person on my mind.

Once in a while, he would smile at me, and my face instantly became warm and red, I blushed. Why? Why did I blush? Couldn't I have at least smiled back? I had done it before. If I had, he would have gotten a confirmation on that I liked to be where I was too, that I was comfortable… perfectly comfortable with his hand in mine.

I loved the fact that it was so natural for us to take a walk with my hand in his – it felt so unnaturally good. I could feel the blood pounding in my ears every time I thought about the fact that we were holding hands. And again, I asked myself the question; best friends held hands, right? What if they didn't? I didn't exactly have another best friend than Edward to compare with. Apart from Jacob of course, but that was different. I had known him for my entire life… What if there was another reason behind the handholding? I wasn't the one who had taken Edward's hand, he was the one who had taken mine in his. Maybe he also liked to feel my hand in his, maybe he liked me…

When we reached the car, I sighed. And this time, Edward could hear me.

"What is it?" he asked, and let go of my hand.

"I don't want to leave," I murmured silently.

He chuckled and ran his hand through his hair; I loved the bronze color of it. "We have to, I can't kidnap you for the entire day."

"Please do," I said with a sigh. "I hate my birthdays."

He smiled the crooked smile that made my heart flutter. "I know that Bella, but don't. You need to show at least a bit of enthusiasm, you know it."

I sighed again. "Can't we go to your place? You know, to just hang out. I really don't feel for handling Charlie right now. He and Jake are probably in ecstasy, fixing around like total dorks."

"Bella, they want to celebrate your birthday, that's not a crime."

"For me, it is," I answered as he opened the car door for me again. "It's pure torture, having to listen to people singing "Happy Birthday" to you once every year. Can't we _please_ just runaway to your house? _Please_, Edward."

I had absolutely no idea why I asked him that, apart from the fact that I wanted it. And, oh, I wanted it badly. But I didn't want him to think that I was pushy, I didn't want to _make_ him spend time with me. And deep down, I knew that it was futile trying to escape the awaiting persons at home, Edward would never agree to that.

"Bella, as much as I want that too, it's not possible, you know it."

His words made the sweat start pumping from under my arms; I hoped that it wouldn't be too noticeable later. "Bella, as much as I want that too…" Did he also want to spend time with me? Alone? Oh dear God in heaven, did he? Did Edward want to be with me?

It came as such a shock that I couldn't answer directly. I had to melt the words that he had said first, I needed to understand them, the meaning behind them, everything. I needed to analyze them in every possible way, before I could reply to his words.

_Bella, as much as I want that too… Bella, as much as I want that too… Bella, as much as I want that too… Bella, as much as I want that too… Bella, as much as I want that too…_

He_ did _want to, he wanted to spend the day with me! That was all I needed to know, my birthday was now complete, and it had been the best I had had for years, probably the best one in my entire life.

Edward wanted to be with me alone on my birthday, please tell me that this isn't a dream…

"Why can't we then? Why?" I persisted, not letting go off the subject.

"Because it's your eighteenth birthday, you don't turn eighteen every day Bella. _Once in a lifetime_…" he added dramatically.

I laughed. "You didn't seem to be like that when you turned eighteen…"

"I was like that, I just didn't show you," he joked.

"Of course you were like that, you're Edward, the drama queen."

"Hey! Drama _king_! You're not sitting next to an Edwardia."

"Oh, is that your middle name? Edwardia? What a lovely name, Ed."

"Don't call me Ed."

"Oh," I said. "I see, you prefer Edwardia!"

"If that's what you want to call me."

The sarcasm was heavy in the air, and I giggled as Edward smiled. He turned his gaze from the road in front of us to meet my eyes, so beautiful, so emerald, so sparkling… His eyes were like a god's, compared to mine. I didn't see why he wanted to look into my eyes, who would want to look so deeply into a puddle of mud? My eyes, unfortunately, looked like dirt. Some people said chocolate, but I didn't fall for that. It was just something to make the pain of having dirty eyes soften a little bit. As if I would believe their lies, I knew I wasn't beautiful. I was nothing compared to Edward. Edward was the beautiful one, the gorgeous one, the hot one… As I sat in the car, I thought about how it would be to rip his clothes of with my teeth. Honestly, I wouldn't have minded it at all, to rip his clothes of with my teeth. It was actually rather inviting. I couldn't help but to smile lightly for myself as I imagined the ripping sound that would come of the broken fabric.

The clock ticked closer to three every minute, and the gaping hole of my absence at home would soon be filled in. Forks got closer and closer for every second.

Charlie had never liked Edward very much, but he knew that Edward was important to me – he was unknowing that I had romantic feelings for Edward, though – and therefore usually let Edward be a part of celebrating my birthday together with Jacob. This was something I was very grateful for, I found solace in Edward's presence when it came to opening presents and listening to "Happy Birthday".

Jacob and I had known each other for an even longer time than Edward and I. He had always been the one I would play with, and I could talk to him about everything. Our friendship was very similar to the one I shared with Edward, but in a way, there were major differences between them. I would came crying into Edward's arms if something terrible had happened, but Jake would be the one I turned to if I wanted to share the news how Mr. Molina had come to class with purple hair.

"Very well, we're here," Edward said as he pulled up in front of the familiar white house where I had lived for my entire life. Renée had tried to convince me on living with her on several occasions, but I had always insisted on staying in Forks. Forks was safe, and familiar. And the fact that Edward lived nearby didn't make me keener on moving. I didn't want to rip up the bonds I had tied here. I was also aware of how Phil had to move around, since he was playing baseball for a living. It would make Renée unhappy to be away from Phil, I knew that.

"Thanks for the ride," I said dreamily, and looked one more time into his dazzling emerald eyes.

"You're welcome," he replied before stepping out of the car.

On the outside, the house looked perfectly normal. Two cars, one truck and one cruiser, were parked outside, and the white color of the house had started to flake off. A lamp was lit in the kitchen, and the light glow was inviting. But I knew what was going on on the inside, secret keeping and decorating, making my birthday an even worse pain.

I groaned as we walked the short distance to the door, and a low chuckle escaped from Edward's lips.

"Be nice," he said.

I snorted. "You can't make me," I retorted. And then I opened the door with a loud creak.

**A/N: So, folks, that was the first chapter of my new story. Quite different from my first one, right? Anyway, some things in it might be a bit OOC, like Charlie's reaction to Bella's birthday, but you'll hopefully survive. **

**I'll try to update on weekends, but I can't guarantee anything. Right now, writing is a bit overshadowed by other stuff, and there's not much I can do about it. **

**Originally, Bella's birthday celebration was in this chapter, but it became too long, so it's in chapter 2 instead. **

**Please leave a review, it means so much! **


	2. Kiss Goodnight

**Disclaimer: Do I really need one? Everybody knows I don't own Twilight.**

Chapter 2

Kiss Goodnight

At first, I was surprised to see that the hallway was in darkness – no lamp was lit here. A small indication of hope lit inside me as I thought that maybe my birthday had been forgotten. But then I heard low whispers of three familiar voices, and my heart sank in the chest. How could I believe that I could escape this?

"Hello?" I said, fidgeting for what was going to come.

Abruptly, someone turned on the light. Charlie, Jacob and Billy were suddenly standing in front of me, dressed with pink paper hats. One was holding a package, the other one supposedly a cake. Apart from the fact that it didn't look like a cake, what was it? Oh great, Charlie had thought he was able to cook again. Next to them, a man in a wheelchair was smiling widely – Billy. He hadn't forgotten either, how lovely.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" The three voices said out loud simultaneously. And then the singing started. "_Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you…_" Edward quickly followed up, and I blushed heavily.

I squirmed nervously where I stood, hoping the singing would end soon. And it did. Even though I would have preferred a shorter song for my next birthday.

"Happy birthday, honey!" Charlie exclaimed and embraced me, before giving me the package.

"Thanks," I muttered without enthusiasm.

"It's from me," he said with a grin, obviously not understanding that his goofy smile made me uncomfortable.

I forced myself to smile weakly.

Jacob was the next in line. "Happy eighteenth birthday, Bells!" he said excitedly and showed the cake (if you could call it a cake) in his hands. The icing was, grey? Brown? Yellow? It was hard to distinguish.

"Thanks," I repeated monotonically.

"My present's in the kitchen."

"Great."

There was a brief silence before Billy realized that it was his turn. He smiled hopefully before wishing me "Happy Birthday". How originally of him.

"Here," he said and handed me a small present wrapped in brown paper.

I smiled again, to be polite, and thanked him. Charlie smiled nervously when there suddenly was nothing left to talk about. Nobody uttered another word, until Charlie obviously couldn't stand it anymore.

"Let's have some cake," he decided to say. Some of the enthusiasm in his voice had faded away – I hoped that it was because of the fact that I had showed clearly that this celebration was something that wasn't appreciated from my side. "What did Edward get you?" he asked as he helped Billy towards the kitchen.

"This," I said and proudly held up my right wrist.

Charlie's eyes widened before he answered. "That sure is one hell of a necklace," he finally said.

Edward chuckled beside me.

"No, seriously," Charlie said and admired the chain tied around my wrist. He carefully grabbed the pendant between his fingers to watch it more closely. Then, he whistled slowly. "It looks really good on you, Bells," he added.

"Thanks," I replied.

Jacob shifted his gaze towards the floor for a short moment, as if he was collecting his thoughts, and then reached for a thin box on the table. A red bow was decorating its top. He handed it to me with a hopeful look spread across his face.

"From me," he explained.

"You didn't have to get me anything," I said awkwardly.

"Nah, I want to give it to you," he told me. "It's your eighteenth birthday for crying out loud! It's not as if it happens every day."

I smiled weakly as I opened the box. A CD was resting on its bottom. The name of the band was unfamiliar. My hand reached out to flip it; the names of the songs were long and complicated.

"We've listened to it before," Jake said quickly. "Once, in my car. You liked it. You know, it was the band with the weird names, about how they had to change their song because otherwise they'd get sued."

A bell started ringing in my head, and it clicked. _That band_.

"Oh, it's _that band_!" I exclaimed. "They're awesome," I said gratefully and gave him an awkward hug. "Thanks so much," I told him and looked at the CD in my hand again. A perfect gift – I was literally out of music. That was at least one nice thing about my birthday so far.

"You're welcome," Jake said. "Now open the next one!" he encouraged me. The anticipation was thick in his voice.

Charlie and Jacob had, for as long as I could remember, been the ones who always had made my birthday to something more than just a birthday. Sometimes, it shocked me, how much effort, planning and time they put on simply giving me a nice birthday. I liked the thought behind it (even though it wasn't the _thought_ that counted, it was what you_ did_), but sometimes it would have suited just fine with a regular birthday celebration. Jacob and Charlie always came up with the extraordinary.

Billy and Edward rarely had a finger in the game when it came to my birthday. They were always a part of it, though. When it came to the funny games Jacob and Charlie fixed, none of them were left without a wide smile spread across their faces.

Four pairs of eager eyes were fixated on me, as I started to open the second present. Charlie and Jake's eyes were without a doubt beyond the usual look. It was so strange for me. Only one day every year, one simple day, Charlie would stick his silent, grunting self under the couch, and let the happy, enthusiastic Charlie be his face outwards. It was just too bad that it had to be on my birthday.

I had not expected to get a camera for my birthday, and that was why it surprised me to see a white box with a picture of a black camera under the red gift paper.

"Thank you so much, Dad!" I exclaimed happily after I had realized what had been in the package.

He smiled in relief as I told him how happy I was, and I reached out to give him a one-armed hug. "No problems, Bells."

"Wow," I said in an amazed voice as I looked longingly at the cardboard box with the camera. "This is perfect!"

After I had opened Billy's and Renée's presents – a book from Billy, and a scrapbook (for my pictures) that Renée had sent me, Edward helped me to start the camera. I excitedly snapped as many pictures of the people around me as I could, until Charlie actually had to tell me that my playtime as a photographer would have to take a break.

The cake tasted as good as it looked. In other words, it was not something that was mouthwatering in any way. But I still tried to hold a good face as I made myself chew the disgusting pieces of cake as we sat down together around the kitchen table.

From the corner of my eye, I could see how Edward and Billy struggled to make it look as though they enjoyed the homemade pastry. The sight made me smile discreetly to myself. It was just like in that Friends episode, when everybody pretended to like Rachel's English Trifle, when she had accidentally mixed it with a steak and peas. Except from the fact that there wasn't any meat in this cake of course.

As we chatted casually during the meal, I thought that this might not be a birthday as bad as the other ones I had experienced. But how wrong I was on that point, it turned out.

After we had shared the disgusting cake, it was time for the moment I had been dreading for for an entire year. "The games", as Charlie and Jacob wanted to refer it as. And oh what they had picked a suiting term for the next chapter of my eighteenth birthday. If you saw past the fact that games were supposed to be _amusing_, of course.

This year, as so many others, turned out to be one of my greatest disappointments. I had stopped hoping that one year would be an exception, that the games would be forgotten. Too bad that I hadn't had it my way.

When Jacob blindfolded me, I needed to sigh in desperation.

"Don't look!" he told me.

"As if I could," I muttered, not planning on showing them the least of enthusiasm.

"Okay," Charlie began, while clapping his hands together in a silly gesture. He only did once per year, one terrible time. My birthday. Or, as I liked to call it, my _worst_day. The latter was so much more suitable than the first. What wasn't very suitable, however, was how Charlie and Jacob _never_ had realized that I saw their birthdays as a pain in the ass.

Jake had started to participate in the fixing of my birthday when he had been thirteen, and ever since, he had been the one contributing the most to it. I loved Jacob 364 days a year, and September 13th was the one exception where I wished that he would leave me alone.

"Bells, we're having a little quiz," Charlie continued.

"Do I _have_ to be blindfolded?" I demanded.

"It is necessary for the game, yes," Charlie answered.

I muttered something lowly under my breath, and I could almost hear Edward rolling his eyes.

"Can Edward and I be in?" I heard Billy's voice ask.

"If you like," Charlie said.

"Count me as a contestant," Billy said in a determined voice.

I heard Charlie laugh, and then a loud sound as someone placed something hardly on the kitchen table in front of me. My nose wrinkled, as I smelled something that seemed fully edible.

Interesting… I was starting to guess what this year's pain was.

"Bella," Jake said. "This is how it works…"

"Hey! Wait for us," I heard Billy protest.

"Yeah, wait for us!" Edward agreed.

There was a brief pause, where I let several sighs escape through my lips. Did it really have to take that long to simply tie a scarf over your eyes?

"Okay," Charlie started. "We're all set. So, this year, you're going to _guess_ what you're eating."

I couldn't help but to start choking. _What was he saying?_ This year, he had definitely reached a new level of pure silliness.

"You heard me," Charlie said, as if my head was an open book for him. "Since Edward and Billy are in too, we're gonna have a competition!"

"And the winner gets a price," Jake filled in.

"And what is this price?" I could hear Edward ask.

"That is a…" There was another short pause. "A secret."

I snorted, but then abruptly realized that Charlie might try to touch the stove. "Dad, please don't tell me you're going to cook," I wondered anxiously.

He laughed. "Have no worries, I let Jake do that part."

"I'm better than Charlie, Bella!" Jake said. What a surprise.

The next thirty minutes were excruciatingly slow. Sometimes, I wondered if time even passed by. Discreetly, I tried to count the seconds inside of my head, to be able to endure as much as possible. It would have been nice to have a guess of what the time was.

What started out as a hint of irritation slowly grew inside of me. Of course, I appreciated that my father and best friend cared about me, that they wanted me to have a nice birthday. But they were taking it to incredibly new, far too tall, heights. On top of it, this game was one of the most boring ones Charlie and Jake had come up with for ages.

"Pancakes. Meatballs. Spaghetti. Is that cream? Potatoes. Lemonade," my voice repeated monotonically as Jake stuck a fork into my mouth.

This year's game wasn't even challenging.

And so it continued for the next twenty-seven minutes and eight seconds. By the time the game finally had come to an end, I almost tore the blindfold away from my eyes.

A number of bowls were located in front of me, all filled with assorted types of food. What a waste. I had barely eaten a fourth of all the contents in the bowls. On the other hand, it had been nice to not cook the food, for once – I had broken the habitude. I hadn't been aware of that Jake was able to cook.

"We have an ultimate winner!" Jake announced, and blinked at me. I rolled my eyes. "BELLA! Welcome here to take your prize!" he said and placed a small package in my hand.

"Another present?" I wondered. "But I've already got my presents," I said, confused. It wasn't as though I didn't want to open the badly wrapped package, but I felt indulged to receive yet _another_ birthday present.

"But this is a _prize_," Jake said, smirking. "Something entirely else."

"Thanks," I said in a surprised voice.

Before I pulled in the ends of the red string, the figure of Edward eating from his bowl was visible from the corner of my eye. I smiled a bit to myself, before I interrupted his behavior.

"_Edward_," I growled.

He froze in the middle of his motion, and the meatball he had held between his fingers fell into the bowl again.

"Sorry," he said and smiled apologetically.

I then saw the situation from an entirely new angle, and handed him one of the bowls in front of me. "Here, take mine," I said, and he gladly accepted. He had obviously eaten very little from the cake that had been served. I didn't blame him, because neither had I.

Charlie didn't seem to have noticed the short interruption, and was still waiting hopefully next to me. I sighed at his eagerness. The one time where he would step out of his silent, grunting, shell, was on my birthday. And what made it even worse, was that I wanted as little attention as possible at my anniversaries.

There was a key ring in the form of a blue dolphin in the package, and I smiled lightly at the present before I thanked them for it. In a way, I was proud; I had never won a competition before, thanks to the fact that I wasn't good at anything in particular.

I spent the rest of the evening, watching movies together with Edward and Jacob. Charlie and Billy had gone fishing, and it was a typical sign of that my birthday celebration finally was over. There were no words to describe the relief that rushed over me. For once, it was nice to just sit back and enjoy the fact that I was sitting so close to the best person in the world – it was hard to concentrate on the movie when I knew that our elbows touched. Edward was just too perfect. It took all my self-control to not wrap my arms around him and place kisses all over his gorgeous face.

Unfortunately, the night had to end some time. The sun had left its position on the sky, and had been replaced with the moon. It was sending a milky light down on the green ground. Just as I was admiring the white circle positioned next to a few stars on the indigo blue sky, Edward rose from the couch and excused himself.

"You're leaving?" I demanded, disappointed to know that it was soon going to be just Jake and me.

He nodded, and smiled weakly. "It's getting late."

"Oh, okay," I said, trying hard not to show the disappointment in my voice.

"Thank you so much for having me over," he began as we both started walking towards the door. "I had a really nice time."

"I wish I could say the same," I muttered. The only thing that had been good about my birthday was Edward's presence.

He chuckled. "I think you did just fine."

I snorted. "Yeah, right. Did you see my enthusiasm at the food game?"

"Well, apart from that, then," he added. "Though I gotta say, those meatballs were really good."

"I noticed," I answered, smiling.

He chuckled again.

"Anyway, see you tomorrow, in school," he said. I had the luck to turn eighteen on a Sunday.

I nodded. "See you in school." I opened the door for him, and took two steps out, giving him some company.

To my surprise, he didn't start walking towards his Volvo. The gesture made my pulse quicken, and I nervously tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. I was alone with Edward, what in the world could be better?

"I had a really nice time," he said again.

"I'm glad."

And I was, I was glad I could be this close to him, _alone_. The distance between us was so short that I was able to inhale his perfect scent.

There was a brief pause, of which I spent looking into his eyes. As I did, I once again pictured how it would feel to be in his arms, and not as his best friend. How it would feel to have his warm, muscular, arms, wrapped around my waist. How it would feel to know that all of his smiles were for _me_, only me.

For a short moment, I saw a hint of hesitation in his eyes. As though he was considering on doing something, but he wasn't sure of that it was the right thing to do. His lip twitched just for a short second, and after that, a small wrinkle appeared between his eyebrows. I held my breath.

"I…" he started, the same sparkle of hesitation still visible in his emerald eyes.

And then, he quickly leaned forward, shortening the distance between our faces. I was paralyzed, unable to move.

As I stood there, immobilized, Edward tilted his head forward, and gently pressed his lips against mine.

The feeling was like nothing else I had ever experienced. His lips were so warm against mine, so soft, so gentle. I was frozen, and that was the reason for why I couldn't lift my arms, pull him closer to me, and knot my finger into his hair. I was unable to do what I wanted most.

My entire body became toasty warm from the feeling of his lips against mine. My pulse was thudding like crazy; my heart was unable to stop beating. Never, ever, before, had he had such an effect like this on me. How silly I had been, who had thought that the things Edward made me feel had reached its climax. In that moment, I knew that there was nothing like climax in this case. Edward would always make me crazier and crazier if I didn't get to be with him.

Since I had made no move of that I wanted him to continue, he quickly pulled away, and I whimpered silently when our lips broke contact. _No! What are you doing?_

"Er, good night, Bella," he said awkwardly, obviously not understanding that I hadn't minded his kiss at all.

I was still unable to move and speak, and he took that as a sign to leave. There was something in the way his steps echoed against the ground that made me believe that he was in a hurry. The velvet black darkness surrounded him faster than I could have imagined.

A few seconds after he had left, it seemed as if I finally understood. Everything.

_Edward had kissed me. Edward Cullen had kissed me. Edward had been the one to kiss me. I had kissed Edward._

I immediately became paralyzed again as I went over these facts over and over in my head again, and I couldn't stop wondering if it really had happened. It just seemed so unreal, too good to be true. Had he really kissed me?

Suddenly, my repeated question came to a stop. It was partly because I realized that he had left, and I had been the reason for it. My eyes widened, and then watered, as the truth came racing up my spine.

_I hadn't returned the kiss. Edward thought I didn't want him to kiss me._

Everything had suddenly turned from ecstasy to melancholy. It was so obvious in the way he had reacted; he thought I didn't want him to kiss me. _How in hell could I have been so extremely and genuinely stupid that I hadn't returned his kiss?_

The question was difficult to answer. I couldn't possibly understand what obstacles had made me not press my lips harder against his.

I thought back to the hundreds of times I had imagined him pressing his lips against mine, how different my reactions had been. But never, ever ever _ever_, had I acted like I had a moment ago. I had never imagined not returning the kiss. I had imagined the exact opposite.

Maybe it was foolish and futile to cry, but I still did. It was difficult to fight the urge of running after him, and telling the truth. That there was nothing else in the entire world I wanted to do, than to kiss him.

I slowly touched my lips with the index finger on my right hand; on the exact spot our mouths had met. The place was still warm from his touch, my entire body was still hot as a sun from the short moment he had given me a kiss goodnight.

_Edward…_

Was it really possible to be so incredibly stupid, as I felt in that exact moment? I knew what I had to do, I had to explain it all to him thoroughly – he needed to know that I wanted to be more than best friends.

**A/N: Okay, this chapter pretty much starts off exactly where the last one ended, since they were originally one chapter. Sorry if this was not very well written, too. I promise I'll make it up to you in the next chapter! I had some trouble writing this, the time was basically running out and it's in the beginning so the writing's going pretty slow…**

**Charlie is obviously very OOC when it comes to Bella's birthday, but I wanted to make him like that ;). Though I kind of took it to an entirely new level…**

**Please review! It encourages me to write faster!**


	3. Everything Ends

**Disclaimer: Do I really need one? Everybody knows I don't own twilight. **

Chapter 3

Everything ends

Deafening, irritating, excruciating alarm! The beep stubbornly continued to ring, ignoring the fact that I wasn't appreciating the frustrating signal. The sound was always a more than brutal awakening. What if someone invented an alarm that played the sound of a distant stream instead of a screeching beeping sound? Without a doubt, I would be the first one to buy it.

As I reached a sitting position in my warm bed and yawned heavily, the memories from yesterday came rushing over me like a bucket of cold water. I gasped as the realization started to hover over me. It seemed to absurd to be real. Maybe it had all been a dream.

But when I went through yesterday's events in my head, I knew that it had all happened. Every single thing had actually occurred – it was like living in a dream.

Edward had _kissed _me. He had softly pressed his lips to mine for a short moment. We had shared a light peck on the lips. I knew how it felt to meet his lips with mine. The thought made a light shudder of pleasantry run down my spine. Edward.

My finger reached out to touch my lips, the spot where he had kissed me. It would have to be my new constant gesture, a reminder of that he liked me. I would never wash my lip ever again, not even smudge on some ugly weird-smelling lip balm. That spot would always belong to Edward.

And then, the feeling of disappointment grew out from the shadows. Edward must have thought that his kiss had been unappreciated. But he was wrong – it was the reverse. For me, the kiss had barely been enough. I wanted more than just a light peck on the lips. I wanted him to grab me and kiss me wildly in a passionate, romantic way. I giggled at the thought before I stepped out of bed.

I knew what I had to do, what I needed to do, and that was to confess my true, deep, inner feelings to Edward. He needed to know that his feelings were responded.

In that moment, a second revelation appeared before me. _My feelings were responded. Edward, Edward Cullen, liked me too. _It was, in a way, simply too good to be true. For me, it was simply too unbelievable to be real. I had wished him to like me for so long, that I almost had stopped hoping that there was a chance that he was secretly enjoying watching me. The heavenly thought brought out a giggling and bouncing Bella, a much happier one.

I smiled shrewdly to myself, as I thought of the fact that Edward might be thinking about me right now too, analyzing my reactions from the following evening. Only the thought of him made a sudden warmth spread through my body. In a way, he was my everything, at least everything that mattered. His opinion was the only person's I cared about.

The more I thought about him, the more a gaping hole of his absence in my chest grew. Edward wasn't there to fill it in. When I would meet him, I knew that the hole would heal as quickly as if it hadn't existed in the first place. I missed him terribly. I missed hearing his voice, his scent, his face and the way he looked at me. I wanted him to be mine so badly, I wanted to know that I was the only person he ever wanted to rest his eyes on, I wanted a confirmation of that he would never hesitate to take my hand.

For as long as I could remember, I had always been insecure of the potential feelings Edward had for me. And who could, after all, blame me? Though now, when I thought back to all times I'd spent time with him, it almost seemed absurd that I had doubted the fact that he liked me. Now, it was simple to realize that he had actually _tried_ to kiss me the day before in the meadow, and that the gesture behind our handholding maybe wasn't entirely made out of friendship.

Even though I was aware of that the latter statements were all facts, I started to doubt his feelings for me again – I had thought about it too much, that it had confused me.

My thoughts were following a circle, and I never came to a conclusion. There was no start, and no goal, just a circle without ending. I would, obviously, never be absolutely sure about anything that concerned Edward – I knew that I overanalyzed his every motion; it was too difficult to not do it.

I tried my best to get dressed and decent for school as quickly as possible, not wanting to miss a single second of spending time with Edward. But my plans were brutally changed, as I stepped into the shower. The hot, streaming water was soothing and relaxing, just like meditation. Suddenly, the time was running by, and I had to force myself to turn off the warm water.

The air was cold as I stepped out of the shower, and I shrugged as I slipped a clean towel around me.

I looked into the small bathroom mirror, drying of the layer of steams that rested on the glass, so I could see my reflection clearly.

The image was terrifying in so many ways. Firstly, for an example, my upper lip was far too full for the lip under it. It was everything but flattering. Secondly, there were purple shades under my perfectly regular and boring mud brown eyes. And thirdly, my wet hair looked as though I'd just woken up from having a nightmare. Wisps of brown straight hair were everywhere, making my face look even rounder than it already was. I dried and brushed it as quickly as possible before putting it into a simple ponytail.

As for the sign of fatigue under my eyes, there was not much to do. I had never been the one to wear makeup, and that was why I just sighed at the purple, very visible spots. Hopefully, Forks's dark light would cover them just enough to make me look a bit more sane.

I reached out towards the raspberry lip balm resting on the sink, my usual habit. But just as I removed the lid, I remembered my promise from before. _Do _not_ touch that lip with _that_! _I quickly returned the lip balm to its place on the washbasin. _Close one. _

Charlie accompanied me at breakfast, before I had to run towards my old truck to get to school in time. I smiled as the engine roared to life, just like every morning. It was just a matter of minutes before I would see Edward again. I longed for the moment where our eyes would meet.

Our reunion turned out little like I had expected. He was waiting for me in the parking lot, as usual. The hole in my chest disappeared immediately. Though today, he was quiet and awkward, keeping his gaze locked on the grey pavement below instead of looking into my eyes.

_It needs to be because of the kiss, he thinks I didn't want it…_

I instantly realized that it needed to be true, because it was the only reasonable explanation. His pained expression tortured me, and even though all I wanted was to wipe it off of his troubled face, I couldn't bring myself to remind him of the night before. In the second I'd seen him in the parking lot, I knew that it would be more than difficult, impossible, to tell him that I hadn't minded the kiss, and that I would gladly do it again.

His troubled mood continued, and for every minute we spent with each other in silence, the less I could take it anymore. This wasn't what I had planned. _Why wasn't he saying anything?_

At lunch, I finally got to see his eyes. It was just for a short second. He was turning around in his chair to see who had thrown their glass of water on whom. That was when I couldn't take his silence anymore. We had silently sat next to each other for every single class, and the fact that he never uttered a word made me on the verge of tears.

"You're quiet today," I started, hoping that he would answer me.

For the fraction of a second, he looked up from his food to meet my eyes and smile weakly.

His smile broke my heart; it was so sad – so _beautiful_.

"Is something wrong?"

He shook his head, and met my gaze again, capturing my entire attention. In a gorgeous gesture, he ran his fingers through his tousled bronze hair. It made me want throw myself over the table, land on top of him, smash the chair under him, and rip his clothes off. My hands bowled into fists under the table. _Restrain yourself, Bella. _

"You sure?" I continued stubbornly, determined to release him from his cold shell. This wasn't the Edward I knew.

"Yes."

It was the first word he'd said since the morning when he'd greeted me with a simple "hello". My pulse thudded wildly as his velvet voice echoed through my ears over and over again.

"Listen, about last night," I began boldly. This was new, was it really Bella who was speaking? This was another side of her, a brave Bella.

Edward interrupted me before I had time to continue. "No need to mention it, I'm sorry. I was stupid, I shouldn't have."

_NO! What are you saying?! Bullshit! You _should _have! You should've deepened the kiss! I barely had time to react; I was so shocked, so happy. It was what I _wanted_. Don't you see? _

Not wanting to tell him how I felt with words, I focused hardly on trying to tell him what I wanted to say in my eyes. _Never mind about it, unless you want to do it again… _

"Bella…" he started. "Why are you staring at me like that?"

Oh, perfect. Obviously, communicating with the gaze wasn't my strong side.

"Never mind," I answered quickly.

A new sort of silence started to hover over the table. The sound of chattering students surrounding the two of us was for a moment everything audible. It was as though we were waiting for the other one to start explaining. I realized that it would have to be me.

"I – I – I just wanted t – to tell you," I stuttered.

He looked at me with a puzzled gaze for a short moment, as though he had trouble understanding what I was about to say.

"Ididn'tmindatallaboutthekissitwasgreatyoudon'tneedtoworry," I said abruptly, the words rumbling into huge disarray.

Realization dawned across his handsome face, and his gaze softened immediately. It surprised me that he had managed to make out my quick words. Even I had trouble with hearing what I was saying.

He smiled smugly, but to my surprise, he never answered.

"D – did you hear?"

It shocked me that I was so brave today. Had I really managed to bring up the topic of yesterday, and even telling Edward that the kiss had been perfect? It was so unlike me as I knew myself. Shy had always been the word I had described myself with, but when it came to Edward, it was as if I was defying every single thing about myself. When I was with Edward, it was like a new Bella stepped out of nowhere.

Edward chuckled lowly, and then answered me. "Yes, I heard."

My heart fluttered.

Suddenly, the quiet, awkward Edward was gone, and the Edward I had become best friends with was back. The sweet, chuckling, kind, generous and happy Edward was the one I had deep feelings for, not the other.

For the third time that day, a silence fell over the table. Only this time, it wasn't an awkward one, nor an awaiting silence. This was something entirely different – a happy silence. The both of us were comfortable with it, knowing the fact that we shared the same feelings for each other.

Okay, maybe that wasn't entirely true. I sincerely doubted that I made Edward feel the way he made me feel, because the effect he had on me was magical. Never ever would I get used to it. I knew that Edward wasn't feeling like I was, since my feelings were so exaggerated and almost surreal, but it didn't diminish my happiness. I still felt like bouncing up and down under the rainbow, playing with purple unicorns. Everything was too perfect, and I silently prayed that it would remain like that. _Edward liked me too. _

We spent the rest of the lunch in total silence, the both of us smiling shrewdly at each other from time to time. Maybe it was silly, maybe it was childish to act as if the world was circling only around us, but at that moment, I didn't care. The frustrating sound of loud students and the sound of chairs against the plastic floor didn't matter, it was as though I was in an isolated bubble together with Edward; everything else faded away.

I spent the rest of the day in an almost trance-like mood. The only thing I was aware of was Edward, who smiled at me from time to time, crushing my every ounce of self-control excruciatingly slowly. I wondered if I would be able to make it through the day without wrestle him to the floor and start kissing him passionately.

Unfortunately, the school day had to end some day. Several times, I asked him if he wanted to come over and study together, but he kept insisting that we wouldn't be able to concentrate. Deep down, I knew he was right, but I refused to admit it to him. The only thing I cared about was him, the home works could die.

"Goodbye Bella," he said, as we stood next to my truck, his Volvo a few feet away.

"Are you sure you don't want to come over?" I insisted.

"We have that Physics test tomorrow Bella," he explained.

"Does that have to mean that we can't study together?" I demanded stubbornly.

He sighed. "Bella, you know neither of us would manage to concentrate… not with all this…" he trailed off. We both knew what he was aiming at.

"Please come, Edward," I continued persistently. "Please, please, _please_. Otherwise I might think you don't _want_ to be with me," I added quickly.

He chuckled. "Now Bella, you know _that's _far from the truth."

"Then why are you still refusing to come over? Charlie won't mind…"

"It's not Charlie I'm worried about," he replied.

"Please, come," I begged. This was my last chance. I _had_ to make him come with me. Otherwise, I would miss him so much.

"Bye, Bella," he said, and with those words, he finished our conversation.

But before I had time to turn around and mutter inappropriate things to myself, he had leaned forward, and for a second time pressed his lips to mine.

It was perfect, even better than the first one, like my entire body was uncontrollable. My head was suddenly pitch black; the only thing I was aware of was his lips on mine. They were so incredibly soft and tender – I wanted to deepen the kiss.

Unfortunately, he pulled away before I had time to pull him closer. I sighed and inhaled his scent for a last time before he was too far away for me to get a whiff of him.

"Bye, Edward," I said dreamily, staring after his walking form. It wouldn't surprise me if I had started to drool in that moment. He was so gorgeous.

Maybe we were going to take it slowly, but I didn't mind at all. This was perfect, nothing else. Edward and I, together – a couple. Or were we together? Were we a couple? No one had said the words, but for me it had been natural. Because it was _couples_ that kissed, not best friends. Best friends held hands, couples kissed.

I drove home in complete ecstasy, being very caught up in realizing that Edward had kissed me _twice _within 24 hours. It was too good to be true. Maybe life wasn't such a pain in the ass after all. Maybe life was beautiful, happy, and perfect… With Edward, life seemed to epitomize just that. He always made my day. It was difficult to not shout out in happiness as I drove home.

Charlie's cruiser was, to my surprise, parked next to the house as I pulled up in front of the house. It was strange; he usually wasn't home at this hour.

I stepped out of the car as usual, and danced to the door. Charlie would obviously wonder why I was so happy.

The door was open, and I flung it open in a quick motion.

"Dad, I'm home!" I let Charlie know about my presence with.

He suddenly appeared in the hallway, having walked from the kitchen. "Hi, Bells," he greeted. There was something not quite right about him; he was even more down than he usually was. His hands were hanging loose at his sides, and he continued to stare down on the wooden floor.

His mood worried me, was something wrong?

"How was school?" he asked, tearing his gaze away from the floor below.

I nodded. "Good." It was difficult to not tell him everything – how I was feeling _more _than good, much, much, much better.

"That's good."

"Hey, Dad? Is something wrong?" I wondered, steering my steps to the kitchen. He followed.

"Bells," he started cautiously. "I – there's something you should know…" There was something in his voice, he was sad, disappointed… It worried me a little bit. Something needed to be terribly wrong.

"What?" I wondered happily, as I took a banana from the fridge, eating it in three big bites.

Charlie's reaction puzzled me. He was acting so strange today; it was as though he was hesitating to tell me something. And that something, would with all security be something that neither of us would fancy. I simply knew it, it was written all over his face, his voice, the way he acted. Suddenly, I wasn't that happy anymore, knowing that bad news were on their way to me.

"Dad?" I said anxiously, noticing that he still hadn't answered my question yet.

"You're going to Paris," he blurted out quickly.

I sighed in relief, I had prepared for much worse, and now he was telling me I was going to Paris?

"What?" I asked, amused at the thought of how he was so heartbroken over such a silly fact.

He met my gaze, and I immediately understood that there was nothing funny about it. It was in his eyes.

"You're _moving _to Paris, Bella," he explained.

I wrinkled my forehead. "_What?_"

He shook his head. "You have to go, Renée insists. Phil has gotten a job with a baseball team there, over the winter. She demands you come with her, keeps insisting that you've never lived together. I guess she's right, but… but she's taking you away from me!" He said the last sentence to himself.

I, too, shook my head frantically. "What, no! No! No, no, no, _no_! I – I've never been further east than Albuquerque for crying out loud! I can't move to _Paris_!"

Charlie looked me deeply into my eyes. "Bells, you need to go… It's what she expects… They've rented an apartment, you'll have your own room, it's near the school…"

"_NO!_ I refuse to go to Paris!" I yelled furiously. All I had in my mind was Edward. Edward, sweet, gorgeous, nice, careful Edward. He was my everything, and suddenly, he would brutally be ripped out of my life. Just when everything had worked out so well, terrifying obstacles would meet us – it wasn't fair. I wasn't going to give in without a fight. "You can't make me!"

Charlie sighed. "I know I can't… But Renée… Bella… I… Speak to her yourself, she won't take a no…"

"I'm eighteen! I can do whatever I want! No one can _force _me into moving to Paris!" I protested. Edward was everywhere in my mind, and I missed him terribly. This simply wasn't going to occur, we weren't going to be separated.

"Bella, calm down!" Charlie warned me.

"_NO!_ I continued to shout. "_I, Bella Swan, am not going to Paris! Ever!_"

Charlie put a comforting hand on my shoulder – I simply stared at it. Didn't he have any sympathy at all? Didn't he understand how I felt?

"You need to go," he whispered. "It's just for six months."

My mouth popped open. "_Six months_? You've _got_ to be _kidding_ me! Six freakin' months?! That's an eternity!"

"No, Bella, it's not. Look –."

"I am _not _going to look anywhere! She can't _force_ me into moving! No one can!"

"Isabella," he started, a warning tone in his voice. "Calm. Down."

I shook my head. "No."

He tilted his head to the side. "Listen, honey, I know this is hard…"

"No, you don't," I explained. "You don't know anything, not even a single little word, about how hard this is for me! You understand nothing." I knew he didn't. Nothing could describe my happiness as Edward and I had come clear with the fact that we liked each other, and there were no words to mark the awful feeling that now was eating my heart from the inside.

Charlie was clearly feeling surprised about my speech.

"How could you do this to me, Dad?" I demanded. "_How_? How could you betray me like that? You know that I would never, _ever_, consider moving away from here, even though I think it's a bit too green." Very true. "And you of all people! My own _father_." I knew that the last one was a bit exaggerated, but I would have to risk it. Now, it was all or nothing.

It worked. Sadness spread across his face for the fraction of a second.

"I. Am. Not. Going. To. Paris," I finished it all with, and ran up the stairs to my room. My own, soothing, comforting, room, it was my home.

The tears started to fall as I flung the door open, and threw myself on top of the bed. This couldn't be happening. I wouldn't let it happen.

I blindly reached for my cell, and dialed Edward's number with shaking fingers.

_Pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up… _

**A/N: Drama, huh? Finally this story is following the summary! Note that the name of the chapter is named after "Meet me on the equinox" (from the New Moon soundtrack), which I totally adore! **

**Next chapter will, hopefully, be published in about a week. **

**Please review****, I would love to hear your opinion!**


	4. Growing Apart

**Disclaimer: Do I really need one? Everybody knows I don't own twilight. **

Chapter 4

Growing apart

Three weeks later, I was sitting on the bed in my room, with all of my bags packed, all of the memories collected that I was going to bring to Paris. I had spent the entire last night crying, the explanation for why I yawned loudly. I didn't want to move, not now, not ever. It was so unfair, just as everything had turned out just as I wished; it mercilessly had to be ripped away from me.

My room looked nothing like it had ever done before. Almost every single proof of that a girl named Isabella Swan had once lived here, was as gone like the light breeze rustling through the treetops. All possible dust had been wiped away from both of my desk and bedside table, where worn books and short pencils no longer rested, the floor had been vacuum cleaned and the wardrobe was gaping empty. It didn't even smell the same anymore.

The sight of it made me unhappier than I already was. It would be six months before I would be able to come back here, do my home works at the desk, sleep in the bed, gaze out the window… All of that would be gone. But most importantly, Edward wouldn't come with me.

Moving wouldn't involve such a terrible pain, if it weren't because of Edward. Of course I would miss Charlie, Jacob, Angela, and all my other (not very many) friends from school. But Edward was the one person who mattered more than anyone. Without him, life was almost pointless. He was practically the only thing that made me want to get up for school in the morning. I couldn't imagine moving away from him for _six _months. Six months, with an entire ocean between us. It seemed so surreal, never before had I been away from him for such a long time.

Ever since the day he had found out about the fact that I was moving to Paris, we had slowly glided apart. During the three weeks that had flown by a lot faster than I had wished, he hadn't kissed me for a third time. It wasn't as though I was hoping for much though, I understood that it would be natural for him to make a distance, knowing that it would hurt more than necessary, when we would be separated.

I had _tried_, to the best of my abilities, to prevent the moving, but just as Charlie had told me, Renée's will was hard as steel, even harder than the braces I had removed three years earlier. She had tried to tell me that she wasn't forcing me to come with her, but I was smart enough to realize that it was a lie. She _was_ forcing me to come with her, it was in her every word, and the way she uttered it. Only a fool would be dumb enough to not see that I was being taken, against my will, to Paris.

Paris… The thought of the city made me feel insecure. I had only been abroad one time in my entire life, when Phil and Renée got married at a beach in Mexico, and I had no idea of how I would adapt to life in France. When I thought of it, I knew absolutely _nothing _about France, at least nothing that was worth knowing.

There were no more tears to shed over this; there was nothing I could do about it. Whether I liked it or not, I _was_ about to move to an entirely different country. I _was _going to leave Forks, and everything I thought mattered, behind.

Charlie was number two on my worry-list. I was unsure of how he would handle living on his own, without me doing the laundry, cooking the food and being his company. In a way, I was the more adult one under our roof.

I shrugged, knowing that this was going to be the last time I would see Edward for a painfully long time. The thought was so upsetting; it made me want to shout out loud what I felt. Nothing could be worth being without Edward for _six_ months.

The goodbye was painful between the two of us, but yet awkward and silent at the same time. Both of us were so shy, and I regretted it badly afterwards. It would be the last time I would see him for so long. The thought made me shed a few silent tears in the car to the airport. Charlie didn't notice, and even if he had done so, I supposed that he would see it as a natural reaction. I was leaving Forks for six months; he ought to understand that for me, it was upsetting.

Renée and Phil greeted me with more enthusiasm than I thought was possible at the airport. Afterwards, both of them showed me around in the town, and for a brief moment, I suspected that maybe all this wouldn't be that bad after all.

I truly did try to adapt to my life in Paris. I put my best effort into it, and still, it was as though all I tried with was for nothing. Every night when I would go to bed, I would still think of myself as unhappy.

Was there something wrong with me? Edward was the only thing on my mind, the only thing I was able to focus on.

The first two weeks after my departure, we would call each other every day, and talk for more than an hour. During our phone calls, it was as though the awkward goodbye had never occurred. Edward and I spoke about everything, every tiny little detail of our day. His calls always made me feel a little better. We missed each other so much. Well, at least _I _missed Edward. I missed the crooked smile that would adorn his face when I said something silly or when I was too sarcastic for my own good, I missed his warm green eyes that always looked at me with the kindest, softest gaze, I missed the feeling when my hand was in his… I missed everything about him, and it tore me apart.

The phone calls would diminish, and it ate me up from inside. I missed him terribly, and it hurt to find out that his promises about coming to visit only were empty words. They meant nothing, and a heartbreaking pain grabbed my chest every time I thought about it.

Slowly but securely, the phone calls would be weekly, and not daily. After a month, they were short, only fifteen minutes, because we had nothing to talk about anymore. Life in France wasn't interesting without him, and that was why I avoided talking about my new home in Paris.

After two months, we started sending e-mails to each other, instead of calling each other, which happened very seldom. At first, I liked the idea. Edward sent me long e-mails, explaining in detail how his day had been, and how much he missed me. Every time my eyes would read the content over and over again, it was as if my stone cold heart slowly was being heated up. Just too bad, that I was unable to write him just as long replies. That was probably the reason for why his messages were shorter every time I received a reply.

I understood that it was hopeless the first time he wrote me five lines, and tears reluctantly found their way down my cheeks. I hated it. I hated living in Paris – I hated my life here. And I hated the fact that I was dependant on Edward, but that was the truth. My life was pointless without him.

We were losing touch, growing away from each other. We were, even though I was too scared to admit it, moving apart. It broke my heart, which resulted in that I cried myself to sleep almost every night while I was away. I longed for the moment I would see him in front of me again, and the fact that it was so far away made me cry even harder.

Edward.

We never spoke about the two kisses, not even in the e-mails. I supposed it was because of the fact that we were both embarrassed. Me, because of that I would never, ever, dare to talk the first step myself. Him, because he had most likely changed his mind about the feelings he had for me. The thought stung every time it crossed my mind, but deep, deep, down, I never stopped hoping that there might be a chance, a little, tiny, tiny, chance, that he still had feelings for me.

Of course I couldn't fool Renée. She was perfectly aware of that something was terribly wrong, but every time she would bring the subject up, I became quiet as a mouse. I would never, ever, forgive her for forcing me to move. Before I had come to Paris, she was the person I could call, and talk about everything. Now, she became more frustrating by the day, trying to understand why I always was sulking.

I knew that the thought behind her actions was nice (even though what you _do_ is what counts), but I simply couldn't bring myself to show any appreciation at all. Every time I would speak to her, it was like a dark voice in the back of my head was telling me that _she _was the reason for why Edward and I were separated.

Renée knew that I wasn't happy with moving, and she did her best to try to make it up to me. The only thing was, that it didn't work, not at all. I grew tired of her attempts, the presents she gave me, the food she cooked me, the places she took me to… Of course I had loved the Eiffel Tower, not to mention the Louvre and all the bridges, but it was as if I was unable to take it all in. It all repelled, away from me. This city was amazing; it was just that I couldn't enjoy it. Every day, I thought of Forks, the forests, the green… Now, it was so inviting.

I found solace in the only friend I had found in Paris, Alice. Even though I went to an English school, none of the persons there seemed to want to be with me. They took a distance from me, as if I was a venomous plant. Alice didn't. She was Renée's only French friend's daughter, and we had come to great terms directly.

Alice was a small and tiny creature, with short brown spiky hair, warm eyes, and a light voice. For some reason, she understood everything I told her, which made me feel welcomed and cared about in her presence.

Alice was the reason for why I got up in the morning, the reason for why I even made an attempt to act normal. Her angelic laugh and sparkling eyes were the only things that could make me smile. She was the best friend, apart from Edward, that I had ever had.

It was an understatement to say that I didn't enjoy my stay in Paris – because I hated it. I dreaded to wake up in the morning, to try to act normal when I knew that nothing was normal without him.

In a strange way, Alice managed to change it a little bit. After every time I met her, I felt a little bit better; I was one step closer from being completely healed. There were too many steps left, but at least her encouraging words were something, something to keep the joy of living.

I had told Alice every single thing I knew about Edward, and it felt as though she had been through exactly the same. Her words were always so thoroughly chosen, as if she had thought carefully through what to say before each of her replies.

Alice was special, and she was my true friend. Her English was something that could be improved though. And it didn't actually help that I still hadn't learned more than five words in French since I had moved to Paris.

Alice was almost the opposite of me, and that was why it struck me as strange for us to come to such good terms. She loved attention, was good in school, and didn't care about what others thought about her. I admired her for being so emotionally strong; I secretly wanted to be more like Alice.

"But Bella, do not you think zat it is obvious zat Edward 'as feelings for you too?" Alice asked one day as we were sitting on her bed, hovering over a pair of French magazines I couldn't understand a word of, while listening to Arielle Dombasle, Alice's favorite singer. Personally, I found her English a bit too heavy accented for my taste. "I mean, ze way 'e leaned forward to kiss you, if I am not mistaken, I am sure about zat 'e likes you too, very much."

I wanted to believe her words, but deep down, I know it was just wish thinking. "I'm not sure about that Alice, it was just a one-time-happening."

"_Mais Bella_! _Ce n'est pas vrai! _'E obviously finds you attractive, at least."

I blushed deeply. "Of course not," I murmured, embarrassed. The thought of that Edward might see me as attractive made me want to giggle.

"_Mon Dieu!_ Stop zat now, Isabella! You know as much as I do zat Edward likes you, a lot. How do you explain your long phone calls zen? Was not he ze one to phone you every day, was he not? I am sure that he wants more than your friendship, Bella."

"Why are we even discussing this? We both know it's not true. Besides, we don't speak on the phone anymore."

"You are going 'ome in a month, you will see zat 'e loves you when you meet."

My heart skipped a beat as I thought about the fact that I would meet Edward soon. But when I came back to Forks, Alice would still be in France.

"Oh, Alice!" I exclaimed. "I'm gonna miss you _so_ much!"

Alice laughed. "I will miss you too, Bella."

I hugged her tightly to me and inhaled the smell of Alice, the sweet floral scent reminded me a bit of Edward.

"Well, now," Alice said and pulled away. "You need to look beautiful when he sees you again, would you like to borrow some clothes from me?" she offered.

I smiled. "Alice, you're too nice to me."

She smiled back at me. "And 'ow will you 'ave your 'air?"

"I'll look as I always do," I responded.

Alice shook her head. "'Zat is not acceptable, _mon amie_. You need to look absolutely dazzling. He will regret not following you to Paris when he sees you."

I laughed. "It's not possible for me to look dazzling," I explained. "Look at me and you'll understand."

"Do not be so 'ard on yourself, Bella! I zink zat you look very pretty," she said happily and smiled weakly.

I sighed. Alice was so nice and sweet to me. I didn't deserve a friend like her, not when I was sulking through every day of my life. She was never blaming me for acting like I did; all she did was trying to cheer me up. Alice was such a genuinely nice person, that my confidence sank as I thought about how horrible I must be, compared to me.

"You're too nice to me," I told her. "I really should be a lot happier when I'm with you. Not just grieving and sulking through my life." She tilted her head to the side as she looked at me. "I don't actually have a reason for being like this…" I said, mostly to myself, and lied down on the soft mattress under me, staring up at the ceiling.

"Well, if you want to feel better, this is not 'elping, Bella. But I zink you 'ave a reason, your behavior is acceptable, you've lost the love of your life!"

I raised my eyebrows at her. Sure, Edward was the boy I wanted most in the entire world, but I doubted that he would remain so for the rest of my life. The love of my life? Wasn't it a bit early to say such a thing at eighteen years of age? It was for me anyway…

"I notice it when you speak about 'im, then I know you are meant to be together. How much you go into detail, it is so obvious, Bella," she continued. "Do you see it, yourself? I see it, 'e's in your 'ead all of ze time!"

I laughed nervously, and was just about to answer as I got interrupted. The doorbell rang.

"_Alice_!" someone shouted from a distance. "_Alice, Jasper est ici!_"

I could make out the word Jasper out of the statement in French Alice's mom just had called out, and supposed that that was the reason for why Alice's eyes turned softer the minute she'd heard her mother's voice.

"_J'arrive!_" she yelled back and immediately rose from the bag. "Are you coming?" she wanted to know. "It is Jasper!" she said excitedly, just as always when she was talking about her boyfriend, Jasper.

I sighed, realizing what I had left back in Forks. Alice and Jasper were so happy, and so pretty, together. Of course, I was glad that they had found each other, it was difficult to not see how splendid they made each other feel, but it stung badly in my heart every time I saw them together. How they were laughing together, and smiling at each other… In a strange kind of way, it remembered me of Edward, and the thought of him sent chills of pleasure down my spine. I still liked him, a lot.

"I'm up," I said, pushing myself up on my elbows before leaving the soft place on the bed.

Alice was already out of her room, and I followed her out of her polished room. Everything in it had its perfect place, and forgotten socks and books on the floor was nonexistent, it wasn't like my room.

Alice lived together with her mom and dad in a rather large apartment. It was bigger than the one I shared with Renée and Phil, and lay very nearby ours.

Jasper was standing in the white, clean, hallway, with an expression that revealed that he was on Cloud 9. With Alice, he always was. She was the cheese to his macaronis, she was the stickers in his album and she was the laces in his shoes.

Jasper was quite tall, with penetrating, deep, blue eyes and a curtain of honey blond locks of hair was covering a bit of his face. I didn't know him very well, but always thought of him as a nice guy, since he often shared his French candy with me. I had, literally, fallen in love with "Carambar", French candy, and was a bit worried of how things would work out in Forks without them.

Even though Jasper epitomized Alice's picture of a perfect boy she never, not even once, ditched me for hanging out with him. Of course, he came over from time to time, like now, when Alice and I were spending time together, but Alice always put me first. I appreciated it very much, more than I showed it.

I blushed as both of them shared a light kiss on the lips, and mumbled "hi" to Jasper.

"Hi, Bella," he answered.

Jasper's French was a lot better than Alice's, to which I was grateful. I had learned that French people's English pronunciation could be improved, a lot. Fortunately, that didn't involve Jasper.

Alice continued on trying to tell me that my feelings for Edward were responded, but deep down, I think that she knew too, it was wrong. How much I hoped that Edward fantasized about me too, there was nothing I could do to make it through. It would remain as wish thinking.

The fewer the days became to the day when I would move back to Forks, the more insecure I felt. How would it be to meet him again, after all this time? He had never visited me, everything could have happened. He could have gotten a tattoo, an ugly haircut and an entirely new style… What if he had lost interest in me? I shrugged at the thought.

There should have been more things I could have been worried about, but Edward was the only thing on my mind. He was like the center of my universe; all of my thoughts were circling around him. Without him, my head would be… empty. Empty as a vase. Nothingness.

Almost all the time, I was occupied in my head, wondering about Edward. Since we only kept in touch a few times every week, there was not much left to do than to desperately brood over him. What he was doing now, what he was thinking, wishing…

And then, I found myself sitting on my bed with all of my bags packed; just as I had did six months before. Only now, I was sitting in an entirely different room, a different city, a different _country_. Still, the waves of flashback that rolled over me were brutal. The thought of that I would see Edward in a few hours was almost so surreal I couldn't believe it. I had spent the previous night moving back and forth in my bed, shifting position and trying to sleep, when I knew it was impossible. I had analyzed every memory of him that I had, and were turning them back and forth, to get an at least small understanding of how our reunion would be like. Still, after having thought about it for an entire night, I had no clue of how it would be.

To say goodbye to Alice was almost as terrible as telling Edward goodbye. She promised to come visit me, and I hoped that she _was _intending on doing it. I would miss her so much, she had become my one, true, friend during my stay in Paris.

Renée and Phil decided to stay in Paris for another six months. They seemed to enjoy the city, and had almost managed to convince me to stay a little longer. Though on that point I had been surprisingly stubborn, I was going to move home as quickly as possible. Because Forks was home, the only place I'd ever call home.

I was feeling ill of all the anticipation on the plane that I almost wanted to vomit. Never before had I felt like this. It was as if my feelings for Edward had grown while I'd been away. All the time, I would nervously chew my lip, finger with the bracelet he'd given me, cross my legs, and shift my gaze to the people sitting next to me, over and over again. Even I understood that sitting next to me during that flight, had to be a real pain in the ass.

In Chicag, I switched to a plane to Port Angeles. And then, as the plane got ready for landing at Port Angeles's miniscule airport, I was suddenly horrorstricken of the fact that this was it. This was the moment I had eagerly been awaiting for for so long – the reunion with Edward.

My seat was next to the plane window, and glanced out to spot the familiar airport. Maybe he was there, with Charlie. Maybe there was just a distance about a hundred feet between us. A tingling feeling escaped from the pit of my stomach at the thought. Edward.

**A/N:** **What did you think? And did you understand Alice's Frenglish? Sorry if there's some grammar mistake in the French. Haha! **

**I listened a lot to "Satellite Heart" from the New Moon soundtrack while writing this chapter. I love it! The lyrics are perfect. The song is hilarious! =) The entire New Moon soundtrack is hilarious. **

**I got 8 when I published the last chapter; can't I have just as many for this too? Please review! It means so much!**


	5. An inconvenient truth

**Disclaimer: Do I really need one? Everybody knows I don't own twilight. **

Chapter 5

An inconvenient truth

"_Bells!_" a familiar man said, rather discreetly, a few feet away, as his familiar figure appeared before me. It was easy to make him out in the small crowd around him. "_Bella!_" he repeated, waving awkwardly at me.

To my great disappointment, no handsome boy with bronze tousled hair was standing beside him. He was perfectly alone. I stubbornly blinked away the liquid that had started to form in my eyes. It was unnecessary – I couldn't become so upset. Edward hadn't told me he was coming to the airport; it was only a silly wish I had kept inside of me.

I was standing at baggage claim, just recently haven taken my bags with a rather difficulty off from the belt. They were heavy, and maybe mostly to the fact that I had stuffed tons of "Carambar" into them in every possible place. In my shoes, even.

"Hi, Dad!" I said, trying to sound cheery, as I shortened the distance between us and gave him a one-armed hug. He returned it awkwardly.

"Hi, Bella," he said. "Do you want me to take your bags?" he offered.

"Sure," I said, handing him one of the two large bags I had brought to Paris. "Thanks."

He took it in one hand in a swift motion, obviously not bothering the weight.

"How was Paris, then?" he asked as we steered our steps to the near exit. A cascade of cold rain and a grey color dominating the sky met us.

"Good," I said, fighting with trying to carry my bag. "Lots of people."

"I've heard. Did you see any nice monuments? The Eiffel Tower?" he wondered.

I nodded. "Yeah. I've got pictures if you want to see, I brought my camera."

"Good it could come to use, then," he said. "The cruiser's over there." He pointed towards a grey concrete building about thirty feet in front of us. I followed him nicely, but not gracefully, as he walked briskly towards the parking house, wanting to avoid the rain.

I didn't mind the rain. In fact, I had, in a strange way, missed it. During the days I had spent in Paris, very few of them had been chosen to water the ground. I had missed the smell just after a rainsquall; the fresh, moist, smell was like home for me.

We drove home in silence. The only sound audible was the smattering raindrops on the car window, and the windshields stubbornly wiping them away. I nervously fingered with the bracelet Edward had given me during the journey, not being able to resist thinking about him. Sometimes, I was afraid that I might have forgotten partly how he looked. I hadn't brought any photos of him to Paris, because I didn't own any. The thought troubled me as the pavement of the highway disappeared under the car. I hoped that he hadn't forgotten how I looked.

Edward was the only thing circling in my mind as the distance to Forks shortened for every second. I nervously started chewing on my thumbnail, considering if I was going to ask Charlie anything about Edward.

After a while, I couldn't fight the urge anymore. "How's Edward?" I began, trying to sound spontaneous.

"Good," Charlie replied, not tearing his gaze away from the road. "He's waiting home, with Jake."

A warmth developed through my entire body. _Edward was home. _The thought of that he was waiting for me made me bouncy and jumpy, the ten year old hidden deep inside me was suddenly there again. "Oh. Okay," I said, resisting the urge to smile widely.

The last ten minutes of the road home were excruciating. I couldn't stop glancing nervously at the clock every ten seconds, to see how long it was until I would see Edward. I always tried to do it as discreetly as possible, even though I suspected that Charlie saw my eager looks towards the display showing the time.

When we pulled up in front of the house, it was hard to restrain myself to not run towards the house, flung the door open and meet Edward's open arms. Okay, there was a possibility that two closed arms, and an icy glare would meet me, but I doubted it. I just knew it, a small indication of intuition revealed it to me. Besides, he needed to be eager to see me too, if he was waiting home at the house.

Surprisingly, I didn't focus any attention whatsoever on Jake. It was only Edward. The thought made me feel the tiniest bit guilty – Jacob was also one of my best friends.

Charlie opened the trunk on the cruiser so painfully slowly, that I wanted to reach out and tear the bag away from his hands. He walked slowly towards the door, and took more time than necessary to get the key out of his pocket.

_Was he doing this on purpose? Did he want to delay our reunion? _I asked myself, as I eyed him finally grabbing the key. My pulse was thudding violently in my ears. _There's just one door between us, just one simple door… _

The door opened with a low creak, and I quickly stepped in before Charlie.

"Hello! I'm home!" I yelled out, dropping my bag with a loud thump on the ground. Charlie followed me in, and closed the door after him.

And then, as if the scene had been perfectly copied from a happy fairytale, there he was, just having stepped out from the kitchen. My memory hadn't done him any justice, not at all. He was so much more beautiful than I remembered him. Those perfect emerald green eyes… I had almost forgotten how beautiful the piercing soft color was. My favorite crooked smile was adorning his face with the perfect angles, and his hair was lying messy on his head, with a few reddish-brown strands covering his face.

He was smiling at me with the softest gentlest expression in his eyes, and I immediately drowned into them. Here, I wanted to stay forever, I never wanted the moment to end. Edward was here, with me, and I was looking him into his eyes. That was all I needed, all I wanted.

The moment he appeared before my gaze, it was as though I was lifted up to the sky. Suddenly, everything was possible; I could walk on water, run a marathon, fly to the moon… When he was there, everything was possible. It was as if he was the centre of my universe, my everything.

My heart was pounding harder than it had ever done before, almost breaking my ribs with the hard thuds. The palms of my hands almost instantly turned damp with sweat, and I had to put down the black one-shoulder bag I had in my hand, so that it wouldn't slip through my fingers.

I was vaguely aware of how Jacob came into view behind Edward, as he started talking.

"Hi, Bella!" Edward said happily, holding his arms out to hug me. His voice was so soft, like velvet, and I had to restrain myself to not throw my arms around him in a quick, loving, motion.

"Hi, Edward," I mumbled, as I clumsily stumbled forward to hug him. He smelled so good, and I couldn't believe how I had survived being without his perfect scent for six entire months. It seemed so bizarre, since he was my reason for everything.

He pulled away awkwardly after a too short time. I wanted to be in his arms forever, and I was disappointed when he dropped his arms to his sides. There was something in the way he pulled away, as if those two kisses had never existed. The thought troubled me. Maybe there no longer was hope that my feelings were responded. Maybe our time apart had torn too much on our relationship (if we'd ever had one). Maybe he had decided that it was futile, trying to mend the pieces after six months. I wanted to cry at the possibility.

"_Bella!_" Jacob cried out behind him, waking me up from my trance.

"Jacob?" I said, almost posing it as a question. "Hi," I said, surprised that his arms were suddenly around me.

"Bella, I've missed you so much! It's been so lonely without you, boring… You have no idea how good it is to have you back!" he said quickly with a smile.

I blushed. "It couldn't be that big a difference…"

"I swear, it _was_. It's so good to have you back – you have no idea. And you need to tell us _everything_! How was Paris? I've never been there; you need to give me all the details!"

"Well it's very different from Forks…" I said distantly. My mind was still thinking of Edward, it was difficult to answer to Jake's questions at the same time.

The fact that Edward was standing so close – that we were under the same roof – seemed so surreal. I had waited for this moment for so long, imagined how it would be like. But not even once had I pictured it like this – both of us quiet, almost awkward, even. And I definitely had thought too little about Jake; naturally, he would be the one to take over the conversation.

Jake chatted casually with me for the next few minutes, and all the time, my mind would be focused on Edward. He was standing to my right, and was listening to our conversation. From time to time, I would snatch a glance of him from the corner of my eyes, and every time it shocked me how perfect he looked. His features were so flawless, that it almost made me feel jealous.

As the indigo dark started to fall over Forks, Charlie offered Jake and Edward to stay for dinner. He had taken for granted that I would cook, and I didn't blame him. All Charlie was able to create in the kitchen was bacon and eggs; he had to have longed to eat a proper meal, now that I was home.

It wasn't as though his offer had any disadvantages for me. After all, the way to a man's heart was through his stomach. It would be a perfect time to impress Edward with my new French cooking skills.

Edward offered to help in the kitchen, and the fact that he was willing to assist me made my knees weak. He was so perfect.

The dinner was loud; Charlie, Edward and Jacob were bombarding me of questions about everything from how the girls looked (Jacob, of course) to how the city looked around Christmas. I was unable to answer half of the questions, but did my best. During the meal, my mind was mostly focused on Edward, and the fact that he was sitting so close to me.

Jacob went, to my relief, home first, just after dinner, telling us about a Maths test he had on Monday. Edward stayed just a little longer, helping me with the beginning of my unpacking. It was very nice with help, unpacking had been a real pain when I had arrived in Paris, and I liked to have at least a small part of it done already.

I followed Edward out to say goodbye, not wanting to miss a second of spending time with him.

The March wind made me shrug in my thin sweater, and I glanced up at the glistening stars adorning the sky. They were so beautiful. This was perfect, Edward and I, alone, outside, under a dark cover with illuminated silver spurts. The soft moonlight was falling gently on his face, causing him to look angelic.

"Listen, are you free tomorrow?" he asked, running his fingers through his hair.

My heart skipped a beat. _Was he asking me out? For real? _Maybe I had interpreted all the signs he'd given to me during our reunion entirely wrong. What _if _he wanted to be more than friends? Would tomorrow be the moment where he would tell it all to me? How he had missed me terribly when I had moved to Paris, how he had regretted starting sending emails instead of calling, how he had actually planned on visiting, but he hadn't afforded it? Was this it? The moment I had waited for for almost my entire lifetime.

I needed to act calm, play as though it was as natural as the wind to blow for boys to ask me out. I had no experience on how to do this, how was I going to say yes? Eagerly? Maybe a bit casually, as though it was the easiest thing in the world. Or was I supposed to ask distant, as though I didn't care? If only Alice had been there.

What was I supposed to wear? If we were going on a _date_ I had to look stunning, just as Alice had told me. I suddenly regretted not borrowing some of Alice's clothes with me to Forks.

I needed to call Alice; I needed to tell her everything. Right now. _Edward Cullen was asking me out. Oh my_ _freaking God. _

"Yes," I answered quickly, without having time to think. I would always be free for Edward.

A smile lit up his face. If he continued to smile at me, I was sure my knees would fold under me. "Great, there's someone I'd like you to meet. Would you like to come? I can pick you up."

My heart sank in my chest. In the split of a second, all my hopeful fantasies of passionate kisses and love explanations crumbled into dust. _Edward Cullen wasn't asking me out. _I fought the stupid tears in my eyes; it was nothing to shed tears for.

"Oh," I said, focusing on hiding the grave disappointment in my voice. _Do not show him you were expecting something else_."Sure."

"What time?" he wondered.

"Whatever's good for you. School isn't until Monday." I had had the luck to come home on a Saturday – it would give me time to get everything ready before I would start school.

"Two?"

"Sounds good."

"Okay, good," he said, the relief obvious in his voice. I loved when he talked, his voice was so soft, almost hypnotizing. "And thank you for tonight."

"No problems, I'm just happy you wanted to come," I said quickly, nervously biting down on my lip, brooding about if I had told him too much.

"Goodbye, Bella," he said slowly, staring into my eyes.

There were so many emotions in his face, in his eyes. They were soft, caring and tender, and at the same time, he seemed to be struggling with himself, an inner fight. I wondered what it was about.

Before I had time to realize what was happening, he had reached out his hand, and gently taken mine in his for just the briefest second. His hand was warm, and I hoped he couldn't feel my pulse thudding wildly and relentlessly in my fingertips at his touch.

Then, he turned around to walk towards his silver Volvo, leaving me shocked behind. _At least he had taken my hand. That ought to mean something, right?_ I thought, as I stared after his walking form being swallowed by the thick dark surrounding him.

I walked into the house again, being in a deep trance. An Edward-trance, it was how I always felt after spending time with him.

He picked me up the following afternoon, just as he had said, at two o'clock. Charlie grunted goodbye to me as I slammed the door shut to run out to Edward. Raindrops were falling execrably fast down from the sky, making my sneakers become damp with rain almost instantly.

Edward had pulled up in front of the house, and I ran towards his Volvo, not wanting to get too wet. It wouldn't be nice to meet a new person looking as though I'd just come home from a clothes-swim. Though I suspected that that was exactly how I would look like.

"Hi," I said lightly, slamming the door shut to the passenger seat. I quickly looked up to see his face; it was what I had been waiting for the entire day. To see those breathtaking eyes adorn his perfectly angled face. Oh Lord, he made me feel so different, hopeful.

"Hello." His voice was as soft as always, and I fought the urge to not throw my arms around him and give him a deep kiss. My hands clasped into fists as I resisted tugging his shirt to get his attention. _Restrain yourself, Bella. You can do this. Don't embarrass yourself, not now, when you're finally together. _

A part of me still hadn't realized that I was sitting in Edward's car, a mere foot away from him. In my mind, I was hyperventilating. _After six months, you're finally with him. Six _months_. _The thought shocked me. I had waited for this for so long now, that I couldn't screw it up.

"Where are we going?" I asked casually, as Edward started the engine with a low purr. I wished my truck had such a silent sound.

"Listen, I know you hate surprises, but I'll have to keep this one to myself. I don't want to spoil anything," he explained, his eyes on the road.

"Oh great," I said, folding my arms across my chest in a stubborn gesture. Still, half of it was only acting; I secretly liked the fact that Edward had picked me up, _alone_.

"Bella don't be difficult," he said, tearing his gaze away from the road to look at me. Suddenly, his soft hand was placed on mine, and my eyes widened in frustration at his touch. If he continued, I knew I wouldn't be able to fight the urge of throwing myself in his arms.

"I like to be difficult," I told him, my mind only focusing on the hand he had placed on mine.

"Well, I don't," he said, his gaze once again wandering to the road. A moment later, his hand had lifted from mine and returned to the wheel. The place where he had touched me was toasty warm.

After fifteen minutes, he pulled up in front of a small, picturesque, house with a garden full of colorful flowers. The bricks were glistening white, and I wondered if somebody polished them daily, the looked so incredibly clean.

Bright curtains were hanging in the two windows that were visible, and the roof was low enough for an adult man to climb up on.

"Who lives here? Snow White and the seven dwarves?" I asked skeptically as my eyes raked over the house. It _did _look as if it was taken from a tale.

"Ha, ha, ha," Edward said ironically. "And no, Snow White lives just across the street actually." I elbowed him playfully in his side, before he stepped out of the car, and ran towards the door. I followed him. The rain was still falling mercilessly on the ground.

I nervously fingered with Edward's bracelet around my wrist, who was living here?

There wasn't a doorbell, I noticed, as Edward knocked on the door three times. A woman in her late forties opened it effortlessly. She was wearing a green turtleneck top, and her brightly orange hair was put in a ponytail. Her face was wizened in a few places; it made her look like an old aunt.

"Oh, hello, Edward. Lovely to see you again."

"Hello Mrs. Martin."

"And who have we got here, then," the woman said, observing me with friendly eyes.

"This is my friend, Bella," he said. "Bella, this is Mary Martin, Mrs. Martin, this is Isabella Swan."

_Oh great. He introduced me as his _friend_ Bella, if he was hoping we would become something else, he surely wouldn't have introduced me as his friend, right?_

"Hello, Isabella," the woman said, shaking my hand in a loose grip. "Nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you, too, Mrs. Martin."

"Oh, please call me Mary, and you too, Edward," she said in a light voice. "You're here to see, Sheila, I assume."

Edward nodded.

_Wait, Sheila? Who is Sheila? _I froze. Was Sheila the person Edward had wanted me to meet? Could she possibly be… his… I couldn't bring myself to even think the word; it scared me to imagine Edward with someone else.

I had never thought about the possibility that I might not be the only girl in Edward's life, and now, when the truth hit me like a rocket. It crippled upon me like an unwanted mosquito, making me feel empty.

Now I knew the answer to the question I had been brooding about for six, long, months. Edward didn't think of me as more than a friend. To him, I would remain as Bella, his friend. He would never think of me as something more. The thought made me feel nauseous for some reason, and I blindly grabbed Edward's arm, steadying myself with it.

"Bella? Are you alright?" he asked worriedly.

I nodded frantically. "Of course, Edward. I'm okay. I'm fit as a fiddle. In fact, I feel splendid. Almost like I could run a marathon!" I was babbling, and banned myself for it – I had done the situation even worse than it was.

"I'll go get her for you," Mrs. Martin said, and left us in the hallway. It was a small one, with a Persian carpet placed on the floor, white wallpapers, and a table with one single flower in the right corner.

Edward stepped inside and signed for me to follow.

One moment later, Mrs. Martin stepped into the room together with another girl at her side. She looked our age, apart from the fact that she seemed far to pretty to exist in reality. A cascade of honey blonde, glistening, curls fell lightly down on her shoulders. Every strand of hair had its precise place, causing her to look unnaturally perfect. She smiled widely at me, and a pair of glistening pale white teeth was hidden under her rose lips.

She had shining and sparkling, blue, eyes, with streaks of grey and dark blue placed in them, positioned under a thick set of coal black eyelashes.

Her eyes were observing me with a sweet, almost scary, look. Everything on her was sweet as sugar; she was copied from the most perfect of all fairytales. She was the princess, the most beautiful girl, the kindest and the most talented of all. It was written all over her face, it radiated everything.

She was so beautiful, I was nothing compared to her – I feared the worst. If Edward could have a girl like her, then why in the name of God would he choose me over her?

_Please tell me it's his cousin, please tell me it's his cousin, please, please, _please_ tell me it's his cousin._

Edward suddenly cleared his throat formally, and presented the girl standing across the room. "Bella, I want you to meet my fiancée, this is Sheila."

**A/N: Oooh! I know! EDWARD HAS A FIANCÉE! How could he do this to Bella? And seriously, Bella is so much better than stupid Sheila. What does Edward even see in her? **

**I'm going away this weekend, so I figured I could update a bit earlier because I need a break from my computer. **

**And yes, I know that I've taken the name from this chapter from Al Gore's movie (which you really should see, by the way) but I suck at naming my chapters… **

**What did you think? I love reviews, so please give me one!**


	6. The Face of Beauty

**Disclaimer: Do I really need one? Everybody knows I don't own twilight.**

Chapter 6

The Face of Beauty

In the fraction of a second, my heart froze. It was as though a million of ice-cold arrows had penetrated it, all on the same time. I became numb, immobile, frozen._Edward had a fiancée? He had found the girl he wanted to marry? _All hopes of that that special girl might be me were brutally crushed.

In Paris, I had never thought of the boys I had gotten to know there in a romantic way. My mind had always drifted to Edward, and how good my life had been in Forks. But not even once had I thought of that Edward might look at other girls than just me. It wasn't as if we had had anything special, apart from those two kisses. It was natural for it to end, when I had been forced to move.

The reason for why the thought hadn't hit me earlier was unknown. Maybe I had been so deadly sure that Edward wasn't interested in anyone else, and anyone else in Edward, that the thought had been pushed away. Other, more relevant and current, thoughts, had come before in the line of all the things to think about.

As I stared blindly at the girl in front of me, I felt how a paralyzing and cold feeling slowly started to form in my toes, to rise to my legs, to my chest, and finally occupy my head. It was as if I had just entered my own bubble. A bubble, where the outside sounds had been blocked out, and where there was only a vague sight of the environment around me. Suddenly, my ability to breath worsened. If I had ever experienced mental pain before, it was nothing to how I felt now. I was heartbroken, ruined, beyond repair.

Of course he would take me to see his fiancée, he thought of me as his _best friend_. A person he'd want his fiancée to meet. I had been a fool to think that he thought of me as anyone besides a friend. Because that was what I was, and what I would remain. A stabbing pain echoed through me the minute the thought crossed my mind.

_Could it really be true? Was this it? The end? Of everything? _Edward was going to live with this girl forever, the rest of his life… Every teeny, tiny, little, possibility of that one day, Edward would be with _me_ was now cruelly taken away. I would be alone, forever. I would die, one rainy day in October, as an old spinster, with mean cats as only company.

"Hi," the girl in front of me said in a voice sweeter than honey. She smiled wider to me, and I could swear I saw her teeth glisten. Her beauty was so obvious that it was impossible to not notice it. In a way, she looked better than Edward. There was inexorable excellence in her face. A throbbing needle of jealousy accompanied the ice-cold arrows, and penetrated my heart. "I'm Sheila," she said and reached her hand out. "You must be Bella, Edward's told me so much about you." A relentless smile was still on her face.

I couldn't bring myself to speak; I was too shocked. The entire situation seemed surreal. Was I really being introduced to Edward's fiancée? For real, was this happening for real?

Wordlessly, I shook her hand, staring at her. How could she be so pretty?

Edward gently pushed me in the side – he wanted me to speak.

I feebly blinked a few times before answering. "Yes, I-I'm Bella," I stuttered slowly, stumbling over the words.

She smiled soothingly, and her eyes amazed me. Those eyes, it was as though they had absorbed all the light there ever was, and shone magically wherever she was. Another stung of jealousy stabbed my heart.

"It's so great to finally meet you!" Sheila insisted. "I'm pretty sure Edward's told me every single thing there is to know about you!"

I slowly glanced towards my right, where Edward was fidgeting nervously. Didn't he want me to know that? Why? If the situation had been reversed, I would have made sure to tell my fiancé every possible detail there ever was about Edward.

"Would you two like to stay for some tea?" Mrs. Williams asked friendly. Her statement startled me; it was as though I had forgotten that she was in the room with us. Sheila's breathtaking appearance had stolen all the attention I had once had for her mother.

"I don't drink tea," I said. _Oh, great, Bella! What a perfect first impression you give them!_

"I'm sure we can find you something else," Sheila assured me. Inside, I wanted to scream. Sheila was _everything_ – beautiful, nice and kind. It would only be a matter of minutes before I would find out that she had just gotten a scholarship for inventing a new kind of way to prevent cancer from spreading. I was sure about that. Edward couldn't have picked a more perfect fiancée, and it tore me apart.

I simply nodded, and followed her into a small living room. An odd looking couch in a strange pattern was placed in the corner, there were green plants everywhere, a white table in front of the couch, and a red terracotta wallpaper was spread over the walls.

"Nice living room," was the best I managed to choke out as we slowly sauntered forward towards the couch. I briefly let my gaze fly across the room, and realized that the inside of this house looked exactly like I had imagined. It was as if it had been taken from a children's book.

"Thank you," Sheila said. "I like it too, I want to have one just like this when we move in together! Though I'd like a bit brighter wallpaper, and maybe a few more…"

"You're moving in together?" I interrupted. A chilly shiver ran down my spine in shock. It had been a sign, now I knew that all hope was lost, forever.

"Well, yeah," Sheila said with a nervous laugh. "I mean, we're engaged. It figures… doesn't it?"

I presumed it did. But one small part of me, deep, deep, down, still clung desperately to the idea that Sheila might one day disappear from Edward's life. I wanted it to happen, and surprisingly, I didn't feel the tiniest bit bad about it.

"When?" I asked, playing casual. My goal was to pretend that their engagement didn't bother me, even though it would be difficult to fool Edward. He was the person who knew me best in the entire world.

"It depends on when we find a proper place to live…"

"It could take months," Edward quickly filled in.

"I suppose so, yes," Sheila mused.

I nodded slowly, and politely took a cookie from a plate Mrs. Martin was holding out.

"So, you don't go to Forks High School, then?" I asked, nibbling on the edges of my cookie. Mrs. Martin sure knew how to bake, even though I was a bit embarrassed to admit it. "I've never seen you there…"

"I graduated last year actually," _Edward's marrying an older girl? _"I'm taking this year off though, to work on my book," she informed me.

_Your _book_? What's that one about, unicorns?_

"Oh, a book. What's it about?" I asked with faked curiosity. Her conversation was almost ridiculous. It felt so wrong in my ears; Edward wasn't supposed to marry a girl like this. She was wrong for him. He needed to be with someone more like… me? It felt selfish to think the thought. Maybe I _was _selfish. The possibility was reasonable. I was blinded by my jealousy of Sheila. She was the girl who was going to marry Edward, walk down the aisle, and tell him two enchanted words that would confirm her feelings for him. My stomach turned at the thought.

It was obvious; I was looking for excuses, faults, flaws, in Sheila, that would make her less worth in Edward's eyes. And to my surprise, I didn't feel bad about it. I had barely met Sheila, and I still had hundreds of prejudices. A vague thought reminded me of that everything was allowed in love. But how true was that, actually?

I didn't even listen when Sheila told me a detailed description of her, soon to be ready, book. All the while, one thought was pounding hard like a hammer inside of me: _Not her. _

"But enough about me," Sheila suddenly said, surprising me. "Tell me a bit about yourself, Bella!" she encouraged. "I want to know everything, from your point of view," she added and glanced at Edward with a determined look on her face. "You're Edward's best friend, I want to get to know you."

I blushed at her eagerness. Reluctantly, I realized that she was a very nice person. Nobody had ever before wanted to know anything about me, maybe because they saw that there was very little to know.

"There isn't much to know about," I explained shyly, gazing down at the carpet, observing its pattern very thoroughly.

"Well tell me one thing at least!" she pressed, the happy spark still hadn't disappeared from her eyes.

_How did she do that? How could she be so happy all the time?_

"I live with my dad Charlie, here in Forks. My mom lives in Phoenix, with her husband Phil…"

"How long have you been friends with Edward?"

"It feels like we've always been friends… Edward's a great friend." _Handsome, kind, generous, sweet, and he has the softest lips…_

Sheila nodded, and as I sat quiet, she realized that she would have to be the one asking the questions. Surprisingly, she didn't seem to mind or become irritated over the fact that I was quiet and shy as a mouse.

"What do you like to do in your spare time?"

I flushed. She had asked me a very embarrassing question, because I didn't do anything at all. Sports had never been my thing; I wasn't even a fan of walks. If I ever had spare time, I studied, or called Edward (at least when I hadn't been in Paris). The thought of telling Sheila that was not tempting – I didn't want to come off as plainer than I already was.

"I like reading…" I began slowly. It wasn't a lie. Sheila didn't have to know that I only read my favorite books again and again and again, my taste in books consisted of a very small circle of literature.

Her eyes lit up even more; they were so shockingly bright and beautiful.

I realized why Edward had proposed to her, she was more than perfect. Deep down, I saw that she would be good to him. Both of them were just as perfect and smart as the ideal couple was. I could forget ever getting together with Edward. Even if Sheila didn't exist, it wouldn't have worked out – I was too much of a mediocre, and I would always be.

"I _love _books!" she exclaimed enthusiastically, and it wouldn't surprise me if she had started to jump up and down in her seat. "That's why I'm writing one. A good book is everything, right Bella?"

"Er…" I started. "Sure."

She smiled in contentment.

I simply couldn't believe it. Edward was going to _marry _this girl, whether I liked it or not. They were to spend the rest of their lives together. I was suddenly overwhelmed by an instant dizziness as the realization hit me.

As I thought back to my brooding, it struck me as odd that I hadn't realized the truth earlier. It would have spared me all the breathtaking pain that was now boiling inside of me.

"Do you do any sports?" she continued to ask.

My brain froze. What was I going to answer? _The truth_, a vague voice whispered inside my head. _Edward will know if you lie. _

"I don't do any sports, actually," I said matter-of-factly, hoping to sound confident. "It's not my strong side, really."

"Oh," Sheila said, sounding extremely surprised. I bet she'd never met anyone who didn't spend her free time with swimming or playing tennis. "Then I have to take you playing racquetball!" she insisted in the same enthusiastic voice as before. "It's the best sport, really."

"Sheila's the second best in Washington," Mrs. Martin bragged, and I was astonished to hear her voice. I had completely forgotten that she was in the room at all; even Edward's presence was very subtle for me.

Now it was Sheila's time to blush. "_Mom_," she complained, but then turned serious again. "Edward and I have to take you playing racquetball!"

I tore my gaze from Sheila to Edward. "You play racquetball?"

"Sheila taught me," he explained with a weak smile.

"You're actually very good," Sheila told him, and took his hand. Simply the gesture set an incredible pain free inside of me. This time, it wasn't ice-cold arrows. This time, it was as though someone had cut out my heart, sliced it in a million pieces, and then put the small pieces back into my chest again.

To everybody's surprise, Edward quickly, but gently, pulled his hand away from Sheila's grip, and turned to look me into my eyes. "You don't have to," he said softly, and his eyes enchanted me. Who could not want to look into them forever? Green, piercing, penetrating, emerald, eyes. Green would have to be my new favorite color. I would never change that decision.

We spent the next hour in Sheila's living room, mostly talking about her and me. I was longing for the moment when I would sit in Edward's car alone with him, and be able to fantasize about that there was no Sheila Martin in the world. Only Edward Cullen, and Bella Swan. If only Edward and I had been the only persons in the entire world, how easy everything would have been. Then he would have realized that we were _meant _to be together, forever. And that nothing could change that.

It was almost a moment of gigantic relief when Edward said that he had to take me home. I silently thanked him a hundred times in my head as I rose from my seat, and casually strolled out the room, trying to disguise my relief the best I could. This time, I actually thought that I managed.

"You're getting married?" I asked in disbelief as the door closed behind us.

He shot me a perplexed look. "Yes…" he began hesitantly. "What's the problem? Don't you like Sheila?"

I shifted my gaze towards the ground; consciously I didn't answer his question about Sheila. "Don't you think it's a bit too – how am I going to say this? Don't you think it's a bit too fast? How long have you even known her?"

"Five months," he said slowly, gazing up at the sky. Raindrops were still falling heavily to the soaked ground. We were standing under the small ceiling under the porch; it didn't give an entire protection against the rain. My shoes, which had managed to dry a little bit while we had been inside, were now almost completely wet again.

"Do you even know her inside and out? The way you're supposed to know your bride-to-be?" _Do you know her the way you know me?_ I added inside my head.

"I don't know," he mused, frowning.

I looked up. "Don't you think eighteen is a bit early to get engaged?"

"I don't know," he repeated, the same puzzled expression spread across his face. There was a brief silence.

"Then if you don't know, why did you ask her to marry you?"

I had crossed the line, walked in on a dangerous territory, put my nose where it didn't belong, Edward noticed that, and lowered his gaze to meet mine. "What are you trying to say, that I shouldn't get married?" he retorted.

He had caught me off guard, I opened my mouth to reply, but out came no words. My brain was emptied on proper ideas to say back to him.

He eyed me carefully with a hard gaze, the confusion raging in his eyes.

I knew what was going on inside his head. He hadn't expected this. I had erratically spoken out loud, and made a grave mistake, as it turned out. It was wrong, what I had done. Edward was my best friend, and he had expected that I would have supported him, wished him the best of luck and hugged him in a friendly gesture. But little did he know, that my deepest of all wishes had been brutally crushed the minute I had walked over that threshold, and found out that the man of my dreams was marrying the most beautiful girl in Forks.

It all could easily be described with one word – jealousy. Still, I didn't want to blame it on that. I knew myself well, and was aware of that I was a fairly selfish creature. If you paid close attention, you could see that I had been defending myself when I had asked Edward those questions. I wanted him back at my pitch, and not Sheila's. I wanted to win, win Edward. I wanted him to spend the rest of his life with _me_, not with a breathtaking blonde who wrote books and played racquetball in her free time.

Even though what I wanted most in the world was to flung the door behind us open, run inside and beat the crap out of Sheila by pulling out her glistening honey blonde curls and spit in her face (which looked pretty even _without _makeup), I knew that I couldn't do it. As Edward had spoken aloud my thoughts, I realized that it was time to back off. Edward would be hurt if I continued to let my thoughts run freely out of my mouth.

"No…" I said lowly. "No, that's not what I meant."

"Then what do you mean Bella?"

_I mean that I think you should screw Sheila, open your freaking eyes and realize that there's more than one girl who only has eyes for you! _

I didn't respond. He took that as a negative sign.

"Of course," he said to himself and shook his head, and then his eyes met mine again. "You know, for this once I really expected you to understand. I truly hoped that you'd be happy for me, just this once."

It felt as if someone had punched me with full force into my face. The pain was indescribable. _That couldn't be true, couldn't it?_

He continued. "I don't know why I even took you here. I think I always knew that you wouldn't like her, but still I was so stubborn on introducing the two of you. I wanted you to meet her, I wanted you to meet Sheila, and I wanted you to realize who helped me tackle being away from you."

Another blow, this time in my chest.

"Maybe it was stupid, but I thought you'd like her, see her as the lovely person she is…"

My brain was emptied on things to say. Only Edward was ringing in my mind. Common sense told me to answer him, to explain, to tell him that it hadn't been my intention on letting him down. I _wanted _to support him, only I didn't want Sheila involved.

"Edward," I managed to choke out, and he glared angrily at me.

"What is it Bella?" he said in a softer voice.

"I want to go home," I croaked, the water building up behind my eyes. Stupid, callous, tears. I couldn't cry now, not in front of Edward.

He nodded once, and stepped out in the rain.

We didn't run back to the car, as I'd expected. Instead we walked slowly, side by side, the atmosphere as gray and stiff as the cloud of rain over us. I didn't want to be the one to quicken up the pace, so I followed nicely next to him, without uttering a word.

I couldn't bring myself to apologize. In a way, it was so difficult, too difficult. Because I didn't _want _to apologize, I didn't regret saying those things to him. For me, it was the truth, and nothing could change that. If Edward was marrying someone else, I no longer had anything to lose. I was going to fight for him; I was going to risk it all. What was the worst thing that could happen? Of course, I could lose his friendship, one of the things that I valued most in the world. But what did that mean, if I didn't get to tell him every day how much I liked him? How much I thought of him and how much I missed him without having to blush nervously as he creased his forehead, brooding on what I had meant with the words. If I couldn't be together with Edward, then I didn't know what to do. It would be next to impossible to continue being his best friend, when I deep down felt so much more for him.

He drove me home in complete and absolute silence. It surprised me; he was never quiet in his car. Too, he didn't bother as our clothes, damp with water, soaked down the seats. I knew Edward enough to know that his car was one of his most precious belongings. Since I understood that he was secretly begging me to not make his seat more soaked than it was, I sat very still, hoping to make his car as little damage as possible.

I never received a reply from him as he stopped the Volvo violently in front of my house, making the pavement screech in protest under us. I looked pleadingly into his eyes before opening the door.

"Edward –," I started, the disappointment and sadness visible in my eyes. My voice broke as I tried to continue.

"Just go," he breathed, looking straightforward towards the door. To know that I was the one causing him the pain I knew was raging inside of him was more than painful.

Without a word, I obeyed his demand and slammed the door shut behind me, the tears running freely across my cheeks. As I reached the door, they overwhelmed me and started to in a frequent, determined pace. They never came to a stop, and I slowly started to sob. What had I done? The answer was, for me, clear as crystal – I had damaged everything, beyond repair.

**A/N: Sorry for the delay with the update, and sorry I left you hanging. It's just that I've been really busy in school this week, loads of home works plus in Physics and Biology we have this LEGO project, and my team made it to the finals, which means more work… I'll update next weekend, I promise you that!**

**What did you think, please leave a review!**


	7. Plan

**Disclaimer: Do I really need one? Everybody knows I don't own twilight.**

Chapter 7

Plan

"I'm so, so, sorry, Edward. Please forgive me. I was stupid; I swear I didn't mean any of it. It just slipped out. I feel terrible – I _am _terrible. Sheila's great and perfect, just like you said. You're perfect together. Call me when you hear this, okay. Again I'm sorry. Let me know if I can do anything for you. Call me!"

The minute I had flung the door open, I had rushed to the phone, explaining everything into Edward's voicemail, fingering with the bracelet tied around my wrist all the time. It was a soothing gesture, since I'd gotten the bracelet from Edward. It never left my wrist. I would wear it to my grave.

The words had tasted like poison in my mouth. I hadn't meant any of the parts about Sheila. To me, Sheila would always be the bad guy, or in this case, the bad girl. She had stolen Edward from me. It was, and would always remain, inexcusable. At least for me.

As I hang up, I regretted my hasty words. They were the first thoughts that had come up in my head. I had simply just blurted it out. Maybe it wasn't even believable. Maybe it was only my futile attempt of trying to mend everything again. Maybe Edward would see through it. With my usual luck, he probably would.

I sat at the kitchen table and lay my head in my hands. There was a low creak in the wooden floor, and I jumped in my seat, and turned around to see Charlie in the door. Blood rushed to my cheeks as I realized that he might have heard everything I had told Edward. The expression on his face revealed that he most definitely had.

"Hi," he said quietly.

"Hi, Dad," I replied in an expressionless tone. "I didn't know you were home." Was even the cruiser parked outside? I hadn't noticed when I'd come in, maybe because my eyes had been filled with tactless tears.

"How did it go?" he wondered, sitting down in front of me.

_Oh great._

This was not the time for him to cross-examine me, was it? I truly hoped not. The last thing I wanted was to share my love for Edward with him. Right now, all I wanted was to grieve in my room, and brood about what Edward was doing right now.

"You know already, don't you?" I asked tiredly, resting my cheek against the cool kitchen table, letting my arms hang loose down my sides. I was too frustrated and heartbroken to have a conversation with Charlie right now. If there only was someone I could confide about this.

_Alice_, a loud voice whispered from the back of my head. I froze as the thought occurred to me. _Alice_. I had promised to call her, as soon as I had come to Forks. How on earth could I have forgotten about that? Was Edward really and truly the one and _only _thing on my mind?

I groaned, as I thought of how I had let Alice down. Nothing worked today. Simply the thought about how Alice was waiting patiently next to her phone, with the even drumming of her fingers on the table as she waited made me miss her even more than I already did.

At least that was one good thing about Paris. Alice. Without Paris, I had no Alice. And how would I manage to make through this without Alice? My fingertips scratched to dial her number on the phone.

"Is it bad?" Charlie wanted to know, waking me up from my thoughts.

I nodded. "Really bad."

Charlie frowned. He was oblivious to how serious Edward's and my argument was, it was simple to see. It was quite easy to guess what was going on in his head. He was wondered how I could act as if my dog just had died, when there was "only" an argument with Edward. "Friends fought all the time," his usual words rang in my ears. I had heard them so many times from his mouth, on the several occasions where I had been upset with Jacob.

But this was different, so different. Because entire lives had been changed, futures, hopes, dreams. Edward was marrying Sheila. _Sheila Cullen_. The thought made me shudder. It wasn't supposed to be like that. If anything, _I _would be the one to switch last name.

"Feeling like sharing?"

Why did he have to care today? Why couldn't he leave me alone, just like he always did? It was easy. He could do it by simply walking away towards the living room, watching baseball on the flat screen. It would be enough for me, just as long as he left me alone, then everything would be fine.

"I'd rather not," I mumbled. It was true. Charlie simply wasn't the right person to share this with. He was too… old? Was it the word I was searching for? In a way, it was sad. With the age, so many things came to an end. Suddenly, you weren't treated the same anymore. I knew how older people were even sometimes met with annoyance. It was wrong. Maybe it was time for someone to break the wall.

"Are you sure?" Charlie said.

"Edward is getting married," I moaned. "He's engaged." I was on the verge of tears by simply uttering the words.

I looked up from the table to see how Charlie's eyes widened to a shocking size.

"_What_?" he choked. A scarlet color had started to spread across his face. He actually looked quite funny. I would have laughed, if it weren't for the fact that it felt as if my life was falling apart.

"Edward's marrying Sheila," I repeated with a sigh, mostly for myself.

"_What_?"

"I know," I breathed. "It sucks."

"Edward Cullen is getting _married_?" Charlie shouted out in disbelief.

"Yes."

"_Edward_?"

"Yes, Dad," I replied slowly. "Edward is engaged."

Charlie's eyes were still wide as saucers as they flew over the room, not focusing on anything.

"Really?" he said in a quieter voice. "Really?"

"Unfortunately, yes," I replied in an irritated voice.

"At eighteen?"

I nodded.

"Wow," Charlie said. "Gotta be a good girl he's found."

I groaned at his words – they were true. Edward had found his perfect one. We had that in common, except that the one I wanted was promised to someone else.

I banged my forehead into the kitchen table. It hurt, but I didn't care. Everything was futile. If I had been the one to decide, I would have crawled into my warm, soft, bed, wearing nothing but a worn, cozy, t-shirt and a pair of sweats. Unfortunately, faith had chosen that I, instead, was lying with my face against the kitchen table, wearing itching jeans and an ugly shirt with too long arms.

"What's the problem, Bell?" Charlie wondered nervously.

"Nothing."

"Are you jealous?"

_How could he know? _Charlie had never been _that _perceptive before.

"Why would I?"

"Your body language kinda reveals it. Pretty much," he explained.

"Thanks," I muttered.

"Is there something wrong with her?" he wondered.

I sighed. There was nothing wrong with Sheila, literally. If there only was a way to find a darker side of her. A side that even Edward was unaware of. A side that I could show Edward, a side that I could impress him by showing.

"No."

"So it's jealousy, then?"

"I have to make a phone call," I said and dragged myself to a proper sitting position. I wasn't going to humiliate myself further by opening up to Charlie. Who knew whom he might tell about my problems? He had guessed too well already.

"Okay," he said casually, accepting the fact that I had closed my book. Maybe he realized that he was not the person I wanted to tell about Edward's engagement. I shuddered at the thought of that he might come to suspect something about my feelings for Edward, if he already wasn't suspecting the truth…

The thought made me run up the stairs, to my phone. I _had _to call Alice. She needed, she deserved, to know. And at the same time, I longed to open up to someone about my inner collapse. Maybe the fact that Alice should know was only an excuse. The reason behind my urge to call her was maybe that I needed to talk someone who would understand. Still, I didn't care.

My fingers shook as I dialed the French number. I found solace in the fact that Alice soothing voice and bad English was just heartbeats away.

_Soon, Bella, soon… _

I was practically crying as the signals passed.

"_Allô_," the familiar voice rang in my ears. Alice. Sweet Alice. I had missed her so much, life in Forks was so different from what I had gotten used to these six past months. Having a friend, a girlfriend. I had never realized what I had missed out on; all the years when Jacob and Edward were the only persons I shared things with.

What would she say when I told her everything? What would she do? Would she abandon every promise she had given me, or accept the situation, that Edward Cullen was marrying someone else than me.

"Hi, it's Bella," I said, trying to sound cheery. I failed.

"_Bella_!" Her voice lit up remarkably. "_Bella_! Bella, why you 'ave not called earlier? I 'ave missed you so much. Life 'ere is so different wizout you now. Even Jasper is less 'appy wizout you. Will you please come visit soon? I 'ave looked at cheap plane tickets, you could borrow money from me if you want…

"Oh, and Renée asked me to tell you zat you left one of your socks in the kitchen. It was a pink one, wiz pigs, I zink. Call her, I zink she told me zat too. And she is wondering if you know where 'er reading glasses are…

"And _Edward_!" she exclaimed. "Isabella you need to tell me everyzing right now! It did work out, right? What were you wearing? What did 'e say? 'As 'e kissed you yet? What did you do when you met? Was it romantical? Did you run into 'is arms and 'e embraced you passionately? What was _'e _wearing? Anyzing gorgeous? Could you send me a photo? Is 'e taking you to prom?"

All of those things, everything she had said, made me feel smaller than I already was. When she finally quit talking, it felt as if I was a little ant standing in the kitchen. The fact that I could have all of the things she had just said, if it wasn't because of Sheila, made me feel aggressive.

And then, without being able to control myself, I started crying. Alice was an entire ocean away, Edward was marrying Sheila, and Charlie was so close to realizing that my love interest was Edward. Everything had gone from being best, to worst. Nothing would ever be fixed again. I was doomed to live my life in gloom depression.

"Bella?" Alice asked questioningly. Her voice was anxious. "Bella?" she repeated. "Bella? Bella what is wrong? 'As anyone 'urt you? Are you 'aving a headache? Did you trip? 'As anyone died? _Edward _'asn't died, 'as 'e?" she demanded. She was even more anxious now, the panic was menacing in her voice.

"No one's d-died," I said between my sobs and hiccupped loudly. "I'm n-not hurt." _At least not on the outside. _

"Zen what is wrong?" she asked softly.

_Everything. _

"E-Edward," I said. It was all I managed to choke out between my hiccups and sobs. "E-E-Edward."

There was a hint of suspicion now in Alice's voice. "What is it, Bella? What is wrong wiz Edward?"

"E-E-Ed-d-wa-ard." I paused, not managing to tell her anything else; the tears were still streaming down my face. "A-Alice, E-Edward is…"

"BELLA WHAT IS WRONG?" she yelled impatiently.

Her reaction stunned me, and I instantly stopped sobbing. Had little Alice really that much voice inside of her? Impressive…

"Edward's marrying Sheila," I breathed.

Alice gasped so loud I thought her head would explode. "What?"

"Edward's marrying Sheila," I repeated, a little louder this time.

"Oh, Bella!" Alice said. "Oh Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella! Bella, tell me everyzing?"

"He's engaged."

"To?"

"Sheila Martin."

"Since?"

"Five months ago."

"When is the wedding?"

"I don't know. They haven't moved in together yet…" I shrugged at the thought. Edward and Sheila was going to move in together… live under the same roof.

"When did 'e propose? 'Ow long 'ave zey known each ozer?"

"I don't know," I sighed, the trace of sobs was still there in my voice. "It really doesn't matter."

"Zat was ze silliest zing I 'ave ever 'eard you say, Bella," Alice explained. "Now is ze perfect time to fight back! You 'ave nothing to lose anymore!"

The last sentence was more than true. Everything was lost already.

"You 'ave to make 'im jealous. _Comme folie_."

"I don't speak French," I complained.

"You 'ave to make 'im jealous," she repeated with exaggerated legibleness.

I snorted. "Yeah, right, as if it would work at all. I can't make _Edward _jealous. He's got the best girlfriend in the entire world. You should've seen her Al. She's even more perfect than you. Honey blonde curls, glistening teeth, kind eyes, a good head on her shoulders… Do you know that she's actually writing a book? As in a _book_? And she's second best in Washington on racquetball…"

"What is racquetball?"

"Never mind," I grunted. "The thing is that it's impossible to beat her in anything. She'll probably grow up to be the new Hillary Clinton or something like that. Or she'll fight for justice, Rosa Parks or something. Or she'll be this fashionista and marry a rich…" I paused. "She's marrying Edward," I breathed. A small tear ran down my cheek, it burned on its way down. "Sheila's marrying Edward," I repeated numbly.

"Zere is still 'ope," Alice said, trying to make me feel better. "You only 'ave to make 'im jealous. It will work like a charm, I promise!"

I laughed quietly under the bed of tears that was now covering my face. "You're the best, Alice."

"Zat 'as nozing to do wiz zis," she protested. "Stop your crying and get to work! Work on a plan! What is ze best way to make 'im jealous?"

"He won't be jealous, Alice," I said with a loud sob. "It's so obvious that he'll never ask for anything else than her."

There was a long pause on the other line. _Ha! She's realized that _I _am right. There's so no way around this…_

Her answer surprised me.

"You should get a boyfriend."

I choked on the tears, not understanding what she had said. She must have said something wrong, something she didn't mean. A boyfriend? Alice was insane. There was only one boy I wanted more than anybody else, and that very boy was engaged to the new beauty queen.

"Excuse me but what is that supposed to mean?" I demanded. "Edward's _engaged_ remember?"

I heard a sigh on the other hands, and imagined in front of me how Alice would roll her eyes. "Bella, listen to me. You 'ave to get a boyfriend, so you can make Edward jealous."

A snort escaped through my lips. "Yeah, right. Why would he be jealous? He's got the best girlfriend in the world."

"I know zese zings Bella," Alice insisted. "I know 'ow it works. And trust me, Edward 'as feelings for you. You are the only one who does not see it."

"How would you know that? You haven't even met him."

"I 'ave gotten a very detailed description of 'im and 'is every day life when you lived in Paris…" Alice said slowly. Her words made me blush wildly, and I was grateful that I was alone.

"You listened to that?" I complained.

She sighed. "Did I 'ave a choice?" There was a pause. "Anyway, zink about a possible boyfriend now. You need to get one, it's ze only way!"

"Who would want to date me? I'm a wreck," I said, staring down at me feet. It was true. Everything was less fun, now that Edward was caught up in playing racquetball with Sheila. I bet she made jewelry in her spare time, and she probably sold the jewelry too. To the president's wife, all famous pop stars, actresses, novelists… "Plus, I don't know how to make jewelry."

"_Mais, Bella! Ca c'est facile comme bonjour!_"

"What?"

"Making jewelry! Zat is so easy. Why are you even worrying about zat?"

"Because Edward likes girls who can make jewelry." Maybe I had no proof whatsoever of that, but I felt that Edward liked everything about Sheila. It made no sense for him to want to marry her if he didn't. On the other hand, I didn't know if Sheila made jewelry at all…

"Let us focus about ze boyfriend instead, okay?" Alice distracted me. I shrugged. Nothing mattered anymore.

"Who would want to be with me?"

"Everybody!"

I snorted. "Fat chance."

"'Onestly now, Bella," Alice pressed. "Anyone. Just temporary."

"This isn't going to work!" I groaned. "Edward's lost, together with everything. Why do I have to fight for him with a boyfriend?" Jealousy wasn't that simple. Too, I didn't think that Edward would actually _be _jealous if I introduced him to a boyfriend of mine. It was more likely that he would suffocate laughter.

"Just zink about it, Bella. Give it a zought. I need to go now, but I will call you as soon as I can," she explained.

"What? No!" I objected anxiously. "No, Alice! Don't go! Please, please, don't go. Don't leave me; you're the only one I can talk to right now."

She laughed; it was music for my ears. "Zink about ze boyfriend plan, so we can discuss it when I call you again."

"No! Don't go, Alice, don't!"

Alice sighed. "I 'ave to. Jasper says 'e 'as got a surprise for me!"

I sighed. "Tell me what it is afterwards."

"_Biensûr_."

"Ha! I know what that means!" I impressed her with.

"Good for you," Alice said playfully. "Listen, I really 'ave to go now. I will call you soon."

"I miss you, Alice…" I admitted, fingering with my bracelet.

"I miss you, too. Bye, Bella!"

"Bye, Alice," I whispered after she had hung up. Her words echoed inside my head. _You should get a boyfriend… _

I caught small part of me, deep, deep, down, thinking that the idea might not be so bad after all. It would be the perfect way to find out if Edward liked me. The odds were against me, but if there was any possibility that Edward might have feelings for me too, then this was the perfect way to find out. Because what else would be better than making him crazy of jealousy?

The only problem was that I would have to find a boyfriend. A boyfriend who's name _wasn't _Edward Cullen, the only boyfriend I would ever want. It involved pretending to like someone you didn't – acting. An area to which I was extremely inexperienced, I didn't even know how to lie to Charlie.

I steered my steps to the bed, and brooded over the advantages to this idea. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. If I had nothing to loose, then why not try everything? Or at least as much as possible, any idea that might work.

If I only could draw out the protective side of Edward, then maybe that would be the key to everything. Only then would he realize that the girl of his dreams was the one who had been right in front of his eyes all the time.

**A/N: Sorry it was a lot of conversation in this chapter, but it was necessary. I wrote it pretty quickly, because I wanted to be thorough editing it. I've noticed that I don't edit good enough, sorry!**

**Please, please, please review!**


	8. How Will I Survive?

**Disclaimer: Do I really need one? Everybody knows I don't own twilight. **

Chapter 8

How will I survive, knowing he's going to spend his life with someone else?

Sunbeams were actually beating down on the ground as my eyes opened the following morning. I blinked, astonished, a few times after I had rolled my curtain up to see if I wasn't hallucinating. I wasn't.

With only a few lonely clouds flying distantly from side to side, the sky looked beautiful. It had been a long time since the sun had been shining in Forks.

Determined to catch some Vitamin D, something I usually was able to in Paris, I walked to school. Exercise was never wrong. The truck looked forgotten as I passed it, and I fought the impulse of opening the door.

Even though it wasn't that far, I regretted my decision halfway. That was when the sweat started pumping, and soaked my shirt. This March was warm, and my jacket even warmer.

When I took the first step onto the school's properties, I was positive that it would take a lot to make me want to walk to school again. Exhausted, I walked across the lot with two words ringing in my ears. _Never again, never again, never again… _

It turned out that I had a new schedule than the one I had had last semester. Biology was the first lesson, and I prayed to God Edward wouldn't be in that class. I didn't know if he hadn't gotten my message to his voicemail, and I didn't want to ask him if he had gotten it.

To my relief, Edward wasn't sitting in the classroom as I entered. Mr Banner greeted me happily when I came. In a strange way, he had always liked me as I student. Maybe thanks to the fact that Biology was the one subject that I found easy.

"You can sit next to Mr Newton," Mr Banner offered, and I nicely took a seat to the boy that I liked the least in this school.

There was nothing wrong with Mike – not at all – he simply wasn't my type. He was _always_ happy and cheery, which sometimes bothered me. It was something in the way that there was always a smile etched upon his face that silenced me.

I had never gotten to know him pretty well, but I knew that he liked me. On several occasions, he had asked me out.

"Hi, Bella," he exclaimed, surprised. Several other familiar gazes were brought to us by his exclamation, and I blushed. Angela and Ben weren't in this class, my only other friends in this school, apart from Edward. "How was Paris?"

"Good," I said with a nod.

"I've missed you…" he admitted, and I immediately blushed. I was aware of Mike's feelings for me, but it embarrassed me. At the same time, I couldn't help but to feel a little mean, since I would never ever think of him the way he thought of me.

I didn't answer.

"A lot," he added hopefully. Where did he want to come with his statements?

My eyes widened noticeable as I saw the possibilities. How could I have been so blind? Mike had, obviously, always been begging to go on a date with me, but I had always denied his offers politely. It struck me as so odd that I hadn't thought of Mike earlier. When I had spoken to Alice.

Mike was the key to my problems. _If _Edward thought of me as anyone else than his best friend. _If_ there was a possibility, then Mike was the key. I knew how Edward would react _if _he liked me. He would be jealous. Almost as jealous as I was of Sheila, because it was impossible for anyone to be more jealous than I was at the moment. It simply couldn't be possible.

I knew that if I started to date Mike, our relationship would affect Edward mentally if those two kisses had meant anything. But what if they hadn't?

"Er, Mike," I started hesitantly, trying very hard not to blush. Was this really happening? Was I asking _Mike Newton _out? The boy that was on the bottom of my list of persons I'd like to date.

He turned to meet my gaze. His blue eyes sparkled with hope. So seldom, barely ever, was _I _the one to start a conversation.

"Yeah," he said, the surprise a fact in his voice.

"Listen," I began. I was embarrassed, and brought myself together by taking a deep breath. It helped. "Are you free this Friday?" I managed to say, biting down hard on my lip afterwards.

_See, not that bad! _

But it turned out to be. Bad. Really bad.

Mike's eyes lit up, and then widened. A huge smile immediately spread across his face, revealing big dimples in his cheeks.

"_What_?" he asked, astonished. His reaction made me want to cry out in irriation.

_Will you just tell me if you're free or not? This is embarrassing enough you know!_

He didn't listen to my inner pleas.

"Are you free? On Friday?" I repeated, focusing on not sounding rude.

He blinked a few times before answering. Again, his answer disappointed me. "_What_?"

I sighed. "Don't make me say it again."

"Are you asking me _out_?"

"It looks like it," I said nonchalantly, trying to sound indifferent. I struggled with it. Inside, two forces were ripping each other to pieces. One that objected wildly to the fact that I was asking a person who wasn't Edward out. And another, who tried to silence the first one, attempting to explain that this was the only way to _ever _get Edward.

I regretted my decision a little now, since I hadn't realized what was going to occur inside of me. Neither had I counted with the fact that Mike would react as if someone had just told him he'd won the lottery. I shrugged at the thought; I was anything but a prize.

"Yes," he said quickly. "What do you want to do? A movie?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "Sure."

He smiled. "Great, what time should I pick you up?" He wasn't even trying to hide the excitement in his voice – it bothered me.

"Seven?"

"Seven's great," he said, and Mr Banner interrupted us by starting the class. I sighed in relief.

Angela's hair had grown out a lot since I'd seen her last, and Ben hadn't grown much at all, I found out at lunch. It was lovely to see them again, and we spoke without a single pause during lunch. Edward was sitting quiet next to me, and I did my best to ignore him, bearing yesterday's events in my head.

"I didn't see your truck in the lot…" he said all of a sudden. How could he be so observant? I would never want anyone but him – I knew it. There was nothing that I didn't love about him. He was everything.

"I walked," I replied, fingering with my fork.

"Do you need a ride home?" Edward offered, and my heart started pounding extra fast. _He was so kind. _

"I can walk," I said shyly, gazing down at my food.

"I'll drive you," he said in a determined voice.

"Thanks."

He walked wordlessly with me to his car after school, and I sat down on the cozy seats. They smelled familiar – they smelled clean, and they smelled like Edward did. I shrugged at the thought that Sheila had obviously sat on the same spot as I was right now. A strange kind of nausea spread from my stomach as I thought of her, in Edward's arms, their entwined hands… My eyes watered at the thought, and I quickly wiped them away, hoping Edward hadn't noticed.

The drive home was quiet, but I still dreaded the moment where he would stop in front of my house. When he did, I sighed quietly to myself.

"Can I come in?" he wondered slowly, surprising me.

"Of course," I said quickly, hiding my eagerness.

I tried hard not to dance towards the door. _Edward had wanted to come in! _As I thought about it, a warm sensation spread from my head to toes. I shot one quick glimpse into his emerald eyes, and felt my pulse quicken in my chest.

I fumbled with the keys in my hand, and managed to unlock the door with a rather difficulty.

"I got your message," he said as I stripped of my jacket. I was too shy to answer. "I'm sorry," he continued. "About yesterday… I shouldn't… I shouldn't have acted like that. It was stupid."

His kind words made me swallow loudly. He was far too perfect for me. It was so obvious that he only deserved girls like Sheila. Perfect, beautiful, smart girls. I wasn't one of them, and I hated it.

"Can we go to the kitchen?" he wondered, and I nodded in response. He sat down on a kitchen chair, while I stood up, fidgeting with my bracelet.

"I'm sorry for this beforehand – I just need to know. Why," I paused. "Why did you get engaged so fast? I mean, five months? Isn't that – I don't know – pretty fast?"

He sighed and looked away. A brief silence hovered over us like a cloud of rain in a cartoon, stubbornly following its victim. He squeezed his eyes shut a moment before answering. I didn't like the troubled look that flickered across his gorgeous face.

"I don't know," he breathed, and then he met my eyes again. "It all happened so quickly, we were suddenly… together." I gulped at the thought. "And then… I guess it just happened." He paused. "I didn't exactly handle it very well when you were gone."

My heart skipped a beat. _What was that supposed to mean? Had he missed me? Had he wanted to be with me? Had he? _The thoughts made my pulse thud erratically in my ears, and I could feel the blood rushing to my face. Had it been exactly the same for him as it had been for me – the constant feeling of an emptiness so deep there was nothing you could do about it? I wanted answers – I _needed _answers. Now.

If, _if_, he had missed me as much as I had missed him, then what would change? Would it affect anything at all? Maybe, it would overwhelm me with an unexpected boldness, which would make me brave enough to admit my feelings for him. But if I did, would _that_ change anything at all? Would he come rushing into my arms, or would he stand quiet and awkward, wishing I had never spoken out loud?

Yesterday's phone call with Alice was suddenly ringing in my ears, and I thought about her plan. Would it be that easy to get a boyfriend, just like that? Was it really that simple? Alice made it sound as if there was nothing easier…

I resisted bombarding him with questions, and stubbornly bit down on my lip, making wonderings impossible to come out. Nothing good would come from pressing him. I needed to take it easy, one question at a time.

"Then why didn't you come to visit?" I demanded.

He slowly squirmed in his seat. I determinedly leaned against the kitchen counter, and tried to see his expression under the thick curtain of reddish brown hair that was covering his eyes.

"I don't really know," he said and looked up. "Everything is so difficult right now. With Sheila, with you, with everything… I met her just after you left and… and I didn't want her to suspect something if I went to visit you…"

_What a lame, pathetic, excuse,_ a voice echoed inside my head. The other part of my brain objected wildly. There couldn't be anything bad about Edward at all. After all, I was perfectly aware of that Edward didn't think of me in any other way than his friend. He saw me as his friend Bella, his friend that he had recently introduced his bride-to-be to.

Of course he hadn't wanted Sheila to suspect anything. What would she have thought if Edward went away to visit his "friend" in Paris? Nothing good. Sheila would have realized that her chances of getting Edward were as high as a needle put in breadth. Edward had, obviously, been interested in Sheila directly. He hadn't had a single thought of me, and my pathetic excuse of a life in Paris. Of course he hadn't.

_Wishful thinking…_

During the months I had spent in France I had never stopped hoping that Edward might think of me as anything else than his best friend. Even though I'd covered those thoughts over with objections and arguments about all the things that proved the opposite, I had deep down secretly dreamed of a life with him. Not a life as his best friend, no, a life as his girlfriend.

Stubbornly, I had imagined that it would all work out. Maybe not directly, and maybe not instantly, but with time. Because had hadn't those two kisses meant anything for him? They had meant everything to me. They epitomized everything I had ever dreamt of.

It was natural to show the outside the opposite. Insecurities, hesitation – the natural reactions of a human body. Though furthest away in my mind, there existed a world where Edward and I lived together. A world I would so often drift to, where I found solace.

And as I came back to Forks – to find the _real _Edward, and not the boy in my dreams – I had realized that life wasn't a dream. Very seldom, wishes did come true.

Maybe it wasn't worth fighting for him. Maybe too much was lost already. Still, I didn't care. Determination was itching in my head like a mosquito bite. I wouldn't give up – I would persevere. If it would do me any good, I wasn't aware of. My reputation might have to suffer, but a small part of me came to the conclusion that it probably would be worth.

"Of course, I understand," I muttered lowly, fidgeting with the hem of my shirt.

An embarrassing silence hovered over the room. I was too shy and weak to break it.

"I wish you wouldn't understand," he said lowly.

I frowned. "What's that supposed to mean?"

He looked up. "I wish you would be less… understanding. I wish I needed to explain everything…"

His words confused me to a point where I didn't know what to answer. What was his purpose with the words? As always, I analyzed his words so thoroughly that I thought my brain was going to explode.

"Now I don't understand…" I said slowly. When he didn't answer, I slowly walked to sit next to him. "I hate fighting with you," I admitted. "Can't we be friends?" _More than friends? _

"There is no fight," Edward explained. "I messed up, and I'm sorry."

"I thought I was the one who messed up. Telling you all those things yesterday…" You would have thought that I regretted banging some sense into his head, thanks to his reaction, but I didn't.

"No," Edward objected. "You were the one to put everything into place. I overreacted, you were right. You reacted just the way you should have done. It's not strange you find it confusing…"

"So you guys really _are_ getting married?" I asked, trying to sound indifferent, even though my insides were burning with indescribable pain. I recognized it as jealousy. "Is it settled?"

"It was settled the moment I asked her," he answered.

To hear it from him, like that, was brutal. My self-control was driven to its edge. If only there hadn't been any boundaries, any rules. If there only had been Edward and I. If only I had been able to start sobbing in that moment. If only Edward would have understood, and consoled me.

My lower lip suffered worst from my inner depression. I bit down so hard on it, that I soon could sense the rusty taste I despised in my mouth. It was as though my lip jaw had been locked in the position it was, I couldn't stop chewing on it.

In a way, it felt nice to focus on another pain than the breathtaking one that nowadays was always in my chest for a moment. To be able to focus on something else for a short while was soothing. The pain in my chest didn't disappear entirely, but it was less prominent. I appreciated that, that there was a simple way out.

"You knew that, right?" Edward wanted to know.

I didn't like the edge of our conversation. It was so… different. As if we weren't best friends… As if we were something else, something less important. Strangers. Acquaintances.

"I guess," I shrugged my shoulders. "Good luck," I said without enthusiasm.

"Sheila wants you to play racquetball with us this Friday," Edward said suddenly, ignoring the words I hadn't really meant.

"Oh," I answered, just after realizing how great the timing was.

_Perfect, this is a golden opportunity to brag about your date with Mike… _

_Bragging _might not have been the ideal word to describe it all with. I was sure Edward would be mildly impressed with my choice of date, but if there were any possible chance, a tiny, tiny, chance, that he might like me, then it would show now. When he found out about that Mike and I was dating.

Maybe we _wasn't _exactly dating right _now_, since I had never been out with Mike (and hadn't planned to since yesterday) before, but I was sure Mike would want to meet me more than once.

_Where did all the self-confidence come from?_ a voice inside my head demanded, and I didn't know the answer.

"You don't have to come if you don't want to," Edward said quietly, obviously being troubled with the subject. "It's up to you."

Racquetball… Bella+Racquet… Didn't he realize what it meant?

"Have you forgotten I'm the worst person in the world on sports?" I asked, frowning, not revealing the big new of Mike and my date just yet.

"No," he said simply. "That's why I told her you most definitely wouldn't come. Though she insists she'll be able to teach you… Frankly, I doubt it," he said, a smirk covering his face. His expression made everything in my brain disappear for a second, and I suddenly forget everything. Who I was, why I was here, and what I was going to do. Edward dazzled me.

He noticed my sudden silence.

"Bella?" He frowned.

"I-I'm busy this Friday," I stuttered, not fully having recovered from my sudden blindness.

"Oh," he said. His voice revealed that it wasn't the answer he had expected. "May I ask what you're going to do?" he wondered.

I could feel the smug smile dawn across my face – it was impossible to hide it.

"I'm going on a date with Mike Newton," I announced proudly. The look on his face was priceless, but not one that I had hoped would adorn his face.

"_Mike Newton_?" He suffocated a laugh. "You're going out with _Mike_?"

I blushed violently. "Y-yes," I murmured. The plan hadn't worked at all as I had thought.

"So what, you're doing it out of pity? He's been drooling all over you for years."

I put on a mask of confidence, and pretended as if the reason for asking Mike out had been because I was interested in him. "_No_, I _like _Mike."

He snorted. "Yeah, right." And for the briefest of a second, I thought I saw an entirely different emotion across his face. But then, as quickly as it had appeared, it was gone, and the same laughing mask was on his face again.

"No, it's true," I protested, without sounding as convincing as I had hoped.

"I truly hope it's not," he chuckled, and I glared at him.

"It's _not _funny."

He snorted again. "That's not true." He smiled, and I let it go.

He helped me with the Calculus homework before he left, and I enjoyed every second of alone time with him.

"Come back soon," I said as he announced his leaving. It was the only thing I had said during our conversation that I had actually meant. My chest hurt incredibly as I thought of that he would soon leave. When he left, everything would be without matter.

"I will," he promised.

I followed him to the door, and simply looked at him as he put on his jacket. Sheila was so lucky to have him. He was everything. I fought the urge of not taking his hand and squeezing it.

He hesitated in the doorway. I waited patiently for him to say something.

"Bye, Bella," he said, his voice just over a whisper. And then, he did something that surprised me as much as it pleased me. He hesitantly reached out, to stroke the back of my hand for just a second, before pulling it away again. Bewildered, I looked at his graceful form as he closed the door after him. It would be worth dating Mike, if it meant Edward would be mine some day.

**A/N: Ooh! What did you think? After seeing New Moon, I truly think Mike is so funny, and weird. NEW MOON WAS AMAZING!!! Loved it, can't wait to see it again!**

**Sorry that this is very badly written, but I just scribbled something, in my haste of wanting to update… At least it's long!**

**Please review!!! It encourages me to write faster!**


	9. Jacob understands… at least a little

**Disclaimer: Do I really need one? Everybody knows I don't own twilight.**

Chapter 9

Jacob understands… at least a little

After Edward's departure, it felt as if everything lost its point. In a way, I was broken without him – he was my glue. Every time he would leave, I would fall into pieces again. There was no other way to explain it.

On the surface of my consciousness, I despised being dependent on him. I did everything but like the fact that he was the key to my happiness, that he had the power to control my joy. Even though I knew Edward would _never _abuse that power, it was so unpleasant to know that very little could make me happy but him. Was it really supposed to be like that? Was that really what love was all about, the power to control? I refused to believe it.

But as I went deeper into my mind, there was a part of me that _enjoyed _knowing that Edward was my solution to every problem. Maybe because of the effect he had on me. It was simply impossible to not start hyperventilating when he would show me that crooked grin. I was on cloud nine before I had time to blink.

There were just so many things, too many things, about him that pulled me towards him. It struck me as odd to why girls never turned around to admire him more often, it never occurred. At least not when I had been with him. I shrugged at the thought of how so many girls most definitely had been drooling over him when I had left.

Was I the boundary for him? A burden? A false girlfriend, who stopped other from looking at him? Was I the reason to why girls never shot as much as a look after him? They thought _I _was with him. The thought made me blush. Others might think of me as Edward's _girlfriend_. Simply the word made me go warm, so much warmer than usual.

But the warmth was instantly replaced by cold. _If _people believed Edward and I were more than friends, they wouldn't think so much longer. They probably already knew – if they'd been paying attention. If they had seen Edward spending time with Sheila, with a ring around her finger, and no sparkly diamond curled around my third.

And then it hit me. Did she have a ring? At all? The thought had never occurred to me before. How come I hadn't thought of it yesterday? _A ring_. Hadn't that always been itching inside my head? _A ring_. You kept a ring around your finger if you were engaged.

I wondered how it looked like. Unwillingly, I pictured it as beautiful, beautiful and breathtaking. Just a ring that would make others deadly jealous. It wouldn't even surprise me if it turned out women had killed for a ring like the one Sheila most definitely wore.

It made me impatient, to know that I had _missed _noticing a ring around Sheila's finger. The fact that Edward had bought Sheila a ring, more expensive and more beautiful than my bracelet, made me shudder. I needed to think of something else, I needed to get the pictures of Edward down on one knee in front of Sheila out of my head.

The clock in the kitchen showed five. The sight of it planted an idea inside my head. I quickly reached for the phone, dialing a number I knew even better than Edward's.

"Hello," Jacob's husky voice answered. A huge wave of relief rushed over me after having heard his greeting. Everything suddenly felt a lot better. Jacob had to be the one exception to Edward's influence over me. _He _could also make me feel better. In an entirely different way of course, but he had the ability. It made me feel even happier. Now that Edward was going to marry Sheila it was nice to know that Jacob would still be there for me, even though I'd most definitely be a wreck after their wedding.

"Hi, Jake, it's Bella," I said, trying to sound as cheery as I knew he would do. Jacob was like a sun, or a shining star in the sky. In a deep ocean of indigo, he was the light.

"Hi!" he exclaimed happily. "How was your first day in school?" he wondered.

I fingered with my bracelet as I thought of what to tell him. "Bad."

"Nah, couldn't be that bad, seeing your friends again."

I rolled my eyes, if he only knew what I had gone through today. Mike's eagerness when I had asked him out and Edward's silence were still bothering me. Maybe Mike was looking forward to this Friday, but something that was set in stone was that I _wasn't_. It was clear as crystal that our date would be my own personal hell. The thought of an entire evening with Mike's eager voice made me want to throw up.

Though I was willing to live through an evening at the movies with Mike, if it meant that Edward would be jealous. A pleasant feeling raced down my spine as I though of him.

"It was."

He laughed. "If you say so, I believe you."

"Hey, I was wondering if I could come over," I told him. "I sorta need to tell you something…" Would he react as surprised as Charlie had to Edward's engagement? Hearing his voice made the urge of telling him even bigger. I knew that he would understand.

The reason for why I wasn't telling him over the phone was mostly to the fact that I needed to be cheered up. La Push almost always made me feel better. And did I really need an excuse for why I wanted to see Jacob? Simply the thought of the two of us hanging out in his garage made me feel better.

"You're free to come whenever you want." His voice didn't show any indication of that he was curious of what I was going to tell him. I envied that. Personally, surprises were something I despised. The fact that Jacob could handle an entire conversation without pleading to know what I was going to tell him was admirable. At least for me.

Jacob was so cool; I wasn't ashamed of thinking that.

"Great!" I exclaimed. "And it's cool with Billy, too?"

"Sure, sure," he said mindlessly, and I imagined him waving his hand carelessly in the air. "You know Dad's always eager to see you Bells."

I smiled lightly. "Cool, I'll be over in twenty minutes."

"I'll be counting the seconds… y'know, to see if you can break my record."

I snorted, but not seriously. "You keep counting, Jake, not that I think it'll speed up my driving.

"You know that you'll subconsciously take the truck's speed to an edge, only for me," he said, and I could almost hear him grin.

"We'll see about that," I said challengingly, and hang up before he had time to say anything else.

The phone call had made me feel much, much, better. It felt as if I had almost forgotten my awful plans with Mike. Mike… Mike-Schmike.

Even though I'd convinced Jacob I wouldn't, I actually pressed down extra hard on the gas pedal while driving, excited to see him. The truck grunted in disagree, but I ignored it. Maybe it was best to just drive what was left of it to its edge. After all, how many more days would it survive constantly being driven to school back and forth?

I saw Jake's running form as I pulled up in front of his and Billy's small house. A wide grin was etched upon his face. It made me smile to.

Jacob was like a sun, constantly shining, spreading joy to everyone whom he met. On several occasions, he was even _better _than a sun. The sun could burn you, Jake couldn't. There was nothing wrong about him – he was perfect. Not as perfect as Edward, of course, but still perfect.

The sun had shone the entire day, and it still did. The beams made Jake's russet skin shine in the light, and his long black hair was almost glossy.

"Bella!" he said, wrapping his arms around me in a tight hug.

"Hi, Jake," I replied. "Wooha, big boy. How tall _are_ you?" I demanded as I pulled away from his arms, noticing his surprisingly tall figure.

"Six four," he announced proudly.

I whistled in impressed amazement.

"Didn't you notice two days ago?"

I blushed. The day before yesterday, I had been so dazzled by Edward's return that Jacob had fallen into the shadows. Not that I was going to admit it to him.

"As you now notice, Paris has made me extremely inobservant," I admitted. Because it was obviously true. How come I hadn't even _thought _of that Sheila would wear a ring?

"Psh," he disagreed. "I bet it's not Paris."

I blushed again.

"And hey, you know what?! You drove here in only 798 seconds! Dude, that's a new record!"

"I thought your record was 764."

He smiled. "Of course you can't beat me. It's a new record for _you_."

"Is that supposed to make me happy? The fact that you will always drive to my place faster than me?"

"Yes," he explained.

"At least I drive _legally_," I said, curling my lips around the last word, dragging out the syllables.

It immediately made him back off. "Hey!" he said worriedly. "Don't blame it on _that_! That's cheating!"

Jacob was two and a half years younger than me, something that didn't really bother me. It didn't really cross my mind too often either, since he was physically at least 18. _I _actually felt younger than _him _sometimes.

"Calm down, Jacob Black. It's not like I'm going to tell anyone."

Even though I knew that he knew I'd never tell anyone, the worry that had been spread across his face disappeared.

"Thanks, Bella Swan." He smiled. "Not that I'd think you'd ever tell anyone."

"Du-uh, of course I wouldn't."

He smiled again. Wider this time, revealing small indications of dimples in his cheeks. It was sweet. Even though his body gave an impression of a freakishly strong soon-to-be sixteen year-old, his face brought forward some of the childhood inside of him.

"Whatcha wanna do? You wanted to talk to me, right?"

"Not only," I protested. "If you want I can cook dinner… We can invite Charlie over. I bet he'll be pleased."

"This is _my _home y'know," Jake explained. "_I _cook the dinner 'round here."

"Well at least let me help," I offered. "You know I'm kind of an expert in the kitchen."

"Then we're two," Jake said with a grin.

I sighed and punched his shoulders. "Let me do it. We can talk at the same time."

"We'll do it together," he decided, and happily strolled up to the small house where he and Billy lived.

I mindlessly fingered with my bracelet again, something that Jacob, observant as he was, noticed.

"Hey, is that new?" he wondered as his gaze wandered over to my hand. I was fidgeting nervously with the silver bracelet Edward had gotten me, as always.

"Got it from Edward," I explained.

"Don't you think it'll break if you finger with it all the time?" he thought out loud. I instantly dropped the grip I had around the bracelet. "Hah! I'm always right!" he bragged.

"Stop it," I muttered, being content with watching the bracelet now.

There was a reason to why I constantly fingered with it. Of course, I did it when I was nervous, but also out of something else.

The bracelet made me feel liked, maybe loved even. It was like a confirmation for me. No matter how sucky everything seemed, I knew that Edward had wanted me to be happy enough to buy me a bracelet. I knew that I was constantly reminding him of that it was what you _did _that counted, but the thought behind this bracelet meant so much to me that it couldn't be ignored. If I hadn't brought the bracelet to Paris, I didn't know what I would have done. It was the only part I had carried with me, that had come from him.

It could be compared to a handwritten note from him. A note where it said that whatever I did, he would be there. When I wore the bracelet – which I always did – I carried a part of Edward with me. At least it _felt _as if I was, and that was what mattered for me.

I cringed at the thought of how much Sheila's ring had to mean for her. How my feelings would probably seem minimal next to her. Still, I refused to believe that Edward meant more to her than he meant to me. It was impossible. Edward would always be the only one.

Jake chuckled lowly. "With what?"

"Being Jacob," I muttered.

"That will be extremely difficult."

"Yup," I agreed, as we entered his house.

Billy was in the living room, and was as surprised as happy to see me. There was something sympathetic in his eyes that made me realize from who Jacob had inherited his perceptiveness from. Did Billy really notice my inner struggles? I was aware of how Renée called me her open book, but found it embarrassing and strange that others could read me so easily. It struck me as odd, and I didn't like the fact that I was so bad at hiding my emotions. I needed to try harder.

Charlie came over shortly after my arrival, and together he and Billy watched baseball while Jacob and I cooked. We were alone in the small kitchen, which was good. I didn't want to risk being overheard.

Together we cooked a decent meal with Jake and Billy's leftovers in the fridge, while laughing and giggling at each other. I actually forgot entirely about Edward for a few precious minutes. Jacob was like my medicine against a disease Edward constantly passed on to me (not that I minded it).

I realized what a coward I was as we stood there, slicing cucumber and tomatoes for the salad. Every time I would bring myself together, and prepare myself to tell him, I would chicken out. What was I worrying about? This was _Jacob_. He was one of my best friends – I could tell him _everything_.

When he smiled soothingly against me, I decided there was no time to waste.

"Talking about nothing…" I began hesitantly, staring down at the moving knife in my hand. "Edward is…" Gee, I didn't have the guts to say it at all.

"Edward is…" Jacob helped me with, gesturing for me to fill out the gap.

"Engaged," I tried to say in a casual voice, but my voice cracked on the last syllable. I quickly brought myself to pieces though, not wanting to reveal anything to Jacob.

His knife stopped cutting into the cucumber, and his gaze lifted to look at my face. "_What_?" He didn't even try to hide the surprise in his voice. "Edward's _engaged_?"

I nodded, fighting the tears in my eyes, and continued to slice the tomatoes. How could simply telling him affect me so much? It disturbed me.

"You mean Edward Cullen, right?" Jake wanted to know. His voice revealed that he had difficulties realizing what I had just told him.

I sighed. "Yes, Edward Cullen is engaged." I truly hoped Jacob didn't notice how much pain it caused me to utter the words.

"Wow," Jacob said. "You guys are gonna be so happy together. You actually do make a great couple, now that I think about it. Wow. I didn't know you were even dating, why didn't you tell me?" He started cutting the cucumber again, not seeing how I froze in my place.

Did Jacob think _I _was engaged to Edward? Did he think we were a couple? For real? Was that what was going on inside his head? Did he think Edward and I were dating? That _we_ were the ones getting married?

One part of me was in flames, flames of agony. The thought of that Edward and I could have been engaged if I hadn't gone to Paris was raging inside of me, tearing me apart. A big black hole formed just over my heart, making it hard to breath. _Edward_, I missed him so much, and the thought of that he might be with Sheila right now made me suicidal.

The other one was actually flattered, and if my face hadn't been drained from blood I most definitely would have blushed. Edward engaged to Bella. Bella engaged to Edward. Bella Cullen. Mrs Cullen. Mr and Mrs Cullen. Bella and Edward Cullen. Shivers of pleasantry ran down my spine at the thought. A life with Edward.

Suddenly Jacob seemed to notice that I had stiffened, and gently pushed my side with his elbow. "What's up, Bells?"

"We're not engaged," I said lowly, continuing with cutting.

"Oh," Jacob answered, surprised, and I swore I could see some color redden his face. "I-I thought…"

"I know what you thought. But Edward's engaged to Sheila Martin. Apparently he finds her good wife material."

"Well, is she?"

I sighed. "Yes." That's the problem. "Yes, she is."

"Woosh, big blow for you then."

I froze again, and looked at his face. "What's that supposed to mean?"

He laughed. "Oh don't give me that Bella. You know I know. It's written all over your face when I see him with you. It's like you're his little puppy. You're following him around like a tail. He's like your idol. You're shifting position the same time he does, laugh and talk when he does… It's pretty fun watching actually."

The blood immediately rushed to my face, and I let a curtain of brown hair hide my face. _Jacob knew. He'd known all along._ The thought made me a little uncomfortable, but at the same time, it was pleasant that I didn't have to explain it all to him.

But how could he know? How could he have seen it? Disappointment flowed over me. I had thought I had done a great job hiding my feelings for him. To know that I had failed made me squirm. What if Edward had noticed? What if _Charlie_ had noticed? What if Sheila had noticed?

I blushed again, and I doubted it was possible for my face to get redder than it already was.

"You-you see that?" I stammered.

His booming laughter filled the kitchen once again. It reminded me of Emmett, Edward's older brother, whom I had always liked.

"'Course I do! It's impossible to _not _see. You don't really do a great job covering it."

"I do my best," I told him, while calmly cutting the last tomato.

"Sorry to break the news, but that's not enough. Not now. If you don't want him to notice you're drooling over him as if he was something to eat you should really start practicing bringing yourself together when you're with him." He smiled at me, and poured his perfectly sliced cucumbers into a worn, porcelain bowl. "Bella, I think he will notice soon, if you don't do anything about it he will."

I sighed and sat down on a kitchen chair a few feet away. "But Jake you don't know how it's like. It's-it's… strange… weird… When I'm with him everything sort of falls into place. I'm… so much happier with him."

"Gosh you sound so corny right now," he said uncomfortably.

"Stop it!" I laughed, and rose to playfully punch his shoulders. "We're talking serious business here."

He shrugged his shoulders.

"He has actually kissed me you know," I announced proudly. "Twice," I added when I saw the most amazing look down across Jacob's face.

"_You've kissed him_?!" he asked, astonished, and I nodded boldly. "_Shit_. Bells he's engaged!"

"I kissed him before he got engaged," I murmured lowly, once again fighting the tears.

"So he likes you then."

This time, it was my time to shrug. "Obviously not enough to want to marry me."

"When's the wedding?"

"I dunno. I hope not soon."

He sighed, and I felt how his sympathy for me was thick in the air. It touched me.

"Jake what am I gonna do?" I complained, gazing out the window. A tear ran over the edge in my right eye, and I quickly wiped it away. "I've talked to Alice… and she thought I'd get a boyfriend."

I almost heard him rolling his eyes. "A _boyfriend_? How exactly is that going to help."

"She says I'll make him jealous." The plan didn't really sound as good as it had a few hours ago. I instantly regretted telling him.

"Huh."

"I have a date with Mike Newton this Friday," I said with a sigh, squeezing my eyes shut. "And I know it'll be my own personal hell."

"Mike Newton? Is that the dude who stole your pencils in second grade?"

"No, that was Eric. Mike's that blonde guy who's had a crush on me for ages."

Jacob nodded. "Oh, that guy." His voice revealed that he understood my dilemma. "I guess he's not really boyfriend material."

I agreed with him.

"But how's this Sheila, then?" he asked, changing the subject.

"She's perfection in its purest form. Gorgeous, graceful, smart… She's writing a _book_. A friggin' _book _Jake. Plus she's second best in Washington on racquetball."

"What's racquetball?" he wondered.

I laughed. "I wish I knew." I couldn't fight the tears any longer – it was too difficult.

"Bella, Bella, Bella," Jacob said while wrapping his arms around me. "Do you always have to fall for the wrong guys?" he wondered.

"Hey! This is the first time!" I said while starting to sob silently into his shirt.

Jacob shook his head and squeezed me tighter to him.

**A/N: I am so so **_**so **_**sorry for not updating for so long!!! It's just school's killing me right now! Plus I've had my ballet performances these past weekends. I wish there were more time. I'll try to update faster! At least this is long!**

**Sorry for any mistakes, I wasn't patient enough to edit it.**

**Hope you liked this chapter. It's sort of a filler on what's going to come. **

**Please review! I like reviews! =D**


	10. Racquetball, anyone?

**Disclaimer: Do I really need one? Everybody knows I don't own twilight.**

Chapter 10

Racquetball, anyone?

Even though it might seem impossible, I actually felt a lot better after spending the evening at Jake's. I came home feeling quite cheery, and it wasn't Edward who had made me feel that way. It was Jacob, sunny, quirky, Jacob. He was like no one else, and I loved that.

But as I went up to my room, brooding a bit over the Calculus home work I'd just had gotten, the same ache of missing something surprised me by taking over my mind. I desperately fought it, not realizing it was futile.

I was so weak. Women shouldn't be dependant on their men. They shouldn't be so helpless without them. A woman needed to be strong. She needed to be able to handle herself, without a man constantly supporting her from behind.

_Don't start thinking about boys too early, Bella. It won't do any good. They'll always betray you in the end, you know. At least until you find the right one. And don't look for him. He'll come when you least expect it, I promise. You need to be able to take care of yourself, without a man, that's all that matters. _

Renée's familiar words rang in my head as so many times before, and I angrily chewed on my lip. On so many occasions, I had sworn to never let my feelings for a boy control me. But never had I expected how much I had underestimated what a boy could do to you. Edward drove me crazy. I hated having a crush on him, while I at the same time loved it. I despised having to curl into a small ball before I went to bed, crying because he was never going to be mine. And at the same time, I loved the way he made me feel. How my heart started racing every time he would run his fingers through his hair, or show me that crooked grin. I loved how his voice sounded when he was happy, and I loved seeing how caught up he would be whenever we would play tv-games on Charlie's flat screen.

I wasn't willing to sacrifice all that. I was everything but ready to give it up, and let Sheila have it. Edward was going to marry her, and I knew perfectly well that we would have to stop spending time with each other after the wedding. He would be married. We couldn't be together, have fun, laugh, and be natural, if he would have a wife waiting patiently at home. It wouldn't work out. Even though I knew Sheila wasn't suspicious now, she would be. There was no way to see past that.

In a way, it would be stupid of her to be suspicious. Because, honestly, what could Edward see in me that Sheila hadn't? She overshadowed me in every possible way, from every single angle.

Though she most definitely would start suspecting things, if Edward and I continued to spend as much time together when they were married. Who wouldn't? I would go insane if I knew that Edward might choose another girl over me. Though I hadn't had time to go insane, since Edward already had picked someone else over me before I had had time to change it.

Sometimes I wished I were a boy, because then there wouldn't be an actual obstacle between mine and Edward's friendship. I wouldn't have a crush on him, and we would still be able to be best friends after he married Sheila. Maybe I'd even be happy for him. But no, I was a girl, and that state wouldn't change.

If I simply had refused going to Paris, then what would have happened? Would _I _be engaged to Edward by now? Would we be a couple? Or would he still choose Sheila over me?

It was so unlike Edward to rush into something like an engagement. Never had I pictured him as the one to propose to a girl after five months. If I had a say in it all, I would assume that Edward would be the one to wait as long as possible, until he was absolutely sure. But maybe I didn't know him as well as I thought. After all, I had been childish enough to believe that I was something more than a friend to him. Those two kisses had fooled me. But whom would they not fool?

I went to bed extra early, looking forward to the following day. School had never been so inviting before as it was then. Though it wasn't the actual learning that I was looking forward to. Seeing Edward was a lot more tempting. Frankly, it was the only reason for why I longed to drive to school as soon as possible.

The thought of seeing him alone, no Sheila, no Jacob, no Charlie, was so inviting. Simply the thought of his low chuckle made me feel warm. What was he doing right now? Was he at home, with his parents and brother, Carlisle, Esme and Emmett? Or maybe he was at Sheila's place, practicing racquetball or reading the first draft of her book. What was he thinking of? Sheila? School? The wedding? _Me_? Even though the last one seemed a bit too bizarre, I couldn't bring myself to not hope.

Would it be silly to call him, just to hear what he was doing? Would I reveal too much by dialing his number and press call?

Hesitation hit me as I reached for my cell phone, resting on the bedside table. I gently fidgeted with the object for a few seconds, before I determinedly but it back to its place on the table again. I shouldn't. No, I _couldn't_. It was against the rules. He was engaged, there was no other way around it. There was nothing to do but to face the facts. Even though the truth was terrible and so unpleasant it gave me nightmares, I had to face it. Life wasn't a movie, or a book. You couldn't escape reality. Maybe by letting your thoughts wander a bit while reading something good, but nothing else. Real life would always be right behind me, ready to show itself as soon as my brooding was over.

I had trouble falling asleep that night. Dawn came slower than usual, and I dragged out of bed five minutes before my alarm was supposed to ring.

The sky was, just as always, covered with a thick blanket of cold grey. Not a single beam of sunlight was visible in the boring fog, and I sighed at its ability to almost never change. Yesterday was nothing but a memory now; it would take long for the sun to find Forks again.

I drove to school slowly, even though all I wanted was to fiercely push down on the pedal. There was something depressing about the weather that made me slow my pace. It had never happened before. After all, I had grown up in Forks, and spent happy days playing and laughing, even though the sun was hidden.

My gaze searched for the silver Volvo as I drove into the parking lot, and I sighed in relief as it appeared before me. He was here.

I killed the engine before grabbing my backpack, and then stepped out of the car. For the second time, my gaze looked for a familiar head with bronze tousled ringlets, and my heart sank in my chest as I saw nothing but boring brown hair colors. Just like my own.

Thankfully, he was at his locker, which was luckily situated next to mine. I half ran the last distance, eager to meet his emerald gaze.

"Hi," I breathed, as I turned to stand beside him. Even though my eyes were observing my hand doing the combination, I was able to see his face under my thick curtain of brown hair.

"Hi," he said as he shut his locker. He didn't slam it shut, like I had to do. Instead, he closed it gracefully and quietly, leaving me admiring him. "How are you?"

I nodded, still not meeting his eyes. "Fine. You?"

"Not complaining."

There was a brief pause, where I decided to bring out my Calculus book. I muttered something inaudible under my breath as I stared down at it. Stupid Calculus. Why did it have to be so difficult?

He chuckled at my reaction. "Calculus now, huh?"

I closed the locker, and finally looked up to meet his gaze. It was liberation directly. His eyes were worth the wait – I wished I could stare into them forever.

"Unfortunately, the answer is yes."

He chuckled again. "Hey, listen. I was thinking… Well, Sheila was thinking actually…" A strange feeling entered my heart. It was unpleasant. I wanted it to go away. So why couldn't it? "She still wants to play racquetball with you… Well, the three of us actually. This Saturday instead. She wants you to come. Of course you don't have to. It's just, Sheila really likes you, she would really like doing something with you."

I blinked a few times, trying to capture all the words he'd said.

"She _does_ like you. I need to pay attention, so she won't steal you from me." The right side of his mouth pulled up into a crooked smile, and my knees suddenly felt a lot wobblier than usually.

"I'll come," I blurted out, before I had time to go it through inside my head.

"You sure?" he wondered, raising one eyebrow. "Bella, no one's making you. I know you're not very comfortable with sports…"

"And why do you assume that?" I spat.

He backed then, sensing my anger. "You've always been… well, sorry but awful at sports… You know I'm the reason to why you've not ditched Gym these past… three? No, maybe four years. But if you really want to come…"

"_Yes_. In fact I _want _to come. There's nothing I'd rather do than that! I-I really like racquetball!"

"Do you even know what racquetball is?"

I blushed. "Yes," I lied. "Yes, I know what racquetball is."

"Liar," he chuckled, making me blush again.

"Well will you please tell me then, since Sheila thinks I know what it is," I begged.

"It's similar to tennis… A racquet and a ball…"

I groaned. "_Disaster_!"

"Don't come then," he offered calmly.

I rolled my eyes. "You don't want me to come?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "I know you, Bella. You don't want to come. Admit it."

My eyes widened. Did he really know me that well? Was it possible? Of course it was, we'd always been best friends. He'd always been forced to watch me embarrass myself in Gym. Of course he knew. How stupid was I?

"Maybe that's true… But Sheila will be disappointed."

He rolled his eyes. "She'll survive."

I raised my eyebrows. "Is that how you speak of your fiancée."

He chuckled. "Will you call her my girlfriend? Fiancée sounds so…"

"Old. Weird. Tragic."

"Bella, Bella, Bella," he murmured, and ran his fingers through his tousled hair in a casual gesture.

"Maybe I should try racquetball…" I offered. "If it makes Sheila happy."

"It's allowed to be selfish sometimes, Bella," he answered, leaving me puzzled.

What had he meant by saying that? Of course I was selfish sometimes. Weren't we all? Why wouldn't I try to make Sheila happy if I could? If it meant so much for her to play racquetball with me, then fine. I would have to make a sacrifice.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I wondered, frowning.

"It means that you don't _have _to come."

"You don't want me to come?" I could feel my forehead creasing in confusion. Where did he want to come? Edward didn't want to play racquetball with me, but Sheila wanted me to. What was I supposed to do? And why didn't Edward want me to come? Didn't he… like me? Was it about that? The fact that he had lost interest in me, but Sheila hadn't. If that was the case I was positive Sheila would soon realize that I was nothing but a loser. Because that was what I was. I had an enormous, hopeless, crush on my best friend, who was engaged. What could be worse than that?

And things weren't exactly getting better. My feelings grew for him every day. There was nothing I could do to make that fact disappear. Every time he would look at me, talk to me, smile at me, my heart would start pounding like I'd just run a marathon. But at the same time, a hole would be carved out in my chest. An aching hole, a reminder of that I would never get him. He was Sheila's, and nothing would ever change that.

I wondered how I would handle the wedding, if I would manage to come even. Maybe I would pretend to have an unknown disease, so that no one could question my absence. I knew already that seeing Edward marrying someone else would be extremely difficult and painful. Especially seeing him marrying Sheila, the face of perfection.

Or I would come. Or I would bring myself together and be happy for him. Be happy for the fact that he had found love, and that his feelings were responded.

How would their lives look after the wedding? They would most definitely leave Forks, I was almost a hundred per cent sure of that. Sheila and Edward would leave me behind, and we would loose touch. I would end up like an old spinster, still living and taking care of Charlie at the age of 45, while at the same time they would have the time of their lives, simply by being together.

The hole grew as I let my thoughts fly away. I quickly brought myself together, facing Edward again. He was so gorgeous.

"No, I don't want you to come. You'll embarrass yourself," he replied.

"Well you of all sure know how to make a lady feel good about herself," I said shrewdly.

"I can't see a lady anywhere around here actually," he joked while letting his eyes fly over the corridor. "Nope, definitely no lady here."

I playfully punched his shoulder. "You wish."

"Come over Friday," he suggested suddenly. My heart skipped a beat. _He wanted me to come over? Alone, or would Sheila be there? _He hadn't asked me to come over since I had come back to Paris, and I had realized that it would never happen, since he was engaged to Sheila. Was it possible to have a best friend who was a girl, when you at the same time were engaged to one?

Disappointment flew over me as I realized what I had planned for this Friday. I silently cursed Alice in my head for making up the entire thing about making him jealous. It wouldn't work! The result would only be my embarrassment for picking such a stupid date.

"I-I-I." My mouth was instantly dry as a desert. "I can't come Friday," I managed to say. "I-I have a date. With M-Mike Newton."

Edward rolled his eyes. "Was that for real?"

"_Yes!_" I answered angrily. "What? You don't think I can get a date."

"Of course you can get a date, I just figured you'd choose someone better than Newton."

"Like who?" I teased.

"Me, of course," he said, flashing his set of white teeth afterwards.

My eyes widened the same time as a pleasant warmth spread over my body. My heart was pounding insanely fast. Sweat was flowing out in racer speed from my armpits. My sight became blurry. My brain was switched off.

_What had he just said? Did he say he thought he should date me? Had he? HAD HE? _

I was instantly interrupted from my brooding, when out of nowhere, Jessica, one of my old friends, came running towards me.

"Bella, Bella, Bella!!! Bella you have no idea what's happened!!! This is so huge!!! Bella! Bella, someone's broken in to the cafeteria!!! BELLA!!! Someone's ruined the cafeteria entirely!!! And everything is broken and ruined!!!" She was only a few feet away now, panting from her running. "Bella, come! You need to see it!!! There's glass _everywhere_!" She stubbornly took my hand, and dragged me towards the cafeteria. I was still in shock after Edward's words, and could do little to protest. My mind was spinning like a tornado.

What had he meant by saying those words? Did he want to date me? But how could he want that, when he was engaged to Sheila? And engagement was for real, not some joke you come up with during a meal at McDonald's.

"BELLA!!! You need to see this! C'mon! Isabella Swan, hurry!!!" Jess complained. Why was she even dragging _me _with her, I barely spoke to her anymore. We had been best friends in elementary school, but that had been then. Why was she dragging me away now? When Edward had just admitted something very important? "Why would anyone want to break into the cafeteria?" she continued to babble. "I mean, what is there to steal, really? Nothing. But still, it's so weird. I mean, the caf's totally ruined. For real. Maybe it was just some sort of practical joke from a couple of guys. But it's so not funny. I mean, who's gonna pay? It's totally ruined. Come see, Bella! Hurry!"

In a daze, I followed her. But my mind was elsewhere, _everywhere._

.

I managed to get through the day in school, even though I at first doubted I would make it. Edward had, in a mysterious way, disappeared. I couldn't talk to him about his words, and I didn't dare to call him.

The cafeteria had been ruined, almost beyond repair. All of the windows had been made into splinters, and they made a crackling sound whenever someone decided to walk across the floor. Three chairs had been saved from the destruction; all of the others had been smashed. Either they missed a leg, or the back support. Someone had painted on the walls, though no letters were legible. It was more a huge disarray of non-saying symbols. They had been painted there only to provoke, it was easy to see.

Jessica was surprisingly eager about the entire thing, and she had continued to babble mindlessly about who she thought were the guilty ones. It surprised me that no one would dare to do such a thing to the cafeteria – Forks didn't have any rebels. Could it be a protest to something the school had done wrong, a revenge? But to what?

Mike was, literally, all over me, asking questions about our date, and planning what we would do. In difference with Jessica, he seemed unmoved by the scenario in the cafeteria. I wasn't even sure of that he knew what had happened.

Of course made sure to speak extra loudly, not making anyone pass by who hadn't heard of our date. If I had been to my senses, his reaction would have driven me crazy. Today, though, I could do nothing but nod at him when he spoke to me. I was unable to protest. Frankly, I wasn't even listening. My brain had been switched off from everything. I didn't speak during lunch, take notes while in classes… I didn't even _try _to do anything. I couldn't even think of Edward's words. They had drained my mind.

When the day finally ended, I drove home slowly. Charlie wasn't home as I pulled up in front of our house. I grabbed my backpack in trance, and opened the car door. And then, it was as if the daze I had been in for the entire day disappeared. Thoughts filled my mind with such speed that my legs became unsteady.

I shut the door behind me, and burst into a cascade of flowing tears.

**A/N: Yeah, so this was sort of a filler too. But I hope you liked it. Next chapter is going to be about Bella's date with Miiiike! **

**Please review****!!! I would love to hear your opinion!**


	11. Mike Schmike

**Disclaimer: Do I really need one? Everybody knows I don't own twilight. **

Chapter 11

Mike Schmike

There weren't enough words to mark the frustration I felt. What was going on? Did Edward have feelings for me, while at the same time he was engaged to Sheila? Could it be so? _Had _those kisses, after all, meant something to him? Maybe I was being fooled by the words he'd uttered at my locker a few hours before. But if I was wrong – which I most definitely was – what had he then meant by saying such a thing?

What if he was playing with me? Seeing how far he could take it before I would flip out and tell him everything. Did he know? I regretted thinking this directly afterwards, Edward would never do that. At least I knew him that much. He wouldn't hurt me like that – we were best friends.

But what had he meant then? That he wanted to me to date him? Hadn't he thought of that he was _engaged_? Hadn't it struck him? Or had the whole statement been meant as a joke, something to not take seriously?

This thought made me feel depressed. Had a meaningless joke made me feel like this? Was it all for nothing? Was it something unserious, something he'd just blurted out? Something he wanted me to laugh at. What if I was the last person he thought of in a romantic way? What if he giggled at the thought of him and I like a couple? What if it was bizarre for him, gross? What if he thought of me like I thought of Jacob, like a sibling?

My brain was one big question mark. I expressed me frustration by letting the damn tears spill over. They were angry tears, frustrated drops of salt water. I didn't know what to do, what I wanted. All I knew was that Edward wasn't with me, and that was the reason for my grumpy mood. I missed him so much, even though I'd seen him hours earlier. It seemed as if I couldn't get enough of him. You would think that after spending an afternoon with him, like yesterday, I would be content and satisfied for the rest of the day. Unfortunately, that was not the case. If it was possible, I became more depressed after being with him for a long time. It was like he kept a part of me with him – I was only complete while with him. And the longer I stayed and enjoyed being whole again, the more it hurt to be broken again.

The urge of breaking something struck me as I unlocked the door, and my hands clenched into fists. I wanted to throw something, ruin something. It didn't matter if it only was a pillow, or a soap. I just wanted to have broken it, so the frustration wouldn't take over my mind.

I resisted the feeling, though. I didn't need the guilt for breaking Charlie's things. Instead I went to the kitchen, and swallowed a banana in three bites. I pulled out the Biology homework, and sat down at the kitchen table.

The concentration was far away as I mindlessly scribbled something down on a piece of paper. Everything was just so wrong, so terribly wrong. The minute I had gone to Paris, everything had started to fall apart.

Why would Edward ever want anyone but Sheila? Why would he ever want me? Nobody would ever want me, as ugly, dumb, sad and selfish as I was. It was impossible to see through any of those facts. They were like a brick wall, blocking everything that tried to go through it. Nothing was able to slip through the cracks. It surprised me that Jacob and Alice even put up with me. I was aware of that it was only a matter of time before Edward would realize how useless I was, and abandon me. Maybe it was useless to even count him like a friend anymore. It was written in the wind that he would, too soon leave me. Even if he didn't want to, he would have to do it. He would have to do it for Sheila. If she would ask, then he would obey. It was nothing unusual about that. They were _engaged_.

The rest of the week flowed by in a daze. Edward spoke politely with me every day, but most of the time I was quiet and brooding in reply. I think he realized something was wrong. A troubled expression was always spread across his face whenever I mumbled something inaudible to him.

Though if he noticed something different in my mood, he didn't comment it. Not once did he ask how I felt, or if something was wrong. He let me be alone, and in a way, I was grateful for that. I didn't want to think more of what he had said to me, and if it only had been a joke.

Even though I spent so much time thinking and brooding, I never came to a conclusion. Edward's purpose with his words was still a mystery to me. I had no idea whatsoever if he even remembered saying them. It was very frustrating, the ignorance that tortured me. What I really wanted was to just let the entire thing go, see how it flew away from me. Still, it was impossible. I couldn't stop thinking of Edward, which made the space left for more relevant thought small. My homeworks slowly faded away, as I dreamed about Edward and his mesmerizing way. I had to concentrate very hard to not focus only on him.

The cafeteria had been fixed miraculously fast, due to the fact that all students had been forced to help out to clean up after the mess. The principal had explained it as a collective punishment. He obviously disliked the fact that the guilty ones would escape cleaning up. He had excluded the fact that they didn't go to Forks High School, and Charlie, together with the rest of the polices in Forks, were busy trying to figure out who had done it.

The money to repair the windows and buy new chairs had come from a fund the school usually used to pay ski trips for the students. Personally, I thought that it wouldn't matter much if a few of that money would be used to repair the cafeteria.

Jessica had, for some strange reason, started to want to be with me again. It surprised me. When we had been friends, _she _had been the one to show me that I no longer held any interest to her by ignoring me. I hadn't exactly missed her friendship, since Jacob and Edward had been a lot better company. Jessica was… silly. A big mouth. All of her opinions were spoken out loud and told to anyone. She wasn't afraid of saying what she thought.

Still, I nicely agreed on catching up with her again, even though I was still as quiet and brooding as before. She was suddenly sitting at my, Angela, Ben and Edward's, table at lunch, uninvited. Not that it bothered me in any way; I was simply shocked by how quickly we became friends again.

Fortunately, no one at the table seemed bothered by Jessica's presence. _If _Angela, Ben and Edward had been uncomfortable with Jess next to them, they didn't show it. No one asked either, and it was a relief. I had no explanation to give them, if they wanted to know why a short loud girl had sought my friendship.

The night before Mike and my date, I couldn't sleep. All I could think of was how terrifying the date would turn out. Mike was Mike. He would, without a doubt, make our dinner to a place worse than hell. I would most certainly blush through the entire evening.

I tried to focus on the fact that I was doing it for Edward, to get Edward jealous, to get him to realize that _I _was his dream girl. A date with Mike had to be worth it. It had to be. If Edward liked me of course. If he didn't, then the entire evening of torture would be for nothing. I tried hard not to think of that. It would only make the urge of pretending to be sick grow.

But what if I would pretend to be sick? Because honestly, the thought of being alone with Mike for an _entire _evening was as inviting as seeing Edward and Sheila kiss. Translation: I could most definitely handle it if he cancelled. _More _than handle it. I would probably go insane of joy.

Mike acted weird in school that day. He was mysterious, shrewd. I noticed that it wasn't only because he was excited for our date. There was something else in his eyes, as if he knew something I didn't. It disturbed me. I wanted to know why he was suddenly so smirk.

I didn't know if it was my imagination, but I could swear that Edward was different that Friday. It was as though my quiet mood had been transmitted on to him. He was quiet, down. Once I got a clear look at his eyes, I saw that they were full of indecision – they were worried. Even though I was tempted, I decided to not ask anything. Maybe I was afraid of the answer.

Alice had told me to dress nicely, even though I didn't want Mike to think of me as pretty. She knew my wardrobe better than I did, and chose a red blouse together with my nicer pair of jeans. Luckily, I didn't have any heels for her to force upon me. I knew that I would only trip in such shoes, and that was the reason to why I had never bought a pair.

He was ten minutes early to pick me up, and I interpreted that as a bad sign. Couldn't he at least try to hide the eagerness he felt? Was it really normal for a guy to be so overly excited? I wouldn't know, since Mike would be my first date. Reluctantly, though. I was still telling myself that I was doing this for Edward, as I saw his car take the place where Charlie's cruiser usually stood, he was working tonight.

Charlie had, unfortunately, wondered if I had had any plans for this night. This had forced me to admit that yes, yes I had plans. With Mike Newton, yes I was planning on going on a date with Mike Newton.

He most definitely noticed the reluctance I felt for the date, and I saw in his face that he couldn't understand what could be wrong with Mike Newton. If he had asked, I could name a few facts that made him extremely unattractive. He didn't asked, though, which made me grieve in silence.

Of course he didn't have any problems with me going out with Mike. It was a part of my unconditional luck. He had just nodded in reply, wishing me to have fun. I wished he was a wizard, so he could turn this night to something fun, perhaps bring Edward or Jacob, and not the torture that I was standing before.

Mike rang the doorbell three times, with short intervals. Instead of rushing to the door, I lazily counted to three, and then started steering my steps towards the door.

"Hi," he said happily, flashing a smile before eyeing me thoroughly. I was too irritated to blush.

"Hi," I answered casually, trying my best to not show my mood in my voice. Even though I was the worst liar in the world, he seemed to believe I was happy. "I'm just gonna grab my jacket," I told him before I put it on.

"Okay," he said. The smile on his lips was gone now, was he blushing? I discreetly observed his expression. His eyes revealed he was nervous. I couldn't possibly understand why. Hadn't he been the one to brag of our date to every person in school a few hours ago? On the outside, he was tough, ready to make the date fabulous (even though I knew he would fail). But what was going on on the inside?

"Let's go," I said, biting my lip. I had to live through this. I had to.

"Okay."

"Which movie are we seeing?" I wondered before I closed and locked the door after us.

"Oh. Well it's… it's this new romantic comedy… I figured you'd like it…"

_Romantic comedy? Oh, perfect. _"Sounds fine," I lied. The thought of watching something funny with Mike was nauseating.

He seemed to relax a little in the car to the theatre, chatting casually of everything that involved himself. I pretended to listen, while I let my mind wander to what I was going to do when I came home.

"I mean, what does the teachers think with? It's frickin' insane, all stupid homework. I am not _made_ of time, man. Honestly. Even though graduation's soon, it still sucks. Though who cares if I get an F in English? I'm not exactly planning on becoming a writer or anything. The only one who'd care's Mom. But honestly, it's my life, y'know!

"Sometimes I ditch. Especially English. I mean, it's so not worth it. Totally not. Plus why do we have English as a subject? We all know how to speak it so it's not exactly _necessary _or anything.

"I don't even know why I go to school anymore, sort of. It's just without point. Mom'll still let me work in the shop 'til I die, so it's not like I'll be without a job or anything…"

It was impossible to not make out what he wanted to tell me, even though I was caught up in my thoughts. My eyes widened at his speech. So this was the real Mike? Never had I even fathomed that he would be… a rebel. Did he even ditch school? Or did he only tell me to impress me?

There was so much seriousness in his voice that it was impossible to doubt that what he was saying was the truth. Still, I was so astonished of what he had sad. Mike Newton didn't care of school? Mike Newton ditched?

With his baby blue eyes and blond hair, I had always thought of him as merely an innocent boy. An innocent boy who had a hopeless crush on me. Not ever could I picture him leaving the school grounds when others were sitting in class, or hearing him sigh at a teacher's lecture.

"Gym's okay, though. Coach Clapp's pretty nice behind his layer of stinking polo shirts."

I couldn't bring myself to listen to him. It was impossible to melt; Mike Newton didn't care about school, nor did he like it.

How had this happened? It felt as if only a few weeks ago we had been sitting next to each other in Physics, carefully taking notes about outer space and gravity. When had he started to hold a grudge against school?

I had known him since kindergarten, and I had always pictured him as the careful, good, silly, sometimes coward, boy. How could I have been so wrong?

He continued to babble constantly the entire way to Port Angeles. His way of talking reminded me a bit of Jessica, even though their ways of talking were anything but alike.

He stood uncomfortably close to me in the line to buy the tickets. When he put his arm around my waist, I fought the urge to shrug away. As he started talking to the sullen lady selling the tickets, I noticed that his breath smelled strongly of… garlic. It made me feel queasy, and I discreetly held my breath as long as possible between my inhales. It didn't really help me to find the date more amusing.

The theatre was almost emptied as we found our seats, and during commercials, he put his hand on the armrest next to me in an awkward position. It was as if he was waiting for me to take his hand. He was ready to soothingly grab it, as if I was seeking solace in holding his hand.

I never took his hand during the movie – which I was unable to focus on – afraid that his hands might smell of garlic too.

He talked during the drive home too, and I continued on having my mind elsewhere, while he mindlessly shared all of his inner thoughts with me.

"Yeah, what did you think of the caf, then?" he suddenly said, breaking my inner trance. At first, I didn't realize that he was waiting for an answer. An unpleasant silence hovered over the car before I realized I was going to have to speak.

I stiffened at his question. The cafeteria topic made me feel uneasy. "What do you mean?" I wondered hesitantly. He'd never spoken of the cafeteria before. His company had started to make me feel nervous.

He laughed, but not a playful laugh. It wasn't evil, but serious. His tone revealed that there was nothing funny in what he was going to say. It scared me. This Mike was so… different. I suddenly thought of myself as silly, believing that I had known him. The outside obviously had the ability to fool one crazy.

"Yah, my bad." He laughed again afterwards, and a shiver crippled down my spine.

I gasped. "Was that _you_?" I breathed. "_You _ruined the cafeteria?"

The left side of his mouth pulled up into a crooked evil grin. Though this one was nothing like the smile Edward's face usually was adorned with. Mike's smile was mean.

He rolled his eyes. "Shit, Bella. You sound so upset. It was no big deal."

I was still shocked, was it true? Had he di d it? Had Mike Newton vandalized the cafeteria? Innocent, careful, Mike Newton? How could _he _have done it? How could he? Was he even capable of hurting a fly?

"_You _did it?"

It felt as if I had been lied to, even though I hadn't. Still, I felt betrayed as I realized that the Mike I thought I'd known was only a well-planned façade.

An unknown fear slowly started to spread inside me. Would he… Would he do anything to _me_ know? It felt silly to think the thought, but wasn't it natural to consider that possibility? Had he vandalized anything before? What if he was into more criminal things? Had he stolen?

He sighed in irritation. "So? What's the big deal?"

"_What's the big deal? _Mike, that was _vandalism_! It was illegal. You don't vandalize the cafeteria. Did you even think of the consequences, what if someone finds out it was you?" He shrugged at my words. "Mike this is serious!"

"It's no big deal, Bella. No one's ever caught me before."

I froze. "Was it really you?" I demanded. "You did it?"

"Lee and Tyler, too. So? I thought you'd be impressed."

"_You thought I'd be impressed?_"

He smirked. "Isn't that what you girls fall for? That bad guy?"

"Mike, what the _hell_ were you thinking? Would you like to enlighten me on what you were thinking that night? Why would you do that?" I pressed.

"Psh, I did it to impress you. Plus I'm pretty damn pissed off at that school of ours."

"That's not reason enough!" I said anxiously. "Mike, how can you act so calm? Aren't you even feeling the littlest bad? Think of how much it had to have cost to fix it again!"

He raised one eyebrow at me, and I saw how his hands were clenched unnaturally tight around the wheel. "No. Why would I? I did it for you, I thought you'd like it."

"Is that what you give your dates? A ruined cafeteria?" I demanded. "_Hell _no, Mike! What the heck were you thinking?"

I was literally going to kill Alice for convincing me to make Edward jealous. Who had said I wanted to _know _who'd done it? _I didn't_. What I wanted right now, in this very moment, was to cuddle up next to Edward, watching a cheesy musical. I did _not _want to sit next to Mike Newton in his car stinking of old garbage, listening to him _brag_ about how he had vandalized the school cafeteria.

I cussed under my breath for not pretending to be sick. Everything would have gone so smooth, if I had had. No Mike. No stupid, hovering, clingy, bragging, self-centered, Mike.

"Jeesh, Bella. I thought you'd be cool with it."

"Define being cool with it, please," I said coldly.

"Don't give me that! Girls fall for bad guys, isn't that set in stone?"

I bit down hard on my lower lip, leaving my teeth locked on the soft skin. "_No_, Mike," I said between clenched teeth. "That is _not _set in stone."

"Calm down," he told me, and tried to take my hand. I pulled it away as if his touch had burned me. Hurt dawned in his eyes. Normally his reaction would have made me feel bad, but not now. I was filled with anger and disappointment.

"Mike, I thought I knew you!" I complained, and sighed as I rested my back against the seat. "What the hell were you thinking?"

He frowned. "Bella, don't you see? Someone needs to show that excuse of a school what's going on."

"What is wrong with Forks High School? What?"

"Every stinking thing!" he muttered. "Shit, Bella. What's the problem?"

"The problem is that I'm on the worst date ever with a vandalizer!" Was it a word? I hoped so. Not that I would care if it wasn't.

"This is the worst date ever?" he wondered lowly.

"That doesn't matter," I hissed. "What matters is that you need to realize what you've done! Mike vandalizing a cafeteria is serious. My dad's a police!"

"I know what I've done," he protested. "I don't regret it. Well, maybe, since you don't like it."

"You thought I'd _like _it?"

What was _wrong _with him? It didn't matter if Edward wouldn't be jealous. I was _never _going on a date with this guy ever again; I wouldn't even look his way in school. Had he always been like this? Had I only been unobservant these past ten years? Had I not seen the one hiding behind the innocent round face?

"Yes."

How could he not be anxious? How could he have told me? Wasn't he afraid of that I might tell the entire city? Didn't he care if he got caught?

"What if I tell someone, what if you get caught?" I whispered.

"You wouldn't tell anyone," he stated, as if it was the clearest thing in the world. "I know you wouldn't, you're too nice Bella, too loyal."

I groaned. He was right; I couldn't ever tell anyone about what he had done. It would eat me up from inside.

"Mike, think about it," I pleaded. "Could you just realize that it's serious?"

He shrugged his shoulders.

"Mike, never do it again," I begged.

"I can't promise that."

"Then don't tell me if you do anything else."

"Does this mean we're broken up?"

I opened my mouth to spat back that we weren't together, but changed my mind abruptly. "Yes, it means we're broken up," I decided to say.

He simply nodded, letting the silence fill the car once again as his fingers drummed evenly against the wheel, sinking us both in a quiet trance. The road was familiar now; I knew I would be home in just a few minutes. Still, all I wanted was to jump out of the car. Walking home in this rain would be worth it. Just getting rid of Mike, that was all I wished for. What a paradise it would be to get him out of my eyesight.

I didn't say goodbye as he pulled up in front of my home. I slammed the car door shut behind me, and ran towards the door. _Home_.

**A/N: Mike is **_**extremely **_**OOC in this fic, if you haven't noticed already. But I needed Bella to make a mistake… Hehe.**

**Please Please Please Review****! I know it's easy to ignore the button, but please let me know your opinion!**


	12. I am sure now

**Disclaimer: Do I really need one? Everybody knows I don't own twilight. **

Chapter 12

I am sure now

Five signals. Five endless signals. Couldn't she answer soon? Maybe the wait was less than a minute, but it was enough to get me anxious. _Pick up, pick up, pick up! Now!_ I caught myself biting down on my lip so hard that I could feel the rusty taste of blood in my mouth. Ugh.

What time was it? Eleven? What time was it in Paris? Morning? Would she be awake? What if I would wake her? Would she be mad?

The minute Mike had dropped me off outside my house; I had run for the phone. Charlie had been baffled by my hurry, and he failed in his attempt of trying to find out any news of how Mike and my date had gone. I quickly silenced him by saying I needed to make a phone call. And even though I would have had a chance to tell him about the date, it was not a chance that I would tell him more than necessary. Definitely not about the fact that Mike had vandalized the cafeteria, nor about his vicious garlic breath. The only person I would tell it to would be Alice, maybe Jacob.

"_Allô_," she answered groggily. Her voice witnessed of that she had recently woken up. Yet, her familiar voice told me that everything would work out.

"Alice!" I said quickly. "Alice, it's me!"

"Bella? 'Ello! What are you… What time is it? Is it Friday in Forks? Oh _Bella_! Wait… Are you about to go on ze date, or have you just come 'ome?" Alice and I e-mailed frequently, this explaining why she knew about the date. Though this time, I didn't want to tell her over an e-mail. I needed to speak with her, hear her voice.

"Alice!" I repeated, and the thought of that I couldn't share the date with her face to face made the tears dangerously close to fall over. I missed her terribly. Not in the same way as I had missed Edward, this was different. I missed her company, I missed feeling needed, loved. I missed being a part of a constant friendship. And I missed her angelic laugh, her bounciness and her joy. Alice was almost like Jacob when it came to being happy.

Of course, she had the ability to irritate the shit out of me sometimes. But I saw past that, to those moments where we had rolled on the floor in laughter, giggled at a silly comment of Jasper's, or studied in silence on her soft bed.

"Are you nervous, Bella? Don't worry. It will work out. Remember it is for Edward. And doesn't zis Mike like you? Won't it make it easier you zink? I'm sure it won't be as bad as you zink. And I am sure Edward is crazy of jealousy now. Wouldn't you be? Or aren't you? You've told me when he looks at…"

I needed to cut her off here. "Alice, the-the date is over," I stuttered. "I'm home. Mike is gone."

The other line was quiet. The silence lasted for three seconds. I counted.

"ZEN TELL ME EVERYZING, BELLA!" she yelled, and her sudden high voice scared me a bit. Who would have thought little Alice was capable of such screaming?

And so I told her, everything. From what Edward had told me before Jessica had kidnapped me, how the cafeteria had been ruined, how shrewd Mike had been in school, how Jess suddenly wanted to be friends with me again, and how Mike had admitted that he had been the one to vandalize the cafeteria.

I didn't know what I expected from Alice. All I knew was that I needed to tell someone, someone I knew couldn't make it worse by telling ears that shouldn't know. If Edward would have been the one I turned to, I was a hundred per cent sure that he would want to tell the principal, or even worse, Charlie. It was just the way he was. He wouldn't be able to keep quiet about it. Edward was… protective? I didn't know what word to put on it.

Jacob would probably react the same. He would tell people, I knew he would. Maybe not his friends from the reservation, maybe not students in Forks High School, but he would tell Billy, who would tell Charlie.

What would Charlie do if he knew I had been on a date with the one who'd vandalized the cafeteria? Mike Newton was a good guy in his eyes, would he believe that Mike was the guilty one? I had to admit that Mike's looks had fooled me. He looked like… a nice, kind, good, boy. Not the person I would like to have as a friend, but a person you could chat politely with before Spanish class began. Charlie had high thoughts of him, something he shared with others.

Alice was quite a big mouth, of course. But who could she tell that would care? She was more than an ocean away, why would someone living in Paris bother on what was going on in a small town in the continental US? No one would bother.

Alice didn't interrupt me while I told her everything, and she was still quiet when I the story was finished. Another silence, seven seconds this time.

"_Merde_," she finally whispered. "Are you sure? _Cent pour cent?_"

"I'm sure," I said, and noticed how my voice shook. Alice noticed.

"Are you alright, Bella?"

"I'm fine," I lied. "Just confused." _And scared to death, shocked, betrayed, upset because the frigging date was for frigging nothing. Screw Mike. _

"I understand that." She paused to laugh quietly. "I guess my plan is off the 'ook now, right?"

I laughed to. "I guess so…"

"I'm sorry, Bella," she said with a sigh. "Zis is my fault. I shouldn't 'ave told you to go on a date to get Edward jealous."

I fingered with the bracelet tied around my wrist. "It's not your fault Al," I mumbled. "Shouldn't have gone out with Mike in the first place. He's always been sorta psycho."

"What are we going to do now, zen?" she wondered. I had no answer to her question. I wanted to have the answer done and clear as crystal in my head, but I hadn't.

I sighed. "I don't know. I'm definitely not going to tell, Edward." Because I wasn't. What would he think? Would he… freak out? Was he protective of me? Was he my big brother in a way? I didn't have any other siblings, no older role model to defend me. Did Edward think of himself as one? Maybe he did. When I thought of it, he'd always been a bit protective of me, especially in Junior High. Always had he been the one to tell Lauren Hannigan to shut the fuck up when she criticized the food in my braces, or the zit that was covering most of my forehead. And I had always been so grateful to him that I could cry whenever she snorted and walked away. A bitch she was, a real bitch. Without her, my education in school would have been without obstacles. Peaceful and happy. She was the reason to why I usually ditched first period to cry in the girls' restroom.

"No, don't tell Edward," Alice agreed. "Maybe you should tell 'im zat everyzing went well, so 'e can be jealous."

"That's not a bad idea, Al." It _was_. I doubted that Mike would tell anyone how catastrophic our date had been, and neither would I. If I told Edward that everything had went well, Mike was kind, the movie was good, he had even asked if we could go out again… Surely, he would be jealous – _if _he liked me of course.

The only flaw in the plan was, of course, that I was a bad liar, a very, very bad one. What would I do if Edward saw through me? What would I say? I couldn't imagine having to explain everything to him – I would die of embarrassment. I needed to convince myself that I could let him believe that Mike was a great date, boyfriend material even. It would hurt, to not be able to tell him how I despised Mike and only wanted him, but I had to do it. In the end it would be worth it. Edward would be worth it.

Stupid, stupid, Sheila. Why did Edward have to love her? Why did she have to excel me in every way, from every angle? I could not compete with her.

"I should definitely do that," I continued to muse, thinking it through in my head an extra time. "Alice, that's great!" The plan would work, even though the date itself was the worst in Forks.

"I know," she bragged. "You should speak of more boy trouble wiz me Bella, I _am _better at it zan you give me credit for."

I laughed. "Maybe you're right." There was a distant sound of a ringing doorbell in the background.

"Oh, Bella zat is Jasper."

"Oh," I mumbled, disappointed to find out that the precious time of hearing her voice was up. God what I missed her. Couldn't she come to visit me soon?

"I'll call you later," she said to make me feel better, having heard the sadness in my voice.

"It's fine, Al. You go open for Jasper. Say hello from me."

"I will," she promised. "Goodbye, Bella, I miss you."

"I miss you, too."

And then it was quiet.

Alice was right. As always, she was right. It didn't matter if the date had turned disastrous, what mattered was the things Edward would hear. I needed to tell him that the date was more than great, only then would he be jealous. If there were any chance he would ever be jealous on a date of mine, of course. I knew that the chances of him liking someone like me were minimal, but yet I wanted to try. Now, that he was engaged to someone else, I had to fight for him.

I was selfish. I was mean. I was very aware of that. If Edward liked me, and would choose me over Sheila – which's probability was smaller than me dying my hair blue and letting my toenails grow out – she would be hurt. Of course she would be hurt. She _loved _him. They were _engaged_. Sheila was the bride-to-be of Edward's.

Yet, Sheila was not Edward's type. She was too perfect. She would suit with a wealthy politician with glistening teeth and polished shoes. Not Edward. Not playful, childish, and sometimes foolish, Edward. Edward was supposed to be with_ me_. I knew he was. We were best friends, and that was a lot. The step on the ladder that was situated under the term "fiancée".

I wasn't stupid. I knew that Edward liked me a lot as a friend; otherwise he wouldn't have bothered to put up with me all these years. He had to see something in me, under the ugly face and weird shaped mouth. He needed to like my insides. Of course not as she liked Sheila of course, in a very different way, but very clear.

And then it suddenly dawned for me. Everything. All details that I had been collecting for so long fell into place. It was like a jigsaw puzzle that I had finally managed to put together. The picture was clear and legible. I was sure now. So sure, that I would jump off a cliff for it, eat rat poison. It was clear now. That I would never want anyone but Edward. Ever. He would always the one I would want. I couldn't picture him with anyone else in the future. He was the one.

This thought made me feel terrified and thrilled at the same time. Terrified, for now I knew that my future was ruined, if Edward married Sheila. Then it would be set in stone, that I would die as a 90-year old spinster, with 4 one-eyed cats as only company, living in a cottage in Alaska, fishing my food until the day I died. Edward and Sheila would be too busy with taking care of their four children to visit. Left would be me, having lost all contact with the people I once called close friends.

And I was thrilled, because now there was no way around it. I couldn't outrun the fact that I loved Edward. Yes, I loved him, and I had always done so, loved him with all my heart. It would always belong to him. Even though he didn't know, it was his, and only his. How could I handle not telling him now? Everything? To tell him that he should screw Sheila and her stupid book, and choose me. Me, Bella Swan, his always best friend. I would never let him down, I wouldn't let myself do such a thing.

But how could I be so self-centered that I thought nothing of Sheila? What would she do if she knew? I was sure she didn't expect something now, I had been extra careful to hide my emotions for Edward when I met her. But it was only a matter of time before she would start suspecting things. And if she would tell Edward how he felt, then of course he would sacrifice our friendship for her. He loved her. Just like I loved him.

Maybe thinking of Sheila was silly. I knew that the odds of Edward wanting me were against me. But I couldn't give up hope. Deep down, I still wished that there were a possibility that it would all work out, somehow. That he would want me, Sheila wouldn't mind, the wedding would be canceled… I wanted it so badly, so badly I wanted it.

But the chances were so small, so tiny, so minimal. If they even existed.

The thought of that Edward would spend the rest of his life with Sheila was excruciating. It was so difficult to hold the tears back now. Sheila was going to get _everything _I would ever want. She would marryEdward. She would be with him forever. It was exactly the dream I had hoped to come true for so long. She knew he loved her; she had a confirmation that he would do everything for her – she knew it. And I, me, Bella Swan, who were desperately in love with her fiancé, dating only rebels like garlic-smelling Mike Newton.

I angrily forced myself to push all the emotions into the back of my head. But I had nothing to distract my mind with except for Edward's smile, his face, his eyes… He was everywhere! In my every single thought! And how much I even tried, he would stay there.

What if I was being a lot more selfish than I thought? Suddenly it struck me. _Edward_ was happy with her. He had to be. I knew he was. He was happy, and he knew that he would always be happy with her. Wasn't that the only thing I was supposed to care about? _His _happiness? I should be happy for him. Happy, because he would have a happy life with her. A smile would always be on his face every morning when he would wake up, with her at his side.

A clawing pain scratched my insides as I pictured them together at the altar. It was inescapable, the "I do" got closer for every day – there was nothing I could do about that.

Why didn't I just give up? It was obvious that their engagement was real. They wanted each other, forever. Did I really want to be the one to break that?

The answer was not the one I thought it was. Yes, I was willing to break that. To get Edward, I would. I would because I needed him. I needed him more than I needed anyone else. More than I needed Alice, Jacob, Charlie, Renée… Edward was the one. He would always be. I loved him. I would always love him. I knew that now.

If Sheila had been someone else, someone I loved, someone I was close to, I wouldn't have considered taking Edward away from her. But I didn't know her, I had met her once, she was simply an acquaintance. I knew it would be a cakewalk for her to get another man to love her. She was talented, happy, beautiful… If I could get Edward to realize he wanted me instead, I didn't mind if she would get hurt.

I felt awful after thinking so, but I knew that it was true. A selfish, self-centered, Bella had suddenly replaced the shy, ironic, one. What choice did I have, if I knew no one could make me happy but him? I couldn't see myself with anyone else but him, it didn't work. I was meant to be with him. Maybe he wasn't meant to be with me, but I was meant to be with him.

He was probably with Sheila now. I knew he was. A Friday night, spent together with your girlfriend. Of course they were together now, of course. As I pictured them together, the clawing pain inside me grew stronger. The tears suddenly spilled over, those damn traitor tears. I couldn't stop them. It was as if they had their own will.

I angrily bit down on my lower lip as I started sobbing. Why did they have to be engaged? _Why_? Why did I have to move to Paris? Why did I have to move to stupid, far away, French-speaking, Paris? I lived in _Forks_. Renée had ruined everything. Why me? Why did _I _have to be the one to get my heart broken?

I didn't bother switching clothes as I lied down on top of the covers of my bed. I didn't even brush my teeth. All I could focus on was the indescribable pain beating my heart up inside. The tears blinded me, even though my eyes were open.

It felt as though sleep would never find me – I didn't know for how long I cried. But it did. When I woke up, a grey milky light had filled the room – the result from another grey sky.

I groaned, not wanting to wake up just yet. My sight was blurred as I rose, and noticed that I was wearing the same clothes as the night before. The clock to my left witnessed of that it was just past ten in the morning. The beginning of a new day.

After a quick shower and a change of clothes, I had cereal for breakfast together with a paper reading Charlie.

"Didn't really hear much about yesterday," he suddenly said as I started on my cereal. "How was it?"

I casually stirred the contents of the bowl for a moment, trying to act normal. What was I going to say? I instantly wished I had thought something through to tell him. "Good," I decided to reply. "We went to the movies in Port Angeles. And he drove me home."

"Sounds fun. Newton's a good guy, right?"

_NO! Goddamn no! He is _not _a good guy! He _vandalized _the caf, Charlie! _He _was the one! I promise! He told me!_

"Yeah," I said with a nod. "Yeah, he is."

"Never heard any bad of him. And Mr. and Mrs. Newton are really nice. They own that sport good's store near the Lodge…" His eyes were still raking over the pages in the paper.

"I know."

The sound of the phone ringing interrupted our, not very interesting, conversation.

"Got it," I said and rose from the chair. "Hello," I said as I lifted the receiver to my ear.

"Hey Swan, it's Cullen."

_Edward_. My heart skipped a bit. "Edward, hi." I did my best to act casual, normal. My mind was racing. What was I going to tell him, about Mike? I couldn't give him the same short story I'd given Charlie. If I wanted to get him jealous, I would have to give him details, an endless description of the perfect date Mike and I had shared.

"What, did I wake ya?" he asked, and I wondered if I had sounded too distant.

"Nope," I said, popping the 'p'. "Cullen did not wake Swan. Swan is having breakfast."

He chuckled, and I sighed, wanting to have him here. "Cullen has actually had breakfast."

"Swan thinks Cullen eats fast."

"Okay, let's cut the crap. It's Saturday today." It sounded as if a bell would ring when I heard the last sentence. Too bad it didn't.

"Yes, Saturday it is…" My voice was hesitant. He didn't answer. "Should I know what it means?"

"Hm… Maybe you shouldn't. I bet you've repressed it all. Too scary for a swan like you."

"Swans are cool. Sometimes they attack people."

"Doesn't surprise me," he said with a chuckle. "Well Sheila's offer's still there. I'll pick you up at two if you're still in on racquetball. Dress sporty."

"Oh." Racquetball. Lovely. "Sure."

"Awesome. See you then!"

"See you then," I mused, hanging up, relieved that I would have time to plan how perfect Mike and my date had been.

**A/N: ATTENTION! The bragging starts in the car to the racquetball house!!! (Edward doesn't ask because he doesn't want to know)**

**Sorry this is late, I just haven't had time during the holidays to write. Who knew?**

**Yeah, this is a pretty emotional chapter I know. It's because I don't think Bella's gotten very emotional yet… **

**I haven't been thankful enough for all the reviews, OVER 100!!!!!! Reviewers, you are ****golden****. For real. Don't let anyone tell you anything else. I wish I could cut you into this story as Bella or something. So you could be best friends with Edward, convince him to be more… haha! **

**And please review more!!! There are no words to express how a writer loves feedback. **


	13. Racquetball Disaster

**Disclaimer: Do I really need one? Everybody knows I don't own twilight. **

Chapter 13

Racquetball disaster

**(Quick AN, I know NOTHING of racquetball, sorry for any mistakes, I rely too much on wikipedia ;-)**

"I thought I told you to dress sporty," Edward complained as I stepped into his car.

"Shut up," I said, not really meaning it.

He eyed my outfit from head to toe and laughed. "Sweats and converse, Bella? I thought you knew how sporty people dress."

"And I thought you knew me enough to know I am _not _a sporty person."

"You know your feet will really, _really_, hurt after a few minutes of jogging in those," he enlightened me and gestured towards my feet.

"Bullshit, my feet are fine," I assured him.

"_Now_ they're fine. You just wait."

"I'm waiting patiently. Hi, by the way."

"Hello, hello, Miss Bella. How are you?"

That question, it came as a sign. But the hesitation hit me with full force as I stared into his emerald eyes. Should I do it? Should I? Would it sound silly? Would he think I was silly? Would he think I was bragging? Would I chicken out? Would he realize I was lying? Maybe it would be best if I just screwed the whole idea…

"I'm feeling great, still a bit excited from yesterday…" The words were out before I had time to think them through. And yet, I didn't regret saying them.

His gaze suddenly changed, and focused sternly on the road ahead of us. Was he simply uninterested of how I was feeling, or did he know what I had been aiming at?

"What?" he asked in a forced voice. I couldn't interpret his reaction. Was it working? Or was he simply not interested? Did he even know what I was talking about? Maybe I should make it clearer…

"Mike and my date, yesterday," I said hesitantly. "It was really great."

"That's nice," he said, and there was a forced feeling behind the casualness of his voice. I couldn't believe my ears. _Was _it working?

He didn't ask me to continue, so I did it myself. "He picked me up and we went to Port Angeles to catch a movie… This really funny romantic comedy, and I laughed so hard and we had _such a nice time_. He bought the tickets without even saying anything! And when he drove me home he was so sweet! Mike is such a sweet guy." I couldn't believe what I was saying. Because Mike was everything but a sweet guy. I never wanted to look his way ever again.

"I really hope we go out again…

"And I don't know, but it really felt as if he was going to… kiss me," _UGH! _"when he pulled up in front of the house. But he didn't, though…" I tried really hard to make it sound as if the last sentence disappointed me. "Next time I hope he'll take me out for dinner…"

It sounded fake in my ears, a too obvious lie. I knew in that moment that he would know that I was lying. And I would blush my cheeks out in embarrassment.

To my surprise, though, Edward didn't question my story. His eyes were still focused on the road, his jaw clenched. I could see it clearly, how his entire figure had stiffened. What was that about?

I could spot a different look in his eyes. It was as if he was struggling… A spark that stubbornly prevented him from doing what he wanted. What did it mean? What was jealousy? What would be a natural reaction? Why couldn't I see if he was jealous or not? Me, the one person who was always jealous around him, jealous of the girl who he was about to marry.

His fingers drummed stubbornly on the wheel, sinking the car into a silence. I didn't want to tell him anything else of the date, afraid that he might see through my simple façade. Did he truly think that I _liked _Mike Newton? Hadn't I always told him that Mike was annoying, clingy, pushy? How could he believe me now, because of the fact that I had forced myself to go out with him once?

He stayed silent, and the look in his eyes witnessed of that he believed that I had enjoyed my date with Mike. His stiffness made me worried. What was going on inside of his head? He seemed… angry? Why was he angry? Did he know that Mike had been the one to vandalize the cafeteria? Did he think it was dangerous to date a guy like that? But if he knew, why didn't he say anything?

The silence hovered over the car in an unpleasant way. This made me feel uncomfortable. I regretted having shared the date with him.

"So where's this racquetball place?" I asked, sick of the silence.

"Port Angeles."

"_Port Angeles?_"

He tore his gaze from the road to smirk at me. "What? Did you think it would be in Forks? Forks doesn't even have a tennis court!" His gaze was the one I loved now. All rigidity in his body was as gone with the wind. His jaw was no longer clenched – he was relaxed. I was talking to the Edward I loved, finally.

"Er, I dunno. I just figured, you know…" An hour away, far away, Port Angeles. In the car. Edward driving.

Why was I so afraid of going to Port Angeles with Edward? I'd driven there a dozen times with him, always laughing, singing and talking in the car. There had never been a problem. If anything, I had been in excited to sit so close to him for such a long period of time.

But that had been _before_ I had known that he was meant to spend his life with someone else. Things had been different, with other conditions. Could he really have a female best friend that he always hung out with, while he was married?

And now, as he told me that we were playing racquetball in Port Angeles, a hesitation crippled up my spine from somewhere in the backseat. What would change? _Had _anything changed?

I feared being alone with him, because I longed for it. And it was wrong, because Edward was engaged, and nothing could ever happen as long as he called Sheila his fiancée. I knew that, and it tore on my self-control.

If he had been jealous, if that was the right interpretation of his reaction, what could it mean? Did he… like me more than as a friend? Was he simply protective, an older brother? I truly hoped the first, even though the chances were minimal that the situation would work out.

We chatted causally the rest of the drive to the place where we were going to meet Sheila at three. It seemed silly to have worried before. Our friendship was just as it always had been, open, funny, playful. I knew then, that I would never be able to let him go. I couldn't exist happily without our conversations. The hour felt so much shorter as he pulled up in front of a green, big, house with a small parking lot.

"Then we're here," he said formally as he opened the door politely for me.

"Why thank you," I thanked him as he closed it behind me.

The right side of his mouth pulled up into that crooked grin, and my brain stopped working for a moment, just as my sight could only make out those piercing eyes for the briefest of a second. There was no cure against his dazzling.

"Is Sheila already here?" I wondered as we walked to a small entrance with advertisements of babysitters taped onto the walls.

"Yeah, she's been practicing an hour already. With her trainer."

"So she really is good?" I asked as a small room with hangers for jackets and coats met us. There was a small café a few yards away, selling chocolate bars and energy drinks.

He chuckled. "Yes, Sheila's very good."

"I didn't know you could play…" I said as I took of my jacket to hang it up.

"Sheila taught me. I'm not good, though. She's still a bit impatient when I can't learn… Not that I blame her."

"Do you think she'll be able to pond some racquetball into my brain, then?"

He smiled. "Frankly, no, I don't think she'll be able to teach you. Though _she _thinks she can – she's really been looking forward to this. I don't think she fully realizes that you're beyond repair when it comes to sports…"

"She'll find out soon enough," I said, feeling uneasy as Edward led me to one of two small doors next to the cafeteria. I knew Sheila would start suspecting my feelings for Edward soon, because it was so difficult to hide how he made me feel. I feared the moment when she would realize how I had lied to both of them all along.

Behind the door was the court, I found out. It resembled a tennis court in many ways, apart from that there was no net in the middle, and the walls and ceiling were much closer to the lines of what were out. Two people were playing, and I realized at ones that they were on a high level of racquetballing (if that was a word). The ball hit the ceiling and the walls several times while they played, which I found strange.

I recognized one of the persons as Sheila, her honey curls bouncing in her ponytail as she hit a small, not very bouncy, ball hard over to the other side. She was dressed in what I then realized Edward had meant when he had told me to dress sporty. Real sporting shoes, a white tight top, together with green shorts. Her hair was thoroughly put up in a pretty ponytail, and I blushed at the thought of my loose hair.

Sheila was playing with a man, around forty years old. He shouted things at her between his hits, probably things she could improve.

"That's Bobby, her trainer," Edward whispered and pointed towards the man.

I didn't say anything back.

After having watched the two of them play for ten seconds, the interest I held for it faded abruptly. I spent the next five minutes of watching them hoping that they would stop. And so they did, fortunately.

"Okay, let's cut it there," the man suddenly said. "Good work today, Sheila."

"Thanks," she said, panting as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. She waved quickly towards us before shortening the distance between her and Edward and I. "Hi," she almost sang happily, her happy pitch reminded me of Alice.

I stubbornly ignored the stab in my heart as she dropped the racquet she held in her hand to throw her arms around Edward. He kissed her cheek warmly, and I fought the urge of running out through the door. This sucked. Watching both of them share hugs and kisses while looking happy as hell. They were happy together, Edward made her happy, Sheila made him happy. Maybe I should just screw the entire idea, and be selfless for once.

But I couldn't. Because I would do _anything _to switch places with Sheila. Apparently, I was even willing to jeopardize their engagement for it. Who was I? A cold-hearted fiancé-thief?

"Bella, it's so great you could come!" Sheila exclaimed while pulling away from Edward's engaged.

"It's nice to be here," I lied. _I detest sports. What am I doing here? _

"She's lying," Edward told her with a low chuckle. I glared at him.

Sheila playfully punched his shoulder. "Edward's told me you're not into sports…"

"Well, frankly, I'm not," I admitted. _Honesty, I can go far with honesty. No, wait, so why am I not telling her I'm in love with her fiancé?_

"You've ever played racquetball?" Her tone was so friendly! So sugar sweet, honey, just like her stupid curls. _How could she be so perfect? _She was _nice _to me, to _Bella_! Who was nice to Bella, besides her weird friends and mental faux-boyfriend (who wasn't even nice)?

I shook my head. "No, I haven't. My relationships to racquets are never long."

She laughed. "Edward, did you bring the racquet for Bella?" she asked him.

His hands were empty – she must have seen that. She knew the answer before asking. "Shoot. I'll be right back, it's in the car," Edward excused himself with.

"You _always _forget," Sheila complained with an angelic laugh that made shivers race down my spine. How did she do that?

And that was when I noticed it. And it squeezed the breath out of my lungs. As if someone had kicked me hard between the ribs. First pain, and then the urge of _needing _to breathe. But it was impossible; the pain was in the way, blocking everything. My lungs, broken.

She squatted Edward's shoulder before he turned to the door, a ring glistening on the third finger of her left hand. _The engagement ring_. It tasted like poison in my head, bitter, associated with only more pain.

It was a big diamond, no ring that I had ever seen could compare to this one. It was made of silver, maybe white gold. And of course the big diamond in the middle. It simplicity made it more beautiful than any ring I had ever seen. The ring Renée had gotten from Phil faded in comparison to this one. That ring was almost a joke, set next to Sheila's.

The ring was a promise. A promise of that Edward _knew _that he would always have eyes for only her, and no one else. A promise of that he would _never_ replace her, because he would always love her. He loved her like he loved no one else. Sheila was the girl in his dreams, the one thought always in the back of his head, the face he saw whenever he closed his eyes. Of course it was. And it was not my face he pictured whenever we were separated, because I was simply his friend.

But I was a friend who happened to have known him longer, better and more thorough than Sheila! I knew that! And I would never admit anything else! She couldn't know him better than me. Even if she spent every day when I had been away questioning him on everything from his favorite food to what he found creepy, she wouldn't have gotten to know him better than me. Because I knew Edward inside and out. I knew that he laughed his mismatched socks off whenever I imitated a baby. I knew that he screamed like a girl when we watched horror movies. I knew that he carefully removed the cheese on his pizza before eating it. I knew that he was allergic to carrots. I knew that his favorite color was blue. I knew how defensive he got when it came to his hair. I knew how much his car meant to him. And I knew how he loved doing nothing, simply hanging out. Sheila couldn't possibly know him as I did. She didn't love him like I did. I loved him for _exactly _the one he was.

I could swear my eyes were wide as saucers as I stared at the ring for several heartbeats, and a light laughter broke my trance.

"Isn't it beautiful?" she whispered as there was a light thud a few feet away – Edward leaving the court, closing the door. "I love it." She proudly held out her left hand, as if I hadn't seen it already. The diamond sparkled in the dim lights of the court, it was impossible to not see its simple beauty.

"It is beautiful," I breathed, the pain stinging in my every breath. Edward had given her a ring like that. My bracelet faded in comparison to the stone in the middle. Edward had given Sheila a _real_ diamond. Silver was nothing compared to diamonds. A sparkling diamond, a constant reminder that Edward would always love her. Crap.

"You're not gonna believe how romantic it was," Sheila mused. "It was so thought through of him, so sweet. You're so lucky to have him as a best friend." _Tell me something I didn't already know. _"He was so shrewd all day, insisting on us going away for hiking…"

"Hiking?" I wondered questioningly.

She nodded. "I know. For me it sounded weird in the beginning too. Especially when he took me to his car and started driving to the highway. And then he stopped at this lovely trail, insisting we'd walk through the forest…"

I had heard this before, I was sure, but where? The entire scenery seemed so familiar. Creepingly familiar. I knew it. But from where?

"It took a while, my legs were aching though I didn't tell him. But it was worth the walk. He led me to this _beautiful _meadow…" _The meadow… _

My heart stopped. My body froze. My brain stopped working. The blood ceased to flow to my head. Even my eyes quit blinking. _The meadow_?

So much pain, the same clawing pain, burned my insides again. Though this time, the form of it was more concentrated. It was especially prominent around my heart, preventing me to breath thoroughly.

I couldn't believe what I had just heard. It couldn't be true. It couldn't possibly be true. I wouldn't allow it to be true. It couldn't be like that. Edward couldn't have taken Sheila to the meadow. Where he had taken me about six months before, on my eighteenth birthday…

It had to be the same one as he'd taken me to. Of course it was the same. A meadow, one hour of hiking to get to it, a trail, taking the highway to get there… He had proposed to Sheila in the meadow.

It was the perfect place for a proposal – I couldn't deny that. It was where _I _would have wanted he proposed to me. But I felt betrayed as I heard that it was there he had asked her to marry him. What if he had taken others there? I had thought that place was _ours_, that it was a secret that rested among us. But of course I was wrong, as always I was wrong when it came to Edward. How could I have thought those kisses had meant anything to him? They _hadn't_, I knew that now. He didn't think a squad of me that way, nor would he ever do. Because he had Sheila – the woman who made him happy.

That place would always be special to me, always, always, _always_. He had _almost _kissed me there; our lips had been only inches away. His breath had fanned across my face for crying out loud! So close, but yet so far away. Now it only seemed like a stupid coincidence. Of course it was. Who would want to kiss ugly Bella? No one.

But he had! He _had _kissed me! Twice! I hadn't forgotten, I'd never forget. Never, ever! Was it childish to still hope he liked me? He had taken her to the meadow. He might as well just have dragged her to Las Vegas next weekend to get married, just to show everyone they belonged to each other.

What had I actually been expecting? Sheila was his _fiancée_. Of course he would take her to the meadow. He loved her so much more than he liked me. Maybe he'd even regretted taking me there. Maybe he thought of the meadow as his and Sheila's place now, and not his and mine.

It was so stupid of me to hope that that place had been our special one. A place where he would only take me. How could I be so naïve? Of course it wasn't like that. I was his friend, simply his friend. Nothing more. How could I have been so extremely stupid?

"All of the flowers, it was so _beautiful_!" _Stab. _"And then he'd done a picnic for us, right there, in the middle of the meadow!" _Stab, stab. _"We had lunch together, it was so romantic." _Stab, stab, stab. _"And then he offered me a box of chocolates, and in the middle of it, he'd removed a chocolate and placed the ring there instead!" _Stab, stab, stab, stab, STAB, STAB, STAB, STAB! _

"That sounds… great," I managed to mumble.

"I know it was," she said quickly. Her gaze averted towards the ceiling, revealing that she was in a dream-like state. Perhaps dreaming back to the day when he had proposed. I envied her with every cell in my body. I longed to be in her clothes, to _know _that Edward loved me. That epitomized my paradise; it was where I wanted to be. In his arms, whispering to him that my feelings would never change, and a confirmation from him: that his wouldn't either.

"I wish I'd met him earlier, it feels like I was wasting my times with boys before… You're really, really, lucky to have him as a best friend."

"I know," I said, trying my best to not retort in her face to shut the fuck up.

"I wish I were you," she suddenly said with a faint smile on her lips.

Why would she want to be me? I wasn't going to marry the best person in the entire world, she was. I was simply his friend, and would be nothing more. Sheila was the one who got to kiss him, hold him tight, hear that he loved her. So why would she want to be me? The one who didn't get any of that. "What? Why?" I demanded. "You're the one marrying him."

"You should hear him talking of you, Bella. It's so obvious you're his closest friend, that he tells you everything." This warmed my chest. For the split of a second, the heavy burden of that he didn't love me _that _way was removed from my shoulders. Did he speak of me with her?

The warmth continued to spread – I recognized it as happiness. This was how I had felt after he had kissed me both times. Hope lightened my soul inside. Maybe it would be enough that he didn't love me the way I loved him. As long as I knew he trusted me, wanted me as a friend.

"He talks about me?" I wondered quietly.

"You bet he talks about you," she said with a laugh. "When you lived in Paris, he was always talking about you. It didn't go a day without him mentioning you. And the look on his face when he talks of you… I wish he spoke of me like that…"

I didn't know what to say. Did Edward… speak of me? With Sheila? Did Edward Anthony Cullen speak of me with his fiancée? Me? Bella Swan? The geek with brown hair? Surely, I had to be dreaming. Sheila couldn't be telling me this – it was simply a hallucination, and it wasn't even a nice hallucination! It would only hurt afterwards, having heard all of Sheila's words in my imagination. It would hurt knowing what _could _exist, but what didn't.

Another weak, half-hearted, smile swept across her beautiful, perfectly symmetrical, face, as if to assure me that what she was saying really was true. She must have seen the look of doubting astonishment in my eyes.

"He-he speaks of me?" I stuttered. The critical part of me was warning me to sink deeper in to the subject, knowing the disappointment that would come afterwards. But the other part of me, the hopeful one that would never let go of Edward, was in ecstasy. It went from being a happy, bouncing, person, jumping inside of me, to transforming into one big, fat, oven, heating me everywhere.

She nodded slowly, the smile not having left her face. There was something tragic over it; a melancholy that I now noticed had never really drained from her eyes. "Boy does he speak of you," she said with a little laugh, fidgeting with the racquet in her hand. "Bella, he speaks of you all the time. You should know that he really appreciates being your friend. And especially how good you've taken me into your life, and so quickly. If I would have been in your clothes, I wouldn't have taken it like you have."

And then I realized, that there was no competition between Sheila and I. And there had never been. And there never would be. It had all been inside my hand, and waves of embarrassment instantly rolled over me.

Sheila would never try to take him away from me, she never would. Her eyes revealed it all. She was _good_, unlike me who tried to steal her fiancé. Sheila understood that Edward and my friendship was so genuine, that she couldn't attempt to being in the way.

I couldn't dislike Sheila, not any longer. It would eat me from inside, not liking someone as pure as she was.

_But she is stealing Edward from me! _The other part of me screamed. _She's _marrying _him! And she thinks you're okay with it. _I couldn't push that away, I simply couldn't.

If Edward talked of me, and liked me, so much, then why had he taken Sheila to the meadow? There were still open, fleshy, wounds inside of me, the aftermath of Sheila's words. They would never heal completely, scars never faded. Especially not scars as the ones I would be exposed to.

I plastered on a humble façade. What I wanted was to run away and cry.

"It's nothing, I've done nothing special…"

"You have," she protested.

A short silence was broken when Edward open the door with a low creak. Holding two racquets in his hands, he looked sportier than ever – _hotter_ than ever.

The melancholic look on Sheila's face drained away immediately. "That took some time," she playfully commented, smiling afterwards.

And then, the torture started. Racquetball was truly the worst sport I had ever tried. Worse and harder than both badminton and soccer, I bit my lip to not complain over how difficult it was. I couldn't, not when Sheila had been so nice to me.

It required that both Edward and Sheila instructed me, it turned out. Sheila never seemed to realize that I was a hopeless case when it came to sports; a positive halo was always hovering over her. It was easier to realize then, why Edward had proposed to her. She was so spontaneous (in a good way), so effortless, so kind, so generous, and of course strikingly beautiful, even teaching someone like me how to play racquetball.

Sometimes Sheila was a bit impatient though, which made me impatient. Every time I missed hitting the ball over to the other side of the court, I blamed myself for being so much worse than Sheila at doing everything. From playing racquetball to writing books, getting Edward…

I was on the verge of tears as Sheila finally told us that her time on the court was up. There was no medication to the pain ruining my heart from inside.

But Edward's smile made me feel better, and the thought of what Sheila had told me before actually lit a spark of light in my heart, otherwise captured in black obscurity.

**A/N: Wooha, that was **_**really **_**low of Edward. How could he? Stupid, blind, boy. EDWARD WHY DID YOU TAKE SHEILA TO THE MEADOW? ANSWER US!! NOW!!! NO EXCUSES!!!**

**ATTENTION!**** So, j5girl31012 came with the lovely idea of sending out previews! All reviewers get one, so make sure to review! If you absolutely don't want to review, then PM me and I'll send you one. I don't want to force you to review, even though I'd like it very much. **

**So, I don't know anything about racquetball, forgive me if I have gotten something wrong. **

**Review more****!!! Please! Don't forget the previews ;)**

**Ps. HAPPY NEW YEAR! **


	14. Late Phone Call

**Disclaimer: Do I really need one? Everybody knows I don't own twilight. **

Chapter 14

Late Phone Call

At eleven sharp the next morning, Jacob called. We chatted casually for a few moments, and I was careful to not mention anything about Edward, nor Sheila for that part.

"You're invited to my party," he suddenly said cheerfully.

I raised my eyebrows at his words. "You're throwing a _party_?" I teased skeptically. "Jacob Black is throwing a party? Do you even have friends enough to have a party?"

Jacob didn't throw parties. It had to be a joke.

"Ha. Ha. Ha." He obviously didn't find my answer funny enough to laugh thoroughly at. "And just for your information, I _do _have friends enough to throw a party. Totally."

"Relatives not included," I pointed out.

"Hey! That is _so _not a rule," he protested. "It's allowed to invite relatives to your party!"

I snorted. "Jake, face it. You can't throw a party. It's time to give up hope."

"You forgot one important thing. My party is a _two_-men party. And it starts in…" He paused, and I imagined him averting his gaze to the big black clock in his kitchen. "Well, it starts now actually. You're _late_."

I laughed briefly, shaking my head at him. "Woosh, maybe next time you could send the invites out earlier. Oh, sorry, I meant the _invite_." I was careful to drag out the syllables in the last word.

"Don't bully me because I haven't friends enough to throw a party."

"No promises," I teased again. Simply by speaking on the phone with him, I felt a lot better. I was no longer lonely, upset, heartbroken, Bella. Now I was fun, reckless Bella. The Bella that belonged to Jacob. "Should I dress up?" I added ironically.

"Yes, it's a costume party actually. Swimsuit is the theme…"

"You wish," I retorted impulsively. "I'll dress up as a ghost. I'm going to scare your socks off."

"You won't succeed, I'm too cool to get scared by Bella covered in a sheet."

"There will be _blood_ on the sheet."

"Not scary enough," he sang. "Plus you're sensitive to blood."

"Ketchup is blood in my world."

"I'll start counting the seconds in three…"

I sighed in irritation. "Jake, _please _no seconds this time."

"3…"

"Jacob…"

"2…"

"Black!"

"1…"

"Oh, very well," I muttered indifferently. "I'll hurry."

"You better, I've already started counting."

I shook my head at his silliness before hanging up to search for a sheet that I could smear in ketchup. I found one descent enough to the use of scaring Jacob, and then counted to eighty-one before I ate a banana, just to irritate him in his counting. For once, I thought he could get a little impatient while waiting for me.

I pressed the truck's speed limit to La Push though, eager to see him. He always managed to get my mind off of Edward, and everything concerning him. I missed Alice a lot too, and hoped that Jacob's company would ease the aching pain of something missing inside. Jacob was like a band-aid.

I didn't use him to get over Edward and Alice's absence, that was _not _the case. I loved Jacob for the one he was, and I loved spending time with him, and not only because he could diminish my pain. He was funny, sweet and cool, too. Even though I felt like blowing his head up sometimes.

A sullen Jacob came to greet me as I pulled up in front of his house.

"Not cool, Bells," he complained as I stepped out with the sheet in my hand. "I stopped counting at 1000."

I didn't answer, since I had noticed that the theme of our two-men party had been serious. Jacob was wearing a pair of yellow flip-flops, together with red swim trunks. Nothing more, if an impressive washboard stomach doesn't count as clothing of course. And how could he manage to build up those biceps? I couldn't lie, Jacob looked good without a shirt… very good. Nothing compared to Edward without a shirt, of course (not that I had seen him without a shirt since, like, two years ago), but still, very impressive.

He obviously didn't bother that it was March, nor that it was _freezing _outside. Even in my jacket I was cold.

My eyes widened at the sight of him, and I shook my head in disbelief. Wasn't he cold?

"What the hell are you wearing?" I exclaimed. "Jake it's _March_."

"Shit, Bella, don't be so hard on me. This was a_ costume _party, _without _Halloween. Sorry to break the news, but the time of ghosts is over."

"Let's get inside, you must be freezing," I quickly said while covering my face and torso with the sheet, letting Jake lead me to the door. "What do you think of the blood?" I asked him as I heard the door close behind us.

"Cool. Doesn't look very real though. Though for being Bella I guess it'll do."

"I think my costume is cooler than yours."

"That's so not true. I mean, check out these swim trunks!" he said, while jumping a bit on the fragile floor. "Killer trunks! Chicks dig these, Bell."

"Ha!" I said while taking off the sheet from my head. "No girl would ever fall for a guy wearing swim trunks in March. They'll just think you're weird, and creepy."

"So?" He shrugged. "It's not like it's cold."

I dropped the sheet to the floor.

"You don't think it's _cold_." He shook his head. "Jacob Black you're insane."

He grinned. "I know."

"That's not good," I reminded him.

"Depends on who you ask."

There was a break in our conversation, in which I decided to knock myself out on his small couch.

He sat down beside me with a light "thump". There was not much space between us on the small couch. "So, how's your _Edward-lovin' _going then."

The question caught me off guard, and my eyes widened. We could talk about _anything _but that. Not of Edward. Not since I had found out that he had taken Sheila to the meadow.

I shouldn't have been hurt that he had taken here there, _proposed _there, but I was. I was hurt like I had never been before. In my silly, bizarre, dreams, the meadow had been _our _place, and I had thought that it would remain as that. The thought of that I had been wrong made tears form in my eyes.

"_Shut up!_" I growled at him.

"Make me," he challenged, grinning. Maybe he didn't understand that the topic of Edward was sensitive right now.

In my desperation, I tried punching his face. He stopped my fist in his hand five inches from his face and shook his head. "Wow, Bells, I didn't know you were the one to hit people."

My hands clenched into fists in desperation. "Please, shut up for at least ten seconds so I can collect myself."

He raised one eyebrow. "Hey, I was only kidding," he said softly. "I'm sorry if I hurt you… I didn't know it was worse now…"

"It is worse," I muttered. "It's shitty and broken and it sucks more than anything has ever done before. I want to die," I groaned, hiding my face with my hand.

"Don't say that," he said seriously. "You don't want to die. If you die, then who will be my Forks-friend? You don't want me to end up alone, with Dad, right? And that's one less for me to invite to my party. If relatives don't count, I mean."

His words made me smile a little behind the mask I had created with my hands. I sighed silently, letting huge waves of Jacob-ness roll over me. He calmed me, made me realize that there was nothing I could do about the fact that Edward had taken Sheila to the meadow. I couldn't travel back in time to break her ankle so that she would be unable to walk that day. That day, where I had probably been lying on the rug in Alice's room, brooding about him. What would I have done then, if I had known what was going on in _our _meadow in Forks? Not even Alice would be able to make me feel better then.

It was good for me to realize that the harm was already done, that I needed to let go. Because I needed to let go. I would go insane, worrying like I was in that moment.

I knew that I wouldn't have been able to let it go without Jacob. If I had been alone in my room, waiting for sleep to find me, I would never have succeeded. Because Edward was always on my mind, almost itching, when I wasn't with Jacob, or talked to Alice. They were my distractions.

"But, what's wrong? Seriously?" he wondered again, using the same soft voice as before. It was velvet, caressing almost. The open wounds inside healed a bit as his words sank in. Breathing was easier. It was easier to deal with the fact that Edward probably was with Sheila at the same time I was sitting in a small couch with Jacob, fighting the urge of bursting into tears.

"Everything," I mumbled. There was a pause. "Well, not everything… I'm just a bit overwhelmed… I saw her ring yesterday…" Jacob whistled lowly. "And it was so beautiful, and I was so jealous… And he'd taken her to our meadow to propose." My voice cracked on the last word and I leaned back against the couch in agony, grabbing fists of my hair in a hard grip.

He patted my shoulder carefully, and then slowly pried my clenched fists loose from the hair they held. His hands were warm, comforting.

"Thank you," I sighed.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he wondered quietly, the same soft edge to his voice still there. Why couldn't he always talk to me like that?

I shook my head. I'd rather not…"

"It's cool."

"Thanks, Jake. You know sometimes I'm really not grateful enough for having you as a friend."

"Coming to my parties is enough," he said playfully. "It will feel better, Bells," he assured me after a few more moments of silence.

I chewed on my lower lip before answering. "I'm not sure about that…"

"But what's up with this? If you really like him so much, then why didn't you tell him before you went to Paris?" he wondered, with no idea how much I had also brooded over his suggestion. If I had only told Edward that time in the meadow, perhaps, or after the first time he'd kissed me, _I _would be in Sheila's place right now. The engagement might have been left out, but otherwise Sheila's place would have been mine.

The thought let loose so much more pain inside, and I felt more helpless than ever. How could I have been so stupid? I had wanted the same thing six months ago as I wanted now. I wanted Edward to realize that I was best for him, better than Sheila. So why hadn't I told him? There was a possibility that as soon as the words were out of my mouth, we could be together. And Sheila wouldn't even be able to protest, because she didn't even know there lived an Edward Cullen in town.

Sheila shouldn't be engaged to someone like Edward. He was just as flawless as her in a way, but not in the same way. With her shocking beauty, she suited as a model maybe. Someone who would be married to a politician, a successful baseball player.

Why did it have to hurt so much? Couldn't the pain ease just a little bit, so waking up in the morning would be easier? It would be almost effortless to smile more often, it would be a cakewalk to actually value the few moments I had left with Edward.

I was glad Sheila wasn't in school. It was impossible for her to interfere there, she couldn't. Edward and I could be alone. I could admire him alone, his face, his eyes, his smile… In school, it was actually quite easy to forget that he was engaged. On so many occasions, life got back to normal again. Our natural friendship was in full bloom there, no obstacles waited around the corner.

"I don't know," I mumbled to Jake's question. "I'm too much of a coward, I'd probably chicken out…"

"You must regret it now."

"You have no idea," I said lowly.

I was glad that Jacob decided to pick me out of the grey, unhappy, bubble that I had been in the next moment. He dragged me to First Beach, still wearing his swim trunks, insisting on me watching him taking a swim.

"You're insane, you know that?" I said between giggles while he kicked of his flip-flops.

"As long as you're the only one who knows about it, I'm actually fine with being insane, as you like to put it." I shook my head at his silliness. "Hard to believe I know," he continued, while gasping at the cold sand between his toes. "Shit, this is cold."

I tucked the fabric of my jacket closer to my torso. "I can imagine."

"_Oh my god!_" he yelled as one of his feet were placed into the blank water. "_Shit!_" Several other curses were out of his mouth as he now stood with both feet in the water.

I giggled quietly at his silly attempts of impressing me – because I knew that was the point behind his show – and watched as he swam for exactly three seconds. He then got up from the water as a rocket, frantically gripping the towel that he had left on the wet sand. Shivering, he muttered that I could at least show a bit more enthusiasm the next time.

"_Next time_," I asked doubtingly. "Jake you're gonna get sick."

"Nah, I won't," he protested. "This was nothing."

"I don't even want to _feel _the water," I muttered. "Even for being Jacob, that _had _to be cold."

I drove home a few hours later, feeling cheery. Jacob had made me laugh, as always. My mood was so good, that I actually attempted to solve the extra Calculus homework Mr. Varner had insisted on giving me. He had mumbled something about it being easier for me in the next class, if I did the extra assignments he'd given me. Charlie couldn't help of course, so I prepared for an hour of hard thinking as I went up to my room.

An important game aired that night – Charlie rushed through the dinner I'd made him. I decided to join him in front of the TV, and let my mind focus on the small players on the screen instead. Charlie was loud next to me, and I went to pop some popcorn when his yells became a little too much.

I went to bed early afterwards, wanting to see Edward the following day as quickly as possible.

.

And there it was. The distant sound of my cell phone ringing. In a dark room. In the middle of the night. Waking me. This reminded me of that I was _really _going to start turning my cell phone off at nights. "Wannabe" was more annoying than it ever had been. I was going to kill the one who dared to wake me at this time.

I fumbled a bit with the phone before my hand could fully grab it, and pressed the ignore-button. No way that I was answering right now.

Or so I thought. As I, with a light huff, snuggled into my warm covers again, the old Spice Girls' hit started to play again. _Oh no._

"_What is it?_" I growled angrily into my phone.

"Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella!" Alice's high-pitched voice yelled into my ear. I instinctively removed the phone from it, since her high voice made a distant ringing appear. If it had been Jake, I would have killed him. I couldn't kill Alice; she was an entire country and ocean away.

"I'm here, at your service," I answered groggily, overwhelmed with fatigue while forcing myself to look at the clock. "Which includes me to remind you that it's four in the morning. Why the hell are you calling me now?"

"Bella you 'ave no idea what Jasper 'as given me! It is our anniversary today, one year! And you cannot _guess_ what he gave me!"

"I bet I can't," I muttered, not realizing that Alice's news were good not only for her, but for me as well.

I couldn't believe that it had only been _a week _since I had moved back from Paris. Time had passed by like a fast airplane, never before had I experienced that seven days could seem so much more like seven _weeks_. Alice was further away than ever. Even though my mind was mostly preoccupied by Edward, and everything involving him for that matter, there was also time for my head to drift away to those almost perfect moments on her bed, talking, studying, laughing, reading, playing…

Alice was ultimate. The one friend I had been missing for my entire life, and magically found by co-incidence. The thought of how my stay in Paris would have been without her sent shivers of fear and agony down my spine. School would have been one big pain. Worse.

"I'M COMING TO FORKS BELLA! IN THREE WEEKS!"

I dropped the cell phone. On the floor. The shock of what she had just said stunned me. I cussed loudly while fumbling after it, not fully understanding what just had been screamed in my head. Alice was coming to Forks? Jasper had given her tickets? Was she coming in three weeks?

A bubbly, warm, tickling, feeling spread throughout my body, coming from the pit of my stomach. _I would see Alice… _

I managed to grab the phone on the floor, and directly put it back hard against my ear again.

"Y-you're coming t-to Forks?" Pause. "In three w-weeks?" Pause. "Jasper gave you t-tickets?" My breathing increased gradually between the sentences. "Y-you're coming? Here?"

"_Oui, Bella, oui!_ I am coming!"

The fatigue that had tortured me mere seconds ago was instantly nothing but a memory. I was more awake than ever, being pleasantly uplifted to happiness. _Alice_. _She was coming to Forks… _

Suddenly everything was bearable again. I could take it, I knew I could – I _had _to. And I would be able to; I knew I would, because Alice would come. In three weeks, in so little time, she would be coming. To Forks. To me. And she would stay. At least for a little while.

"You're really coming?" I breathed. The thought of Alice introduced to my life in Forks was thrilling. She would see Charlie! She would see Jacob. And Angela. And Ben. And Jessica. And Edward… She would see Edward! I knew they would get along; _of course _they would get along. Edward spoke French. Alice _was _French. Pure perfection. Finally something to look forward to in my otherwise miserable life. A burning, flickering, candle in a cave filled with velvet darkness. A light of solace, a spark of consolation.

"I am coming, Bella! I promise I am coming! Jasper 'as ze tickets! 'E as showed me! 'E is coming too, Bella. 'E misses you, well not as much as I miss you, but almost. We are coming Bella, ze 30th. We are coming zen, and we can see each other."

Her words made small drops of moisture form in my dry eyes. This was tears of joy. I would no longer shed tears of unreciprocated love. I wouldn't.

"Jasper 'as a cousin in Seattle, so 'e will stay zere for a few days, but zen 'e will come to us!"

"YES!" I yelled on top of my lungs. "Alice you're coming!" I rose from the bed, and started walking frantically back and forth in the room. "Oh, Alice, I miss you so much! I can't believe you're coming. _Finally!_"

"I know, I know," Alice's excited voice was yelling on the other line. "I know, Bella! I am coming! We are coming! _Dans trois semaines!_"

The idea of Alice arriving here had been so distant in my mind. Never would I have expected her to come _here_, my plan was that it would be natural for _me _to be the one to take a few days off from school. And so soon after my departure! I had prepared to wait for months, maybe even a year before we would see each other again. And she was coming in three weeks; in so little time she would be _here_! in my room!

I knew that I would be able to handle my miserable situation with Edward now, because Alice was coming. She was my solution; everything would work out when she came. I knew it – I sensed it. Alice vacuum cleaned away all gray, unhappy, thoughts from my mind. She was like a fresh wind of spring, blowing away everything I struggled with.

"Oh my god, you're coming!" I exclaimed, still walking quickly in a small circle. "_Here!_"

"I know, Bella I know!"

"You can stay at my house, Al, I'm sure Charlie wouldn't mind! And Jazz, too, he can stay here, we have room!"

"And you can take me to your school."

"And to Jacob."

"And to _Edward_…"

"Edward knows French."

"We can go shopping together again!"

"And we can go to La Push, and visit Jacob!"

"We can throw out old clothes."

"You can help me with Calculus!"

"I'll bring Carambar!"

"Oh, you will?" I said hopefully. The French candy was my heaven. "I've eaten all I took with me."

"I'll buy you more, Bella!"

"Alice, I miss you, I can't wait for you to come!"

"Neizer can I, Bella."

I decided to not tell Alice about the meadow. She had a lot on her mind anyway, and I suspected that most of it was my problems. I didn't want to worry her further with my futile attempts of getting Edward's attention. It seemed as if all I could tell her were things about Edward, and I didn't like only talking about myself. Jacob had already gotten to know how I felt in the moment; there was no need to tell the entire world.

Her happy voice was so comforting as we talked; it made the flickering candle in the dark cave grow to a crackling fire. When Alice came, everything would work out. I had to make it through this short, three, weeks, and then she would come. It would be alright.

I was forced to hang up a few moments later. An angry Charlie burst into my room, preaching and shouting about that he was getting up early the following morning and that I would have to take those "goddamn phone calls", as he'd put it, the next day. A bit modest, I returned to my bed, snickering a bit. It didn't matter that Charlie had been angry, it couldn't matter less. Alice was coming to Forks!

**A/N: I know there's loads of conversation in this one, but it's because I've had some trouble writing. My mind's been elsewhere. And also, Jake is NOT in love with Bella in this fic.**

**THE PREVIEW THING WAS WORKING!!! SO I'M CONTINUING WITH IT!!! Thanks all golden reviewers, you rock!!! And congratulations everyone who guessed right (it was like everyone, I thought I'd left a cliff hanger, but oh no. This preview will be better, more cliffy!), it was plane tickets! Jasper's such an angel! **

**Please, please, keep reviewing! You'll get a preview! ;) Would you believe that I got 27 reviews all together, and 25 on chapter 13? SO COOL! Love you reviewers! Keep telling me your opinion!**

**Ps. Thanks Isabela is Online for the word 'reciprocated' (if you remember). :D**


	15. Cat Fight

**Disclaimer: Do I really need one? Everybody knows I don't own twilight. **

Chapter 15

Cat Fight

I went to school the following day with an aching fatigue torturing me. After Alice's phone call, it had taken me hours to fall asleep; my head had been spinning so fast. Unable to concentrate on trying to sleep, I had focused on everything involving her near arrival here. My guesses were that I'd been able to receive a maximum of sixty minutes more sleep.

It was hard to concentrate in class, and I was practically sleeping at lunch. My forehead was resting against the polished surface of the, now new, table, as the sound of the other's distant voices discussing filled my ears.

When the other started to leave, I took that as a sign that our meal had come to an end. It was too bad; I would have enjoyed more time to half-sleep.

"Bella, could I speak to you?" Jessica suddenly wondered, as I went to put away my tray. "Alone," she added, as if to assure everyone else at the table to not accompany me to my next class.

"Sure," I replied hesitantly, wondering what she could possibly want to tell me that no one else could know about. "Sure, we can talk."

"Good," she said, obviously relieved, as the others rose from the table with their trays.

Edward left my side as we left the cafeteria, and told me that he'd be waiting at my locker. The thought of that he would wait for me made me warm, and sweaty. He smiled one last time before he left, and I let my gaze rake over him for a few moments. He was so gorgeous.

Jess gave me a puzzled gaze as I tore my eyes away from Edward's walking form. She looked from me, to Edward, and back to me again. "Are you guys…?" she began hesitantly, and I shook my head.

"No we're not," I said quickly, hoping she wouldn't realize how much I _wanted_ it to be like that. I needed to be careful, was it really that clear that I loved him? What gave me away? The looks I gave him? How I always listened to him when he spoke to me? The fact that I probably followed him around like a tail?

"Anyway," she started, not bothering about my longing gaze towards Edward. "I was wondering…" Her gaze shifted to the floor, and up to my face again. "You're dating Mike, right?"

My mind went blank as I froze. _Jessica knew? How could she know? Why was she asking if I was dating him?_ My mind wandered back to the day exactly a week ago in Biology, when I had asked Mike out. Had anyone heard? No, that couldn't be right. We had been sitting in the rear of the classroom, I had seen how everyone's gazes had been fixated on the whiteboard up front, or the person sitting next to them. It was impossible that someone could have overheard us. I wouldn't have asked him out then and there, if there had been a possibility of anyone else hearing us. The last thing I wanted was people to think that _I _had taken the initiative when it came to me and Mike.

Had he told her? Before the date perhaps? I was sure he wouldn't have afterwards; the situation had been too disastrous. What if he had told others? Ears didn't want to hear, Lauren for an example. If she knew I was dating (or _had_ been dating Mike), then I wouldn't bear the embarrassment. She actually saw what a weirdo he was – I knew she realized that. Lauren had always kept a distance from him, never spoken more than a few sentences to him…

Where did she want to come by asking me if I was dating Mike? It was the truth, right? I'd gotten myself into asking him out, and now I would have to deal with the aftermath of that decision. If it meant that Jessica would have to believe I had passionate emotions for him, then she would have to think so. What did it even matter anyway? She wasn't my real friend, just someone who'd started to hang out with me as I returned from Paris.

Was there a purpose behind wanting to hang out with me? Why did she even start talking to me? She had treated me, almost, like air before Renée had forced me to pack, and move in with her. Did she want me to send after some special, French, clothing for her? Did she assume I knew all stores in Paris inside and out now? Jessica liked fashion… Maybe not as enthusiastically as Alice, but almost.

I bit down hard on my lower lip before I answered, wanting to go through the answer in my head before it slipped out. I didn't want to mess this up. "Uh, yeah. Yeah, I guess I am… dating Mike." _Ew! Ugh! _

"Oh," she then said, and the little spark that had been in her eyes before disappeared. I could see it. Jessica's eyes were usually bright. They weren't anymore. Why?

"How did you know?" I wondered. "Just out of curiosity," I added quickly, thinking that maybe the sentence before had been too rude.

And then it dawned for me. Why her eyes had stopped shining as I had confirmed that Mike and I were dating. And it disgusted me.

_Jessica liked Mike? _

The nausea spread from the pit of my stomach. My eyebrows suddenly raised as far as up to my hairline.

_How could she like him? How could she actually _like _him? Mike? Disgusting Mike? How could she want that garlic-smelling guy with vicious hair? Had she even sat close to him? Smelled his breath? Jessica Stanley liked Mike Newton? _Mike _had been the one to vandalize the cafeteria; she couldn't know that if she liked him. _

The questions to myself started flying around, too. Was I going to tell her? Would it be mean to say the truth? For her best, maybe? Maybe she would thank me, for warning her. Nothing good could come out of liking bad guys. Not that I had any experience of liking guys that were bad (more of the opposite, bad guys liking _me_)(okay, bad _guy_, no plural).

"_You like him?_" I blurted out mindlessly, not thinking before I let the words leave my mouth.

Jessica's spark quickly came back, and she glared at me with such hostility I thought she'd be Lauren trapped inside another girl's body. "Sorry, Bella, but _shut up_! I don't want anyone to hear, it's worse as it is already." Her voice turned softer as the last words were spoken.

"Are you sure?" I demanded desperately, not wanting any harm to come to her. Jessica was nice, even though I found it strange she'd so suddenly started catching up with me again. Mike was bad, more than bad. Jess actually deserved better than that, even though she could be a little shallow babbling-machine. Not very unlike Alice. Well, if you saw through the past that Alice was my best friend, and never would like a guy like Mike.

And Alice was coming to Forks! So soon, in just three weeks. Jessica was suddenly no longer in front of me – I was in Paris again. With Alice, the two of us together. We were laughing, and her laughter was so clear in my ears. I was laughing too, and enjoying every bit of it. God, what I missed it. I was happy.

Jessica decided "Yes, I'm sure," Jess said in a tired voice, her eyes pleading. "But don't tell anyone, okay?"

"How can you like him? How? Jess, do you _know _Mike Newton? _Behind _the baby-boy, blue-eyed, charade?" My head wasn't connected to my mouth any longer. It threw out everything that I could connect with Mike, not bothering of the obvious consequences. Of course it didn't. It was Bella's usual tactlessness, nothing but bad charisma.

Jess would hate me after this. I would die if anyone was insulting Edward while talking to me.

"Seriously, Jess. He's bad – believe me. I know it's not the first impression you get… but he is, I swear he is. He…" I stopped dead, right there. _You can_not _tell anyone!_ an angry voice yelled at me from inside. _You can't, Bella! You don't even want to do that to Mike; you're breaking his promise. Anything but that. _"He's bad, Jess."

She glared at me accusingly. "What do you mean? You're the one who's friggin' dating him? Did you just forget that?"

"Uh…" She had a point. No, she had _all _points. What was I doing? Was I insulting the guy I was pretending to date? That was everything but believable. I had to work on that lie a bit, make it better. What would have happened if _Edward_ had asked about Mike? He would have realized in a minute. Wouldn't even have to blink to see that I was lying, just as bad as usual. "I… Um, well, I-I… Y'know. Uh…" I babbled, and felt how my eyes widened in their sockets. What was I doing? Oh, right, _ruining _everything I'd built up. Lovely, Bella all the way.

"You?" Jess wondered, and I felt the irritated side to her voice breaking free. "Don't want me to like Mike?" she filled in for me. "What? It's not like he's your property or something."

"_Excuse me_," I interrupted. "_I'm _the one dating him, remember?"

Oh my god. I couldn't believe I was having this conversation. I was fighting. With Jessica. Over a boy. Who wasn't Edward. And I didn't even like him! I despised him! How did I get into this? Anyone? _Anyone _with an answer?

"That doesn't have to mean I can't like him."

"Though what it _does_ mean, is that you can't have him. Because _I'm _dating him."

"Have you ever heard of dating more than one persons at a time. Oh, right, now you _haven't_." She curled her lips around the last word. I knew exactly what she meant. That I had never dated more than two persons. And yeah, maybe I hadn't. Not even dated one… I'd only just pretended to date one. Ouch. Really, that one had been below the belt.

"At least I can have Mike," I said. My mouth ached to stick my tongue out at her.

"At least I have the looks to take him away from you."

I gasped. "_That_," I said. "Was _not _nice."

She smiled an evil smile. "Maybe not, but _so_ true."

I was babbling! Constantly opening my mouth to punch her with my words! It wouldn't come to an end. Why couldn't it? I didn't _like _Mike, and I had never done so either. Jessica could have Mike for all I cared; now that she'd thrown such things into my face. What would it matter if he was bad? So was she! See, a perfect pairing.

"For you maybe, but I know _Mike _doesn't think so," I assured her.

I had to ask myself the question again: _What_ was I doing? Seriously, _what _was going on inside my head? I was freaking _fighting_ over a_ boy_! And it wasn't even a boy I _liked_, it was a boy I despised deeply. What had led to this exactly? It wasn't even _funny_. It wouldn't be one of those moments you would wander back to when you were in your forties and laugh at. This wasn't one of those moments, not at all. It would be one of those moments you would look back to a couple of weeks afterwards and shiver at, maybe even shed a few tears.

Jessica was looking furious, and on the verge of tears at the same time. Her eyes burned with fire, not giving up at all. She was going to win this fight, it was written all over her face. Too bad for her, I was not giving in that easy.

"How would you know that?" Her confident tone ceased a bit, but not completely.

"Well, it's pretty clear, isn't it? The fact that he likes, and dates, _me_. And not you – the girl with a hopeless crush on him."

"I heard you were the one to ask him out," she said shrewdly, and I immediately lost all great comeback-lines I'd had in my mind a minute ago.

_Shit! Where did he hear that? Oh dear God, the race is lost. No! No, I can't let that happen. She won't make me surrender like this, I can't let her win. But how can she know? About that? No one could have heard? _

Where did all the competition in my head come from? Suddenly, the only thing on my mind was to stop her from stomping me small like an ant. Still, there was a part that knew inside of me that Jessica had just scored nine goals out of ten possible. And my score was still an empty, aching, zero. If I had been the one to ask him out, she would think that there was a possibility that Mike maybe only did say yes out of pity. Which was not true. I couldn't let her think that. The situation was reversed.

"Where did you hear that?" I pressed, trying to keep the same, relaxed, superior, tone I had used before.

"Psh, it's not like Mike never mentions _you _were the one to ask _him _out. Plus I heard you guys in Biology. Seems you were a little desperate."

"If you want to know so dearly," I began, an idea forming in my head. "I did it because I felt sorry he never had the guts to ask me out."

Her expression didn't change. "You wish, Swan."

"I _know_, Stanley."

"You're pronouncing it wrong."

"Whatever."

"I hate you."

_That _was when my tongue acted in defense and started pointing in her direction. It was acting of its own accord. I didn't allow it to do that! She gasped.

"Why did you even become friends with me if all you want to tell me is this?" I challenged, not really expecting an answer.

She stuck her nose up in the air in a superior gesture. "It's called _getting to Mike_."

"Why did you do that? _I'm _dating him. What? You thought you'd just come by as _my friend _when we were out eating and join us?"

An ugly grimace spread across her face.

"Thought so. Sorry, Stanley, but your plan has failed." I flashed an evil smile.

Oh my god. I was _mean_. _Really _mean. And to _Jessica_ – little Jess Stanley! I had never been that mean type; I never uttered words that I knew would harm the one I was talking to like needles penetrating their vulnerable skin. And all of a sudden, it was as if I was the source to all evil things uttered in this conversation.

And in that very moment, it felt as if regretting it all was the last thing on my mind. I feared that this was my true nature; I did _not _want to become an upgraded version of Lauren. It was the last thing I wanted by this.

And at the same time, I was hurt. She had become my friend to get to Mike. Suddenly, all thoughts of me not wanting her to get hurt seemed pure stupidity. Of course. It was so like Jessica. As soon as she'd gotten to know that Mike and I were dating, she'd found me instantly. I was her tool to get to Mike.

How could she do that? _Did _people do that? Use people to get to others? The betray overwhelmed me. I felt… hurt. Was there a purpose to why Jessica didn't want me as a friend, a purpose to why she was fake? Didn't she like me? Of course she didn't like me, not now anyway. Not after everything I'd told her.

The revelation was so clear. I had ruined Jessica's and my friendship beyond repair, it would always be a fabric torn into hundreds of pieces. And Jessica would never talk to me again. _I hate you. _Her words echoed in my mind over and over again, similar to as if someone kicked me every time the words were repeated.

But did she really hate me? Had she really meant that part? For real? Had it just been an impulse, or was there a meaning behind the words? If it was, if she really hated me, then she had accomplished her plan to stomp me smaller than an ant. I felt horrible. Horrible for making her hate me, horrible for saying those things.

But at the same time I blamed it a little on her. She had _used _me. _Used _me, to get to Mike, a boy. A boy couldn't be worth hurting someone like that? Could it? What was I willing to do to get Edward?

And then it struck me – I was using Mike the same way. He was my tool to get to Edward. I used him to get Edward jealous. And there was nothing I could do about it now. There was nothing wrong with Jessica's reaction; she was acting just as I was. Suddenly, I no longer put any blame upon her. Our minds worked the same – we would use people to get to the one we loved.

I was using Mike. I was_ using _him. A terrible feeling grabbed me from behind, and I could sense how my expression of victory drained from my face and eyes. I wasn't surrendering, but the closest thing to it.

Jessica noticed how the girl in front of her no longer boasted of victory, and her gaze started changing too. It turned superior, her face was just the same as when a teacher praised her, or when she, for once, was right. I didn't like that look, I didn't like it at all.

"I have to go," I whispered to her, focusing on the wall behind her. All tones of evil were gone from my voice.

Confusion spread across her face. I didn't blame her. "Bella?" Her forehead wrinkled at my suddenly changed reaction. "What's the problem?"

"I'm so sorry, I-I…" But I couldn't manage to say anything else. I was running. Away from Jessica, away from everything that reminded me of what I had done. A vague, distant, voice, was yelling at me from behind, but I continued to run. Away from that. The frustration was like a pounding wound in my soul, slowly draining it on energy.

My eyes were still wide as I half-ran to my locker. The people around me were distant.

"What's up?" Edward asked as I opened my locker next to his. I hadn't noticed him, and his soft voice shocked me. "It looks like you've seen a ghost."

I didn't answer.

"Bella, seriously, what's up?" he repeated as he realized I wasn't going to answer.

I chose to not tell him anything in reply this time either, and blindly fumbled with the combination to my locker. I had to try several times before the door would open for me.

And then he touched me, and I instantly gasped for air. His hand was holding my arm in a loose grip, but still tight enough to feel his hand clutching my arm from under the fabric of my shirt. _Heaven. _Suddenly, it was as if my argument a few moments ago no longer existed. All I could focus on was his hand against me. _Don't ever let go! _

"Is there something wrong?" His voice was more anxious now.

_Yes! _I wanted to cry at him, but I couldn't. Because then I would spoil everything, and it would be worse than before. That was why I tried to casually put on a mask that wouldn't reveal anything of my previous thoughts inside. Still, those words were pulsing around inside of me like a hurricane.

I shook my head, and his grip around my arm loosened. _No! _I promised myself to never forget that touch, ever. It had been so long since he touched me the last time that I'd almost forgotten how perfect it was.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," I said quickly, and hoped he wouldn't notice how thick of unshed tears my voice was.

"Bella you seem upset."

"I'm not."

"You can tell me everything," he assured me softly, and I fought the urge of looking him into his eyes.

"Not this," I sighed.

"So something is wrong?" he pressed.

And then, that was when I met his eyes. "I can't tell you Edward. As much as I would want to, I can't," I confessed, feeling his overwhelming gaze burn into mine.

"Let's go to class," he said, his voice different from the last time.

I nodded.

**A/N: I know I know! Don't be too hard on me for the bad ending of this one. **

**PREVIEWS FOR REVIEWERS!!! Or PM me and I'll send you one. **

**And yeah, I was really laughing while I wrote Jessica's and Bella's fight over Mike. Who would've thought that would happen?**

**THANKS FOR ALL THE REVIEWS!!! Love them! Love reviewers!**


	16. Awaiting Her Arrival

**Disclaimer: Do I really need one? Everybody knows I don't own twilight. **

Chapter 16

Awaiting Her Arrival

About three weeks later from my fight with Jessica, I found myself in a car, together with Charlie, on our way to the small airport in Port Angeles. And we were picking Alice up. _Finally. _

If there was something I was in desperate need of, it was Alice. The moment Jessica had revealed that she had been acting as my friend to get Mike, and the realization of how I used Mike pretty much the same way, things had turned so confusing that it was nowadays difficult to think straight. With Sheila, Edward and Mike hovering above me like a stubborn cloud of rain, there were very few opportunities to which I could use to do what I wanted most. Crying.

I wanted to cry, I needed to cry, for everything. Because I was falling apart inside. As selfish as that may sound, it was true. And it made me feel terrible. I had a perfect life in so many ways, and I was luckier than so many others. And yet, all I was able to do, it seemed, was to grieve. Not out loud, or when anyone saw, but in my own little way. I wasn't happy anymore. Sure, I would laugh at the table at lunch when Ben made a joke, or when Jacob said something funny, but afterwards, things would always go back to the way they had been before. Broken. Shitty. Miserable.

At nights, just before I would fall asleep, I usually shed a few tears. I would have needed to cry much more, but there was never a time for me to do it. Sheila had apparently found me good friend material, and since she had a sabbatical year, we often hang out when school was over and she was too sick of writing on her book. And the scary thing that tore me apart from inside was that I _enjoyed_ it. Sometimes, at least. Because Sheila was nice, and the reasons to why Edward had proposed to her grew clearer every day.

It struck me as so odd. Wasn't I supposed to hate her for taking Edward and excelling me from every angle? A part of me _wanted _to hate her, snort at her, retort to her comments, and sarcastically criticize the plot of her book. But I couldn't do all these things, because, unfortunately, Sheila had turned into my friend.

And Edward seemed to like this fact. He seemed to like it a lot. In fact, he saw it as an opportunity to take another member into our two-member club. Though obviously, now three members were a part of it. And I didn't want one of those members there. Now, school was the only place where I could be alone with Edward. Because every time he, or I, wanted to hang out together, Sheila would always be included. It was like a secret code. And we would have to tell her everything, every tradition, every secret thing that we shared. And I despised that. Never had I felt threatened, or jealous, like I was feeling now.

Sheila changed a lot of Edward and my usual habits. We were no longer allowed to do nothing, because she always found us something else to do.

And the thing that tortured me from inside was that Edward didn't seem to mind these changes. He was fine by playing racquetball, hiking, playing board games and baking instead of simply sitting on his bed, while laughing and gazing at each other. And I could do nothing about that, due to the fact that Sheila also was _my _friend now, and not to mention, she was Edward's fiancée. Of course, it was fun doing the things Sheila found amusing, but I missed it being just Edward and I, doing nothing. It was what we had done since we were kids, and never had I thought I would miss it so much.

Jessica was no longer included at our table for lunch. We hadn't told her to leave – she had done that part herself. Fortunately, no one asked about her absence. She wasn't even missed. Maybe they had never liked her, after all. Jessica's new victim was Mike, and I supposed everybody knew that her new game was not a well-played charade. Her nosiness didn't even irritate him – even though it was obvious his feelings were for someone else – and I wondered why he had never found her earlier. Then maybe he would aim his penetrating gazes and smiles to her, and not to me.

And Mike and I actually spoke to each other from time to time. I had taken the initiative, because after Jess and my fight, I had felt so terrible that I felt that I had to do something. The best thing I had come up with was that I could _attempt _to get to know the Mike under the rebel-shell. It turned out, though, that there only was that shell of rebellion to him, and no soft side lurking inside it.

There were two bright lights in my confusing life. The first one was so surprising that I hadn't believed it myself.

One week had passed since Mike and my date, and I was in Edward's car, on my way home. He had started picking me up to and from school, and the least I did was minding. Just those few precious moments alone with him were able to heal my wounds. Even if it was just for a while, I did anything to feel whole again.

Out of nowhere, he had brought up Mike. And I had thought I would die of embarrassment, humiliation and lack of things to tell him.

"How's Mike?" he asked, and I almost choked on my own saliva as I heard him. Luckily, I didn't.

"Uh," I began, taken aback by his sudden question. "Good?" I posed it as a question, and I knew it was bad. It wasn't believable. "I mean, great!" I corrected myself.

He nodded, and I noticed how his fingers nervously fingered with the wheel. "How's it going… with… um, you two?" His voice was slow, and I instantly blushed.

"Er, well, you know. I, uh, think we're going out next week…" Okay, it was a lie. But what was I going to say? The truth? Don't think so.

He nodded again, and I saw how his fidgeting increased. "So, are you together?" His forehead was creased in confusion. I hated it.

"Um, I don't know…" I said hesitantly. What was I going to say? My mind was spinning so fast in search of answers I couldn't see straight.

"Is it serious? So you're not just dating him out of pity?"

"Why would I?"

He did a huffing sound under his breath that I couldn't interpret. A snort? A suffocated laugh? "I'm sorry, but it always sort of sounded as if you… didn't like him."

"You can change your mind."

"I know, but –"

"But?"

"Okay, seriously Bella," He met my gaze, and I drowned in his eyes. "you don't like Mike Newton. I know you don't. Why are you lying to me?"

"I'm not lying to you," I mumbled, the blood rushing to my already reddened cheek. _Traitor blood!!! Do NOT blush anymore!!! _

"Do you really like Mike? Look me into the eyes and tell me you like him."

Trying not to get lost in his green depths, I lied to him. It didn't seem to be enough for him, and I became so scared. Edward couldn't find out, he couldn't.

"See?" I challenged. "Why is it so bad that I like him?"

"Because he's not good enough for you."

My pulse raced up to at least five hundred. "How do you know that?"

"I see it. Bella you deserve someone much, much, better than him. He's… sorry, but he's a jerk."

I didn't mind if he called Mike a jerk. I never would. I thought he was a jerk. I pretended to become upset though.

"He is _not _a jerk!" I protested, but was happy as a sun inside. "Mike's really nice…"

"Yeah? Don't think so."

"What do you mean?" I questioned.

"You should be with someone better."

"Like who?"

"I dunno, just not that Newton guy," he said and shrugged his shoulders.

But thankfully, he let it go then. And I never uttered another word until he pulled up in front of my house.

That time had been so close, and I was so grateful that I had managed to convince him that I liked Mike. Even though I didn't. Even though Edward was the only one on my mind, not Mike. The only thoughts I had involving Mike were thoughts of dislike.

Alice assured me that he had only brought up Mike because he was jealous, and so, so badly I wanted it to be true. What if he was jealous? Was it because he liked me more than as his best friend, or was it because he was simply not used to me hanging out with another guy apart from him and Jacob?

With time, I grew sick of pretending that Edward didn't make my heart do a somersault whenever I saw him. So badly, I wanted to tell him everything. Or at least give him a hint of that he meant everything to me.

I knew that it was selfish. And I knew that I could spoil everything. But the thought of letting him know was so tempting. And even though he wouldn't feel the same way of me, I wanted him to know. I wanted him to know that those kisses had meant something to me, and I wanted to know why they hadn't for him. On both occasions _he _had kissed _me_. Pecked my surprised lips and made my stomach full of butterflies.

Hopefully Alice would see things from a different perspective, and cast some light on everything. Plus, I missed her. A lot. Even though it had only been a month since I had seen her last, it felt as if it had been years since I had told her goodbye at the airport in Paris.

The fact that Jasper was coming made me happy, too. I couldn't believe that he had given Alice tickets to Forks, I had obviously underestimated him all along in Paris. He had stayed in Seattle, and would come to Forks in five days. Alice was staying in Forks for all ten days. _Ten days! With Alice!_

One part of my thought it was far too little, while the other one told the other to shut up. Because ten days! When we were living on different continents!

Charlie had, thankfully, been alright with the fact that I would be having two friends from Paris over. For ten – and five – days. I was very grateful to this fact, I didn't want to have to nag and convince him, when he deep down wanted to be alone.

He didn't mind at all, and that relieved me.

"Dad," I remembered saying that day, exactly two days after Alice's phone call, at the dinner table. "Um, when I moved to Paris I got some new friends."

He chewed on his pasta and nodded. "That's nice."

"Yeah, I know. Alice and Jasper…"

"They're French?"

"Yeah, but they speak English, too," I explained. He nodded again. "And I was just wondering… they were planning on coming here. You know, to visit."

"That's nice, when are they coming?"

"In about three weeks," I said hesitantly. "And I was just wondering, if – maybe they could live here?" I bit down on my lip. _Ow! _Not that it mattered, I was so nervous. What was he going to say? Would he just shake his head and say that there was barely space enough for the two of us, or simply state that it was out of question.

Luckily, I was wrong on both points.

"Sure."

My eyes widened. _He had said yes! _His gaze averted to his meal once again, I was almost too stunned to answer.

"A-are you sure Dad?" I stammered. "For real?"

He nodded. "Yeah, sure. Why not? One can sleep in your room and the other on the couch. Hope we have sheets enough though."

"Yeah, we have," I said quickly. "Thank you so much, Dad!"

He laughed quietly. "Wow, Bells. No problems. How long are they staying?"

"Um, well Jasper has a cousin in Seattle, so he'll be staying there for five days and then come here. And Alice will stay here all the time, ten days."

"Jasper's his name?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I think Jasper's sort of a family name in his family."

"And Alice?"

"Yeah, she's my best friend. And she's a girl! It must be some kind of miracle." My voice was so high and happy. I hoped I didn't come off as a loner who was desperate to see her only friends. Not that Charlie didn't know that close friends wasn't my best area. "Are you sure it's okay, Dad? Hundred per cent?" I checked again, just to make sure that it was alright. Though _if _it hadn't been alright, then I doubted he would tell me so. Not now when I was so happy.

"Yeah, Bells, don't worry. Should be fun to meet your French buddies."

"Thank you so much!"

And for the rest of that week, I had sucked up to Charlie like only a daughter could do. Thoroughly cleaning the house, making him his favorite foods and let him watch his games on the flatscreen without constantly interrupting and asking him to help with my Calculus problems, even though I knew the chances of him being able to help me were minimal. I hoped this would help him to realize that he wouldn't change his mind.

The drive to the airport was very quiet, but my mind wasn't. For once, I wasn't thinking of Edward. I was thinking of Alice, imagining her in the plane, thinking of me too. I missed her so much, and I couldn't wait to see her face again. Speaking on the phone wasn't enough!

It was difficult for me to actually believe that she was coming to me. _Finally!_ I knew it would be worth the wait, it had to be worth the wait. I tried hard not to think of that she was going to leave again – I couldn't spoil her visit by sulking because she would also leave.

Alice and Jasper would be going to school with me for the time they were going to spend in Forks. It had been difficult to convince the principal, since they had been classed as "foreigners". With a little luck and some papers though, it had been possible for them to also join the school for a couple of day.

They would sit at our table. They would meet Edward. _Alice _would meet Edward. Even though I wanted to, I wasn't able to even guess how that introduction would go. It was magical that the two people I loved most in the world would meet. And I would find out if my descriptions of him had been flawless and perfect or sloppy and different.

They would get along though – I realized that much. Edward could speak French, I was sure of that; it would make Alice feel welcome.

I practically ran towards the entrance after Charlie had parked the cruiser outside. We couldn't take my truck, since it only had two seats.

Charlie was forced to keep up with my running, and I heard his pants as I flung the door open.

We – or I – walked more than briskly towards the board of arrivals, and stared eagerly at it. I yelled in frustration as I read that Alice's flight was twenty minutes late.

"Relax, Bella," Charlie tried to calm me with. It didn't work. "What are thirty minutes, really? Nothing compared to how long you've been waiting."

"It's just my luck," I muttered.

"Come on, let's go and grab a coffee or something," he suggested, and I agreed after some protests.

I couldn't believe that there was now an additional twenty minutes for me to go crazy on. Alice wasn't here yet! I regretted instantly on leaving home so early, we had still fifteen minutes to spare if we counted with her previous arrival.

"I don't want anything," I said quietly as Charlie wondered.

"You need something sweet," he insisted, and bought me a bar of chocolate. I ate it in silence while he sipped on his coffee.

"Thanks, Dad, for letting them stay with us. It means a lot to me."

Charlie hadn't counted with that I was going to become emotional, and therefore blushed discreetly and hid behind the collar of his jacket. "No problems, Bells. If it makes you happy."

I blushed too. "Thanks," I said lowly again, watching as the people went by around us. Why were they here? Were they also picking someone up? Or were they returning from a trip, a business journey? Some looked stressed, while a few seemed calm and to their senses.

I had always liked coming up with backgrounds to the most random people. The ones I saw on the street, at the supermarket, new students in school… Sometimes I even started brooding about what a possible soundtrack for a movie of their lives would be. I usually stopped then, thinking I should leave them alone. Not that they knew how I was suddenly in their shoes, coming up with possibilities of their lives. But it then felt as if I was interfering, that I'd better leave them alone.

Time passed by though. Even though every breath seemed like an eternity. Even though every time I glanced towards the clock time hadn't seemed to move at all.

But then, suddenly forty minutes had passed. And the wait was over.

I ran towards the gate, not caring if Charlie was behind me. And my breath was suddenly caught in my throat as I saw a familiar pixie-like shape running towards me. Alice.

**A/N: I'm sorry this is so badly written, it's just I'm turning into Cryie Cryerson lately and can only bring myself to write all these angsty things that's non fanfiction related. **

**THANK FOR ALL THE REVIEWS!!! REMEMBER THE ****PREVIEWS****!!! And something that would make me very happy is if I'd get over 200 now!!! That would be so great!!! I'll leave an extra long preview then!!! 215 reviews, do you guys think we can beat that? Please help me with it!**


	17. Reunion

**Disclaimer: Do I really need one? Everybody knows I don't own twilight. **

Chapter 17

Reunion

She was wearing a black trench coat, her short spiky hair was tousled and out and she was carrying a small black bag. And she was running towards me. _Alice _was running towards me.

As I saw her, I couldn't bring myself to run into her arms too. I froze in my place, just watching her running form getting closer. I couldn't believe that she was here, in Port Angeles! In this little city where I had gone on a date with Mike, played racquetball with Sheila, flown to Paris… And she was here. In the place I called my everyday life – she was here.

I couldn't believe it.

"Bella!" she was yelling in her light familiar voice. "Bella!"

"Alice!"

She was so close, maybe fifty feet away. And the distance was closing, fast. But still, I stopped moving as I saw her running. Could it possibly be true?

She crashed against me with a bone-breaking hug, and I inhaled her familiar scent. Alice smelled sweet, comforting.

"Bella!" she repeated. "I'm here!"

"Alice!" I said excitedly. "Alice you're here!"

"I know!"

She pulled away, and I looked into her light, sparkling blue eyes. The same smile as always was spread across her face. I had missed her so much.

"I've missed you so much," I told her, almost jumping where I stood. I was so excited she was here. It was going to be the best ten days of my existence so far. If you didn't count with when Edward had kissed me of course.

Oh, Edward. He wasn't here. No.

I stubbornly pushed those thoughts away. I couldn't let my thoughts of Edward ruin the reunion I had been waiting for for weeks. Edward could wait. I would meet him tomorrow.

It was a Saturday, just after two o'clock in the afternoon. Having known the date of her arrival for two weeks, I had made sure to plan everything as carefully as possible beforehand. Edward was invited over, together with Jacob, the following day, to meet Alice. I was positive that they would love Alice. Because she was Alice, she was just lovely.

"I've missed you too, Bella," she chanted, and I smiled at her. She was just as I remembered, just as happy and kind.

"Welcome to Port Angeles," I said, gesturing for her to turn around so we could walk to the baggage claim.

"Zank you," she laughed. "I love it 'ere already."

I laughed too. "Oh, and this is my dad, Charlie," I explained, pointing towards him standing a longer distance ahead of us. He waved insecurely towards Alice, and she laughed.

"'Ello," she greeted him as he came up beside her.

"Um, hi," Charlie said awkwardly and shook her hand. "You're Alice?" She nodded. "I'm Charlie, nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too," she said with a smile, dazzling Charlie with her perfect white teeth. I could see in his eyes how enchanted he was by Alice's presence, just like I was. She was so easy to like. With her light voice and echoing laughter, mixed with her positive mood, one could do nothing but love Alice Fournier.

"Oh my god, Alice!" I exclaimed as we continued towards baggage claim. "I can't believe you're here!"

"Neizer can I," she cried, almost dancing towards the belt of rolling suitcases. "I 'ave never been to America before."

"France is better in many ways…" Though, of course, Edward didn't live in France.

She laughed.

It was true; there were certain things that I found were better in France than here in Forks. The weather, for an example. Forks, with its relentless raining and grey skies, were overshadowed by Paris tremendously. Even though Paris wasn't the sunniest city in the world, it excelled Forks from every angle when it came to the weather.

_But_, of course, there wasn't a La Push in Paris. No Jacob. But most important – no _Edward_. And no soothing language that I was able to speak was spoken in France.

Alice was back. The minute she grabbed her suitcase, I knew she was. I realized she was. What if everything would work out now, that she was here?

What if I relied too much on her, what if she wouldn't be able to work things out? I knew I did, I knew I relied too much on her.

"Oh, Bella I can't wait to see where you live," Alice exclaimed happily as we started going towards the exit. "And Edward, too," she whispered. I glared angrily at her, anxiously looking for any sign that Charlie might have heard us. Luckily, he hadn't.

"Alice Fournier, you can_not _talk about that with Charlie here!" I whispered angrily. Surprisingly, she just laughed at me.

"You should see the look on your face, Bella," she laughed. "You look so… upset."

"Alice this is not funny! He can't know, no one can know! Seriously! Don't you understand what'll happen if anyone finds out? He's _engaged_."

She rolled her eyes. "I agree, Bella. But it's not _zat_ terrible if I _'appen _to say 'is name."

I shook my head at her. "You're impossible. You don't get it."

"_Oui, Bella, je comprends. _You know I do, when I met Jasper…"

"He felt the same for you in no time and you lived happily ever after," I filled in. "Yeah, I know. But this is not the same – Edward's taken… He's with Sheila, and there's nothing I can do about it. Even though I might not – "

"'Ave you ever zought of zat 'e is just a boy, Bella?"

I glared accusingly at her. "Yes, I have. But Edward isn't any boy – he's _Edward_. The only one I'll ever want." She smiled weakly. "Seriously, Alice, he is. I-I think I love him."

I knew it wasn't a mistake to tell her. If I couldn't tell Alice, then who would I be able to tell? Exactly, no one. The deepest thoughts that rested the closest to my heart needed to be told. In that way, it felt better. Bearable in a way. It didn't matter if Alice knew, she wouldn't tell anyone. She would understand.

She gasped loudly, it sounded weird in her high voice. "What?" she demanded. "Say zat again!"

"Not so loud," I complained, looking at Charlie walking briskly ahead of us. We were close to the doors now.

"Isabella, say zat again, or I won't believe you."

I met her gaze, only to see how her burning eyes cast me a look of anxiety and happiness at the same time. My gaze averted to the floor disappearing under us, and then back to her eyes again. I bit my lip. "I – " Hm… Did I mean it? _Yes, I meant it. _Of course I did. I'd known it for so long. It was true. "I love him."

The look of disbelief then drained from her eyes. But her face didn't turn into a smile, as I'd hoped it would. I smiled insecurely at her astonished face, before nervously jerking my head up. My steps were unsteady as we walked outside, facing a now raining sky.

Alice was just about to open her mouth to respond to my question, saying something important I was sure, when Charlie paused to walk beside us. She abruptly closed her mouth again.

"So, you've been in America before?" Charlie attempted to start a conversation with, as the cruiser was suddenly visible in front of us.

"No, I 'aven't actually. I've been to Canada though, when I was five I zink."

He nodded. "Canada's nice. In the French-speaking part?"

"Yes."

"I don't speak French."

She smiled politely. "It's not too late to learn."

"Oh, look! The cruiser!" I saved her from Charlie's tries to start a conversation with.

"I 'eard zat you were a police," Alice said as she saw it.

Charlie nodded. "Yeah, uh, I am."

Alice and I couldn't continue to speak of the important matter that I loved Edward, while in the car. Even though Charlie's gaze was fixated on the road, I knew that his ears would hear every word uttered in the car.

That's why the trip back to the house became embarrassingly quiet. I tried to gesture to Alice a few times, to continue our conversation, but I failed. Instead, she chatted politely with Charlie, not even blushing when he asked about Jasper.

I was quiet, a little shocked by Alice's reaction, but still happy that she was here. It was a bit embarrassing, the cruiser was filled with old cans of soda and used napkins. I would have to ask Charlie to clean it – I hoped Alice didn't mind.

The hour seemed longer than possible, and a wave of relief rushed over me as we pulled up in front of our house. Alice smiled at the sight of it.

"What a lovely 'ouse!" she exclaimed as Charlie opened the door for her. "Why 'aven't you showed me any photos of it before, Bella?" she wondered as she took her bags and walked up towards the door.

Charlie insisted on showing her around the house, and I thought he took unnecessarily long time to talk about the rooms and show pictures of me when I was seven, missing several teeth.

I blushed when Alice smiled at my photos. She didn't comment on that Charlie still kept his and Renée's wedding picture around, and I think she realized that he still hadn't really gotten over her. It felt a bit awkward to know that she knew, I wasn't used to having people knowing that much. Not even Edward, nor Jacob, knew that. Even though they'd been there on more occasions than I could count.

We walked to my room last, and Charlie finally left after complaining that I hadn't cleaned up.

"Do you love 'im?" she accused me the minute Charlie closed the door behind us. "Do you love, Edward? Do you really love him? Or are you just saying zat?" Her eyes burned, penetrating me. I instantly squirmed where I stood, avoiding her gaze.

I felt so guilty. She said it as if it was something wrong with it.

"Do you?" she pressed; I felt her eyes boring into me.

I nodded, staring at my feet. I did. "Yeah, I-I love him."

"Are you sure?" I looked up to meet her critical gaze observing me. She sounded so serious. "_Cent pour cent?_"

"Yes, I'm sure, Al. Why would I tell you if I weren't? I've actually thought it through a bit and – "

"No, Bella. You cannot only zink it zrough _a bit_. Zis is important, serious. You need to zink zoroughly before you say to me zat you love Edward." Her voice was hard, serious. It scared me a little, because I had never seen Alice before.

I blinked. "What do you mean? Of course I've thought it through. Otherwise I wouldn't tell you, at all. I sort of thought of it all the time while I was in Paris…"

Her eyes widened. "_You did?_" Her face witnessed of that she had not expected what I had said. Why hadn't she? She knew me; she knew that I would never tell her that I loved Edward if I didn't.

I nodded. "Yes. Well, at least in the end. I-I thought a lot of him. And stuff. And it just, you know it was so clear, all of a sudden. And maybe it was stupid because I hadn't seen him in months, but once when he called me I sort of… I don't know. I just realized it. Subconsciously or whatever."

A smile broke free from the granite mask that had decorated her face before. Her eyes twinkled with excitement. "You love Edward?" Her voice was high. "Do you love him?"

"Uh, Alice you sound like some doll," I pointed out, aiming at her high pitch.

"Do you love Edward?" She was staring right into my eyes; the blueness of hers almost blinded me.

"Yes."

She squealed excitedly, clapped her hands together and started doing a funny dance, right there on the floor in my room. "Oh, Bella I am so 'appy for you!" Before I knew it, she'd danced towards me and taken my hands in hers. "You love him, don't you?"

"Um, yeah. That's what I've been trying to tell you all along…"

She tilted her head to the side, still smiling. "I'm so 'appy for you, zat you know. Doesn't it feel good? A little bit?"

What was I supposed to answer? _No, _it wasn't good. It only made me hate myself more, because Edward was engaged to another girl. Sometimes it was as if I just couldn't realize that clear enough. Who was I to tell Alice that I loved Edward, when both of us knew that he was engaged to someone else?

"It doesn't feel good," I told her, showing it clear in my voice that I found her latest statement bizarre. "How can I feel good? He's _engaged_, remember? It only makes everything worse to know I love him. It only hurts more when I'm with him. Why would it feel good?"

Her eyes darkened a little. "A-aren't you 'appy?"

I laughed nervously. "No, I'm not, Al. Everything sucks here, I'm so happy you came. I can't endure another day." With a sigh, I sat down on the bed with a loud thump. She joined me.

"I am sorry, Bella. I did not know. _Je suis désolée._"

I shook my head. "Never mind about it."

"I am so sorry, Bella. If I 'ad known… I wasn't zinking…"

"How _could _you know?" I said, a bit sad. "It's just that it makes everything worse. Seeing him, being with him, thinking of him… And then realizing I love him so much but there is nothing I can do about it. And whenever I see Sheila I just want to die… Because _she _gets him.

"I'm so sick of feeling so lonely all the time! Because I don't want to end up alone…"

She shifted her weight where she sat on the bed. "Bella, I am so sorry. I didn't know zat it was so bad."

"It is," I complained with a sigh, letting my head fall down gently on a soft pillow. "It is, Alice. And it sucks. Seriously, I just want to die."

"Are you sure about zat?"

"No, I guess not, but – " I paused, figuring out what to say. "But I'm just so sick of putting on this stone mask where I can't tell anyone how frustrated and lonely I feel. I'm sick of pretending that everything's fine when it's not. It isn't fine, it's everything but fine." I quickly wiped a small drop of moisture away from the corner of my eye, embarrassed. Was I really crying? It was so unnecessary.

"'Ave you tried to stop loving him?" Alice wondered quietly, a little irony hidden in her voice.

I did a sound that was a mixture between a giggle and a sob. "No, I guess not."

"It won't 'urt to try, will it?" she suggested as I started fidgeting with my bracelet. _Edward. _Why couldn't I stop comparing Sheila's ring to my bracelet? They had meant two entirely different things. It wasn't an engagement bracelet; it was just a birthday present. A stupid birthday present that wouldn't mean anything in the long run. Ugh.

"How's that going to work?"

"Pretend as if you 'aven't got feelings for 'im."

"But I have," I objected. "How's that going to solve anything? It will only make things worse…"

She shrugged her shoulders. "I am sorry, Bella. I 'ave no advice but zat. I am sorry everyzing is so bad for you. I wish I could make you happy again."

"I'm glad your finally here," I hinted. She laughed. "No, seriously. Jacob's fine and all, but _you're _my best friend."

She raised one eyebrow. "'Ow about Edward?"

"Well that's different," I said, sitting up and started pacing back and forth in my room. Looking like a dork, I was sure.

There was a brief silence, but it didn't matter. We knew each other enough for the silence to be pleasant, and not embarrassing like it could be when you ran out of things to talk of.

"I like your room," she suddenly said, gazing around. "It smells good."

"_It smells good?_" I quoted, laughing.

She nodded with a smile. "Yes, it smells like home. And it looks so personal…"

I rolled my eyes, letting my gaze fly over my messy room. "Uh, whatever you say."

"Can I look at your wardrobe now?" she demanded enthusiastically, and rose from the bed. "_Please._"

"Oh no!" I protested, backing away from her towards my closet, forming a shield with my body over the doors. Everything but that. She could not open my closet. I needed my clothes, I truly did. I knew by principle that Alice would throw out everything but at max three shirts, insisting they were too old and ugly. "Not that, Al. Please not that, you know I don't want to…"

Her eyes softened, pleadingly penetrating me. "But, Bella. It's been so long since last. _Please_, don't you want me to be happy?"

"Of course I do, Alice! That's not fair! You know I want you to be happy!" I complained, backing further up against the doors.

"Why are you standing in ze way zen?"

"Because I like my clothes!" I insisted. "I-I like them, I – "

She frowned. "_Je crois que je vais commencer avec ce pull…_" she said, pointing towards the old, worn, brown sweater I'd pulled on in my haste to get to the airport. Even though I couldn't speak French, I realized what she meant.

I shook my head. "No, Al, please!"

"Oh, come on, Bella! It is not zat bad," she announced, and with that she pulled me away from the doors and opened them herself. A loud sigh escaped from her lips as she saw what was hiding in there. She shook her head. "But, Bella. I zought you knew better zan to keep zese zings." She lifted a cozy, green turtleneck from the lowest shelf, and observed it critically. "'Onestly, Bella, what were you zinking when you bought this."

"Hey!" I protested. "That one's _really _comfortable."

She snorted. "Bella, come on. _Regarde!_ _Look _at it, it is 'orrible."

I grabbed it from her and pressed it tightly against my torso. "It's one of my favorites…"

She shook her head. "Not any longer," she chanted and threw it on the floor after taking it away from my arms.

It was brutal to watch her throw out more than half the contents of my wardrobe, but still pleasant to have the same old Alice back in my real life, so close. She was in Forks! I couldn't really believe it, that was why I laughed more than complained when she threw out everything.

"Zis one is actually pretty," she said while holding out a black dress that I had never used, the tags were still there. She noticed it before me. "_You 'aven't used it?!_" she cried, observing the tags. "Bella what am I to do wiz you?"

I rolled my eyes. "Al, that dress is not really me."

"_It's from Paris!_" she exclaimed. "_I gave zis to you! _Now I remember. Bella, why 'aven't you used zis?" she demanded.

I blushed, averting my gaze towards the floor. "Uh, I-I – " We were interrupted by the sound of a car pulling up in front of the house.

"Who could that be?" I wondered, mostly to myself, and walked up towards the window to see who it could be.

A familiar silver Volvo had just been parked outside of my house, and a bronze head was walking in the direction to the door, taking my breath away.

_Oh no. _

"_Shit!_" I yelled. "_It's Edward._"

Alice looked astonished. "Edward is coming?" She ran towards the window while I ran away from it, quickly undressing, pulling on something that Alice had said was fine in my wardrobe. He couldn't see me like this. "No, he wasn't supposed to come until tomorrow," I said, panicked. "I-I don't know why he comes right now – "

"I am meeting, Edward!" she yelled. "_Mon Dieu, _he is very 'andsome."

"Not so loud!" I commanded.

"What are you doing, Bella?" she wondered as I clumsily continued to change clothes.

"He can't see me like this, I'm so ugly."

"Oh," she said, realizing my stressed situation. "'Ere, let me 'elp you wiz ze hair." She gently brushed through it, while I managed to switch pants.

"How do I look, Alice?" I demanded, hearing Charlie's cries that I had a visitor from downstairs. "Bad or worse?"

Her forehead creased in thinking. "You look… okay."

"Thanks a lot," I said, and opened the door abruptly. "I'm coming!" I yelled down to Charlie, and gestured for Alice to come with me.

I couldn't believe this was happening! Edward wasn't supposed to come until tomorrow, how could he be so tactless and arrive in the minute when he just couldn't come?

At least Sheila wasn't with him. I hadn't seen her in the car. Maybe she was supposed to come later. I hoped she wasn't, right now, I didn't want to put up with her. Maybe I was afraid that she would steal Alice from me.

Had I forgotten that he was supposed to come today? No, I couldn't have. I knew that we had never agreed on that.

"'E looked very 'andsome from ze window…" Alice said loudly.

I glared furiously at her. "_Shut up!_ He is downstairs for crying out loud!"

She closed her mouth, embarrassed.

I took a deep breath before preparing myself to meet him. It seemed like such a long time ago since last, and I missed him so much. Still, it worried me that Alice was here. I hadn't had time to tell her to keep quiet and be tactful when she would meet him. The last thing I wanted was for her to accidentally tell Edward.

"_Bella!_" Charlie called again.

"I'm coming!" I answered, hurrying down together with Alice.

**A/N: Sorry, cliffy again. Couldn't hold myself ;)**

**Yeah, talk-ish, filler-ish chapter. I hope you guys will survive anyway. **

**PREVIEWS FOR REVIEWERS! And I got 215!!! Thanks you guys, I'm so proud, you rock! Don't miss the next chapter! **

**And I have totally forgotten to tell you all about my wonderful bf Knblair86, who is the best person in the world!!! Check out her stories they're so much better than everything I've written combined!**

**Stay tuned for chapter 18! **


	18. Alice et Edward

**Disclaimer: Do I really need one? Everybody knows I don't own twilight. **

**Ps. IMPORTANT A/N! Read it, please! Even though it's long…**

Chapter 18

_Alice et Edward_

"I hope it's not a bad time," I heard Edward saying.

"Ask Bella about that… Her friend from Paris just came here an hour ago or so," Charlie explained.

"Oh." Edward sounded surprised. I hurried down the stairs. Hadn't I told him that Alice was coming today? I was sure I had, I knew I had. And that was why I had invited him over _tomorrow_. Had he forgotten about that? "Wasn't she supposed to come tomorrow?"

"No."

"Oh, I'm so sorry. Maybe I should leave. Bella's invited me over for tomorrow."

And then finally, I ran in to the hallway with Alice at my side. "Edward," I panted. "Hi."

His face cracked into that crooked grin when he saw me, and my legs were suddenly made of melted cheese. And as I stood there in the hallway, facing him with Alice at my side, I couldn't bring myself to be mad at him. I couldn't bring myself to think of him as forgetful or tactless, I couldn't. Because I was so happy to see him, and I was so happy that Alice was seeing him.

"Hi, Bella. And hi – "

Alice interrupted him. She took a step towards him, holding out here hand. A wide smile was spread across her face. "Alice," she said. "I am Alice. And you are Edward, _n'est-ce pas?_"

He seemed a bit taken aback by her sudden unashamed mood. But then he came to his senses, and smiled for Alice too. "_Oui, je suis Edward,_" he said slowly, but with an almost perfect pronunciation.

Alice smiled wider. "_Oh, tu parles Français?_"

"_Oui, assez bien._"

"_Ah, c'est impressive!_"

He laughed. "_Pas beaucoup…_"

"_Plus que Bella, quand même._"

Oh my god. I couldn't believe this. Was it some kind of joke? A secret sign to show me that I didn't belong in the conversation? My two best friends were speaking _French _to each other, simply because I couldn't.

Okay, maybe that wasn't true, but it was what it felt like! _And_, I had heard my name. They were speaking of me! And I didn't know what they were saying! Didn't they realize how frustrating it was for me to not understand anything?

He laughed. "_Peut-être. Tu habites á Paris?_"

"_Oui, á Paris. Près de Renée, je la rencontre parfois._"

_And they continued! _How dared they? How could I know what they were speaking of? What if Alice was revealing secrets I kept from Edward to him? _What if? _Okay, the only secret I kept from Edward was my feelings for him, and I doubted that Alice would tell him that at their first meeting. But _still_, how could they be so disrespectful? So selfish?

I cleared my throat loudly to put an end to their conversation. "Is there any chance I can participate in this conversation, too?" I demanded rudely.

They both laughed at me. "Take it easy, Bella. It's good practice for me."

"'It's good practice for me'," I quoted in a silly voice. "Yeah, right."

"Zere is no need to be rude, Bella," Alice commented, flashing me a smile.

I sighed, and looked at Edward again. "I thought you were supposed to come tomorrow!" I quickly regretted saying that, suspecting that I had sounded whiny. I did want him to be here after all. "I mean, of course you can stay if you like," I said quickly, fidgeting with the hem of my shirt.

Alice smiled shrewdly.

"I know, I'm sorry, I spoke to Charlie." Charlie had, during Alice and Edward's conversation, realized that it hadn't really been something involving him at the door, and therefore left. That fact relieved me. "I know that we'd agreed tomorrow, but I thought I'd just stop by… I didn't know you had company. I thought you were supposed to come tomorrow." He said the last sentence to Alice.

"No, no, it's alright," I assured him. "It's totally fine, right Alice?" I shot her a meaningful look, and she snickered.

"Of course it is alright," she chanted, her eyes twinkling triumphantly at me.

"I don't know, Bella. I'm sorry. Maybe I should leave?"

"No, no, no!" I protested anxiously. "No, you've come here now, right?"

He frowned nervously. "I'll come by tomorrow. Because Jacob's coming tomorrow too, right? Weren't we supposed to have dinner?"

I nodded. "Yeah, but if you want you can stay."

"I'll come by tomorrow instead," he insisted with a smile. "To practice my French," he told Alice afterwards, making her sick.

I was instantly overwhelmed by a great disappointment. What if there were other reasons to why he didn't want to stay than that Alice was here? Didn't he want to be with me?

_Oh stop being silly, Bella! Why do you have to be so sensitive? Of course he doesn't want to stay when he found out Alice came for an hour ago! Stop overanalyzing everything!_

The voice in my head was right. I needed to stop acting like a silly teen in love. This _wasn't _a romantic comedy.

But I _was _a silly teen in love! And who knew? If I became a director after graduating high school, maybe I'd persuade someone (why not Sheila?) to write a script about my fairly uninteresting life as an inhabitant of Forks, and Paris.

"Okay," I agreed, trying my hardest to not let the disappointment sound in my voice. "Tomorrow. We can order pizza."

"Can't we watch a movie, too?" Alice suddenly wondered. "I 'ave brought a great movie."

I raised my eyebrows. "Which one?"

"_Le fabuleux destine d'Amélie Poulain. _It is good," she added.

I rolled my eyes. "Not a _French _movie, Al."

"I'd like to see it," Edward interrupted.

I sighed.

"It is _so _good, Bella," Alice assured me.

And then, after a few more seconds of polite chitchatting, Edward left. And he also took a piece of me with him, as I gazed out the window, watching him drive away. He drove away to Sheila, I was sure. Of course it was natural for him to spend almost all awakened time with her.

_Engagement, fiancé, wedding. _Trigger words, making me anxious. All of those were associated to Edward, _not _with me. And it made me upset. I put on a brave face though, _Alice _was here, she couldn't see me like that. No one could – I was ashamed of my weakness. Because I _couldn't_ be dependent on Edward. Firstly, he was a _boy_ – I needed to be able to handle myself _without _one. Secondly, he was _engaged _– he was _marrying _Sheila. It wasn't a silly kindergarten-game – this was for real. Soon, they would be husband and wife, connected forever. I couldn't break that.

And thirdly, why would my feelings be reciprocated at all? It was too far-fetched. We were _friends_, Edward saw us as nothing but that, I was sure.

So I forced myself to smile at Alice as the sound of his engine faded away, slowly but surely.

"Uh, what do you think?" I asked casually, taking her with me to my room again.

She giggled and closed the door behind us, running to lie back on my bed. I flipped my desk chair towards her, sitting down with crossed legs.

"Bella, Edward is… _fabulous_. So 'andsome, and so polite, and just so – charming. I am jealous."

I smiled. "Really?"

"I 'ave barely met 'im, but I zink zat 'e is a real gentleman already. You are lucky. I do not blame you for loving him."

"You don't?"

"No, Bella. 'E seems so… kind. And polite, and – just perfect. 'E is like Jasper," she added and paused. "_D'accord_, _almost _like Jasper."

I laughed. "You don't know all of him yet."

"But no one can be better zan Jasper."

I smiled. "How is he by the way? He's coming this Thursday, right?"

She nodded. "Yes. 'E is with 'is cousin Rosalie. And Jasper is fine, more zan fine. I miss him zough…"

I moved from the chair to the bed. "I bet you do, but at least he misses you too."

"Yes, I zink 'e does."

"Honestly, I'm very impressed he gave you plane tickets."

"I know," she said excitedly, "'E is ze best, isn't 'e?"

I had to agree. "Yeah, he's the best." After Edward. Although, I didn't tell her this. I chewed my lip for a short second. "And, uh – you don't happen to have any Carambar with you, do you?" I wondered nervously, laughing afterwards.

Alice laughed. "Oh, Bella. But of course I 'ave. Only for you."

And then she showed me a good load of Carambar, and I greedily opened a bag, sharing it with her. And we lied there, on the bed, looking up at the roof, just talking. Talking about the most unnecessary things, but also the topics that were important to us.

Of course she understood everything I told her. Of course she did, she was Alice after all. I told her everything, too. Of how maybe it was silly, but how I actually was unhappy, and worried. Worried that he would one of these days realize that he deserved someone far better than me.

When she assured me that Edward wouldn't, that he had seemed so nice, it soothed me a little. But just the tiniest bit, enough to make me heal for now. For the moment.

It seemed surreal that she had met Edward. And that they'd gotten along, at least for the short while they had stood next to each other in the hallway. At least both of them had seemed to like each other. I truly hoped that they would get along.

And when Alice started talking of Paris, her words enchanted me. They made me realize that no matter how much I'd told myself Paris was the end of an era in my life, _end_, she made me miss the city. As her chanting voice danced across the floors and walls of my room with description of the town in summer, it made an aching start. I missed Paris.

"Do you zink you can come visit soon?" Alice wondered, fingering with the pendant of the bracelet Edward had given me. I had taken it off to show her, again.

I sighed. "I'd love to. But I don't know… How much was the plane ticket?"

"I don't know, it was Jasper…"

"He sure is the best guy in the world."

"I know," she said happily. "I 'ope you can come, too. Is Renée staying?"

"I don't know, a little while more I guess. It went good for Phil there."

She laughed. "Not in ze beginning."

I laughed, too. "No, not in the beginning. But in the end."

"And ze middle," she filled in. I nodded.

We stayed home the rest of the day, talking. Just like we had in Paris, except that this time it was on _my _bed, in _my _room, in _my _house, my real house. The small building I had been raised in. Charlie insisted on showing Alice photos of me as a baby, which resulted in many laughing fits and embarrassed blushing.

I told Alice of school, and of Jessica, and about Mike. Oh, Mike. And she understood, at least more than anyone else would. What she didn't understand, though, was the curious incident in the cafeteria. And I had no answer to that.

When I told her about how Jessica only had wanted my company to get to Mike, she laughed. She said it was because Jessica was silly, and I agreed. But it made me feel silly, too. Since I had been using Mike the same way.

I still hadn't let that go, not at all. I still felt so bad that I was willing to use Mike as to get Edward jealous. It was one big soap opera, my life. And a silly one, too. Even sillier than Jessica and me combined. Silly, silly, soap opera.

Alice slept on a mattress in my room. She insisted on sleeping on the floor, even though I offered her the bed. I caught her before bedtime texting Jasper.

"'E says 'e misses me," she chanted happily, pressing the phone to her chest.

"You nerd," I joked, flipping the lights off.

And so we talked more, even though it was what we had spent the entire day doing.

"I'm nervous about tomorrow," I suddenly said, gazing up against the ceiling.

"Zat is silly, Bella. Zey are your friends, why are you nervous?"

I changed position under the covers of my bed. I was silly. God, why couldn't I just let this go like any other normal person? Was it really that difficult to stop thinking about it, they were just coming over for dinner. Sort of a family friend- thing, with Charlie. Laugh, talk, eat, chat, be polite. Old school, _nothing special_.

They were my friends; I could be myself with them. I was still myself with Edward, even though I hated that I was sometimes.

"Bella, stop worrying. You are silly now, zat's what you are."

"But – " I tried to protest.

"You don't zink I will do anyzing embarrassing do you?" Alice accused me of, I could feel her burning gaze in the dark.

I sighed. "No, but – "

"Zere are no buts, Bella," she continued stubbornly. "Now sleep so you won't 'ave bags under your eyes tomorrow."

I suffocated a skeptical laugh and closed my eyes.

And then came morning. And with morning came Alice. Again. And she dragged me out of bed and pushed me into the shower, insisting she had already used it. How could she be up before me?

The water was cold, because Alice switched heat as I stood in there, without knowing it. That was the reason to why I cried in surprise and suddenly became wide-awake. And the reason to why I ignored her during breakfast, while she simply giggled.

Charlie suggested that I'd show Alice around in Forks, before Jacob and Edward would come. I insisted that it really wasn't much to show, but since I didn't want to disappoint her, I finally agreed. Though I suspected that she was disappointed afterwards, perhaps on Charlie who let me live in this small city, lacking almost everything.

"Where do you buy your clozes?" she complained on the way home.

"There was a store next to the post office…" I said.

"But if you are going _shopping_! Not just a small boutique wiz zree blouses! If you want to buy a prom dress!"

"Port Angeles," I explained.

"_Port Angeles! Mais, _zat is an hour away!"

I laughed. "I know."

"_Mon Dieu_! How do you survive here?"

"Good question," I pointed out as we pulled up in front of the house. "What shall we eat for dinner?" I wondered as I unlocked the door. Charlie was over at Billy's.

"Oh, can't I make a French recipe?" Alice wondered as she hung her coat up.

"Yeah, sure," I said. "You and your French things."

"Look who is talking, Bella! Carambar!"

"Hey, that's different," I defended, walking into the kitchen. She disagreed.

And so we cooked Alice's French recipe, while laughing and stirring, hoping that it would be appreciated. I was sure Charlie would enjoy it, since he liked almost everything.

It was good, I found out after having tasted a bite.

"I told you so, Bella," Alice pointed out while laying the table together with me. "Trust me in ze kitchen, I am good at cooking."

"I know that better now than ever."

Charlie called just a few moments later, suggesting that Billy would eat with us too. He whispered discreetly of something about that Billy had never been met a French person, and I frowned a little.

And so Alice and I sat down at the kitchen table, waiting for our guests to have our French dinner.

**A/N: Okay, I know. This is probably one of the worst chapters I have ever written, sorry! I am NOT proud of it. **** I didn't even bother editing it, sorry! :( And sorry for the late update, my life is officially upside down. I've been really busy these last days. Plus, source of inspiration has like run away. I know this sucks, and I'm sorry it's short. I just want to write it. **

**Does anyone have an idea how Rose and Em will get each other in this fic? Em is Ed's brother in this story, it's mentioned in a chapter just very casually. He'll come in soon, I hope. But feel free to tell me in a review!**

**And, of course. A translation of Alice and Edward's French conversation in the beginning:**

"**Yes, I am Edward."**

"**Oh, you speak French?"**

"**Yes, pretty good."**

"**That's impressive!"**

"**Not very much…"**

"**More than Bella, anyway."**

"**Maybe, do you live in Paris?"**

"**Yes, in Paris. Close to Renée, I meet her sometimes."**

**As you expected, no gossip of Bella in here! Hihi! **

**PLEASE REVIEW! ****PREVIEWS! **

**And I'm sorry, but next update will also take some time, because right now my life officially sucks and is so strange and complicated I want to puke on it. Sorry for that. And sorry for this long A/N. **


	19. Visitors

**Disclaimer: Do I really need one? Everybody knows I don't own twilight. **

Chapter 19

Visitors

And so they came, and had dinner. I think I exaggerated the entire occasion beforehand, because it was far from a special event. Just an introduction to somebody new, dinner (with Charlie and Billy) and the watch of a French movie that actually was good. English subtitles necessary of course.

Alice and Edward got along great, better than I expected, far better. Even though most of their conversation was in French, I could still understand that they liked each other. Something of how their voices were linked together, how they both were eager to interrupt the other, how they simple clicked.

Jacob was also there. He got along with Alice, but not as well as Edward. He was so baffled, in a way, how different she was. He obviously had, like his father, not seen many French in his life. I wondered why they found it so special.

Why was it so difficult to say goodbye to Edward afterwards? I didn't know, all I knew was how I deeply despised the stabbing in my chest as I closed the door after him.

And as I stood on the place where I had stood seven months earlier, I was so close to breaking apart. On that exact same spot, I had received my first kiss from Edward. An occasion that would be forever etched in my memory, no matter how long I lived.

Though I forced myself to put on a different mask as I turned around. Alice was here; I couldn't be such an idiot and show how I was really feeling inside. I was selfish enough as it was already. She shouldn't worry about me, when she could spend her time worrying about other things.

Love trouble. Heartbreak. Such an overrated phenomenon, but at the same time not. Because everything was true. It was more than true. The feeling of how your missing part was crucially being ripped away from your life, because someone else was tugging at it.

If I could, I would hate Sheila for what she was doing. But I couldn't bring myself to. She was far too perfect, nice, kind, generous, understanding, innovative… While at the same time, she wasn't exactly _doing _anything but planning to marry the man she loved. She couldn't help that his close friend would forever feel just the same as she was, if not even stronger.

I didn't _want _to love him in the insane, unconditional way I was. But I loved him in that way, if possible even more. Never would I have expected myself to be the one to fall for someone so hard, as if your whole life was depending on that single person.

And it hurt so much more than I could've possibly imagined. I wanted to be better than I was – I wanted to deserve him. Because as it looked at the moment, I wasn't. I was only silly Bella, complaining when there could be so much better things to do. I hated the one I was becoming.

Would it help for me to realize that he was beyond reach? Look, but not touch. He belonged to someone else. Would it be easier to see him, have him near, if I told myself that it was impossible for me to get him? What if it would?

But I couldn't bring myself to give up hope, I simply couldn't. Even though my behavior was naïve and selfish, nothing inside told me to stop hoping that he would once be mine. If I ever tried to tell myself that he loved someone else, there was still a part of my mind that dreamt of moments where he would confess his irrevocable love for me. Even though I knew no such thing existed.

What if I ceased to exist? What if I simply disappeared, faded away, let the wind take me in its firm grip? What if Bella Swan would crumble into small pieces of dust, leaving a shattered life behind? How easy everything would have to become, for Alice, for Jacob, for Angela, for… Edward. Edward would no longer be the only subject of someone's mind apart from the one that belonged to his fiancée.

It would be so easy, for everyone. No one would have to worry, care. If I simply disappeared from this earth, things would be so much easier. Would I even be missed? Probably not, bearing in mind what an idiotic fool I had become. It didn't matter if I ran away, left would only be the empty space that once had been the room of a brown-haired girl, and a childless father.

Would something turn out for the better if I didn't exist?

.

And so, Alice had her first day in an all-American school. And with that, she saw all the differences there were between the two countries. A new language, new habits, different people, different food, different ways of living. This was not Paris. This was Forks. The small town that such a little amount of people knew was situated in America, and not on a plate next to knives and spoons.

She was smiling as we crossed the parking lot together, flashing her unfamiliar face to all of those students who had never even opened a book about France.

Her visit delighted the French teachers, and she charmed them plenty with her accent, beautiful laugh and singing voice. I simply smiled politely as they questioned me of how we had met, and let Alice do the talking – because it was what she preferred.

Angela was shy and a little intimidated by my best friend at first, but Alice easily managed to lurk the Angela I knew out of her otherwise closed shell. Before I knew it, they were laughing together, sharing a discussion about some French singer. Arielle Dombasle, I presumed – Alice's favorite singer.

Ben blushed a little at Alice's quick way of acting as if they had known each other since kindergarten. But he seemed to enjoy the fact of how someone was noticing him, somebody new.

Edward and Alice got along just as perfectly as the day before, and I was a little proud of having introduced them to each other.

Three days passed quickly, three happy days flew by quicker than the wind on a cold stormy day. Three days, consisting of shopping, laughing, studying, cooking and talking passed by faster than I thought was physically possible.

During the entire day of the following Thursday, Alice's eyes twinkled. Like beautiful diamonds, her eyes sparkled. They glittered of longing, excitement.

And when I saw her like that, I knew she loved Jasper. I simply knew that her heart would always belong to him. The way she spoke of him, they way she couldn't sit still during the entire day. The way she laughed when he called her, it was such an epiphany for me, a revelation. Possibly even clearer than when I had realized I loved Edward. My love for him had arrived gradually, getting one small step closer for every time I saw him. But with Alice, such a drastic change had taken place since I had left Paris.

He was supposed to come in the late afternoon, a few hours after the last class of school. She was indescribable during those last hours, cautiously twirling a lock of brown short hair around her finger, her eyes twitching whenever the sound of a car engine came near.

Rosalie, Jasper's cousin, was giving him a ride up to Forks from Seattle. They were the same age, two years older than Alice and I was. Two years older than Edward was…

She was _supposed _to help me with a hopeless Calculus homework I hoped to finish before he came. But to say that it didn't work out was an understatement. I didn't blame her for not being able to sit still, nor when she insisted on pacing back and forth in the kitchen. I did exactly the same on occasions.

I leaned my head in my hands, frustrated. My eyes tried to focus on the words and numbers written in black ink. It didn't work. Sighing, I closed the book and joined Alice at the kitchen window.

She turned. "Are you done already?"

I shook my head. "Nope. Calculus is not my cup of tea."

"Oh," she said, averting her gaze to the window again.

"I don't think he'll come yet," I said cautiously.

"I know," she agreed. "But 'e might."

"I think we should do something, to distract you…" I suggested, but was interrupted by the sight of a red BMW pulling up in front of the house.

Alice's eyes widened. "_Jasper!_" she exclaimed, running towards the door.

I followed her, and watched as she eagerly stumbled across the hallway to meet him. I laughed quietly as she struggled with opening the door, and ran with so much force it surprised me outside. I followed, seeing how the engine stopped.

"Jasper! _Cheri! Tu es là!_" Alice called as he closed the door to the car, to let her run into his arms.

He chuckled and wrapped his arms around her. "_Salut, mon ange._" It hurt to see them standing there together like that. It reminded me of what I was missing, and what Sheila was receiving. _Oh, Edward. _It felt as if it had been months since I'd seen him last, instead of hours.

Something was ripping my heart apart from inside. A sharp knife that slowly, piece by piece, ruined my heart with painful carvings. I didn't want to be damaged. I wanted to be healed. I wanted to be able to heal _without _Edward.

The carving of my heart continued as I watched them. Time ceased to go by as Jasper held her close, as Alice closed her eyes in contentment. The way his arms were draped around her, as if nothing was more important than she was.

If only I could experience that.

Suddenly a beautiful woman stepped graciously out of the car, walking towards Alice and Jasper. Her hair was in blond curls, bouncing lightly next to her shoulders. She moved in forced movements, but the way she walked and turned was still graceful, like a queen. It was as if she was aware of that she was excelling every girl that shot a look at her with the obvious beauty she possessed.

Jasper's cousin.

They shared the same honey blonde locks, but apart from that, they were different. Her beauty was even more breathtaking than Sheila's, if that was even possible.

I shyly walked towards them, fidgeting with my bracelet. "Hi, Jasper," I managed to choke out.

He flashed a set of pearl white teeth at me, still not letting go of Alice. "Hi, Bella." He let go of Alice, to loosely embrace me. He was warm. "It's so nice to see you again. I can't thank you enough for letting me stay here."

"No problem," I mumbled slowly, intimidated by the beautiful girl next to her.

"This is my cousin, Rosalie," he introduced, as if he was able to read my thoughts. "Rosalie, this is Bella."

She was the one who took the initiative and firmly gripped my hand. From a closer distance, her beauty was even more prominent. But then, there was something hard in her facial expression. Anger, masked carefully by her so lovely face. Her firm grip around my hand scared me a little.

"Um, hi," I greeted, trying to smile.

"Hello," she said, her voice softer than I expected. "Nice to meet you."

"Likewise."

Alice interrupted our forced conversation with her chanting pitch. "I cannot believe zat you are finally 'ere, Jasper!" she cried. "I 'ave missed you so much."

He laughed. "Calm down a little, it hasn't even gone a week."

She smiled crookedly with the left side of her mouth. "A week is long enough."

Rosalie playfully rolled her eyes at her. "Cut it out, Alice. No need to make us nauseous."

"Rose!" Alice said loudly, wrapping her arms around the girl. "It 'as been too long."

"I agree," Rosalie said, pulling away. "When will _you _come and visit _me_?"

"Do you know each other?" I asked, surprised to see how familiar they seemed to each other.

Alice nodded. "Oh yes. Rosalie usually comes to visit us in ze summer."

"Oh, okay," I said and paused. "Do you want to come in a bit?" I asked her.

"I'd love to," she replied quickly, eyeing the house. "Do you need a hand with those bags, Jazz?" she wondered, observing Jasper taking out two large bags from the trunk.

"I think I've got it…" he said while joining our walk towards the door. "Nice house," he complimented before we step inside.

I laughed. "Thanks."

"No, I mean it," he continued as the door closed behind him. "It's really nice."

"Um, so, Rosalie, have you been to Forks before?" I wanted to start a conversation with.

She took of her coat before answering; it was a brown suede jacket. "No, no I haven't. I hadn't really heard of it until Jazz wanted a ride up here." She smiled crookedly.

"Do you guys want anything? Something to drink?" I offered.

"I'd like some coffee," Alice said, walking uninvited towards the kitchen, already having memorized where everything she needed was. "I will make some for you, too," she continued, leaving us surprised behind.

"She… adapts fast," Jasper suddenly said jokingly.

I laughed again. "She sure does."

To my great surprise, Alice continued to keep up the part as hostess while she made us all coffee. With some minor difficulties of course, but not too great ones to make the result a failure.

Rosalie was a nice girl. Sometimes a bit quiet, but polite, prudent and, of course, strikingly beautiful. First impressions could change, of course. But something told me that she would be easy to get to know, once you opened the shell that surrounded all of us.

They seemed close, Jasper and Rosalie, even though they lived on completely different continents. And what surprised me was how Alice seemed to know Rosalie as well. It made me… a bit jealous. A fact that was difficult for me to admit, but obviously planted thoroughly inside of my head.

Was it selfish? _Of course it was selfish, stupid Bella! _You _are selfish! _

I blushed at the thought. Of course it was selfish, what wasn't selfish that was created by me?

Secretly, I wanted Rosalie to go. Why? Well simply because it felt as if she was interfering Alice's and my ten days together. It was supposed to be us… just Alice and me. Not Rosalie, no matter how nice or pretty she was.

During our polite chatting and coffee-drinking (even though I only pretended to drink. Alice never seemed to learn that I, Bella, did not drink coffee) we were interrupted by the sound of the doorbell ringing loudly, startling me. I jumped in my chair and quickly went up to see who was at the door.

It was silly, but a part of me hoped that it was Edward. A very prominent piece of my mind made my pulse start racing as the distance between the door and I shortened. _Edward. _

But what would Edward possibly be doing here? We had seen each other in school mere hours ago. Was there a reason for him to decide and come visit? Was it… maybe… just to… hang out? Did he… I didn't even dare to think the thought… want to see me?

The possibility seemed so petite, so small, so surreal. It couldn't really be Edward…

A huge wave of disappointment rushed over me as the door opened, and I found Emmett at the door. Edward's older brother.

Of course, a part of me had expected it to be Edward. _Even _though I tried to deny it. The itching feeling was there, would be there, always.

"Uh, hi, Bella," Emmett's booming voice greeted, smiling a bit awkwardly.

Emmett was… big. Consisting of muscles, _many _muscles. A thick curtain of dark curls was covering his eyes, and he casually brushed the locks away from his face in one quick movement.

"Hi, Em," I said with a smile, disguising my disappointment. "What's up?"

Since Edward and I had been close friends for quite a while, Emmett was no stranger in the house. On several occasions he had been here, perhaps he even knew the house better than Charlie.

"Uh, yeah. Edward asked me to come here, he left his cell here yesterday I think. He's in Port Angeles with Sheila, so he couldn't come here himself."

"Oh." A wave of cold, icing, pain rushed over me, leaving me numb, frozen, distracted from the situation I was in. _He's in Port Angeles with Sheila… _

Of course they were together, why would I expect anything else? Of course they'd driven there right after school, to spend time together.

_Oh my God, Bella. They're _engaged_, of course they spend time together!_

I wanted to shake my head frantically, live in denial of what was going on. They couldn't simply be bonding closer than Edward and I was. I wouldn't allow it to be that way – it _couldn't _be that way. I would _hate _for it to be that way.

It was happening, why was it so difficult for me to see that? Every stinking day, their stupid wedding got closer. What if they would elope? What if the next time I saw him, they would be _married_?

"So, uh, is it here?" Emmett wondered, waking me from my brooding trance.

"Oh, yeah. I'll check. I think so, did he say where he left it?"

He shook his head. "No, maybe we can call it?"

"Yeah, sounds good," I said, starting to avert my gaze to the different parts of the room, lifting things that the telephone could lie under.

Suddenly, someone cleared my throat behind me, and I turned to notice three familiar faces gazing happily at Emmett in the hallway, who was obviously intimidated by the presence of the three strangers.

"Oh, yeah. Em, this is my French friends, Jasper and Alice, and this is Rosalie, Jasper's cousin."

"Hi," he said, flashing a pretty smile. It was hard to notice how he let his gaze rest on Rosalie for a few seconds than normal. She blushed at his reaction.

"Rosalie." She shook his hand, as if she could read from his eyes on her that it was the right thing to do.

I laughed inside of my head, smiling. Emmett never had trouble with finding girls.

"Emmett," he answered, a bit dazzled from her breathtaking beauty. I didn't blame him. "Oh, right. Call Edward's cell," he said, waking from the daze Rosalie had positioned him in.

A low sound came from upstairs, and I ran up to see where he had left it. I was surprised to find it in _my _room. He hadn't been in there yesterday, had he? No, we had been in the kitchen, and in the living room… He hadn't set his foot inside of my bedroom. I didn't understand…

Not brooding more about the question, I ran down the stairs, only to notice how Emmett and Rosalie were talking happily, laughing at each other.

"Here," I told Emmett, giving him Edward's silver phone. I pressed it extra hard into my palm before handing it over. _Edward's phone. _

_Bella's a nerd. _

"Thanks," he said, first smiling at me, then giving Rosalie an even wider one. She laughed shyly, and he blinked at her. If I wasn't mistaken, it seemed as if Emmett had managed to remove the masked anger that had been in Rosalie's face earlier. "Well, seeya later, Bella! Bye, Rose!"

"Bye," Rosalie and I said simultaneously.

Rose? Had Emmett called Rosalie _Rose_? Just after having met her mere minutes ago? I frowned. Emmett? And Rosalie? A big question mark was still inside of my head as Emmett closed the door.

**A/N: I know, Rose's OOC. But so? This is fanfiction! :D **

**Sorry again for the late update. Explanation=school and my head. As in, I'm in a difficult phase. Fortunately, I don't have to be as embarrassed as last time about this chapter. **

**Sort of a filler, promise you more action in one chapter. No, wait, two? I don't know. **

**THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEWS!!! **_**PREVIEWS!!! **_**Do not forget **

**And plus, Edward noticed his cell was gone AFTER school. Short recap. **

**And it's going to be 23 chapters, and an Epilogue in this story. Just so you know. OK, that might change (it means it will) because I always change my outlines while writing. Hehe, not a very good thing. **

**Thanks again for the reviews, please review more! I love reading your thoughts! :D**


	20. Goodbye

**Disclaimer: Do I really need one? Everybody knows I don't own twilight. **

Chapter 20

Goodbye

Rosalie and Emmett. Emmett and Rosalie. It did sound good together.

Why was I so sure that it would turn out like that? They'd met _once_, I had _happened _to be near. So what?

Still, there was an instinct deep down that told me that the gazes that had been exchanged between the two of them were not ones you met everyday.

Jasper's arrival made me perfectly pleased, it was nice to have a few pieces of Paris back into my life. I had, after all, spent six months of my life there – I missed it. Even though no Edward Cullen with bronze tousled hair lived there.

Jasper actually made Charlie smile a little as they met when he got back from work. Jasper read Charlie easily, and he could read Alice and me just as good.

We drove to school the following day in Edward's car. He arrived, thinking he was picking up two girls, but was surprised to see a honey blonde male coming out of the door to my house as well.

I was surprised to how Edward got along with _everyone_. Ang, Ben, Jess, Jacob, Charlie, Renée, Alice… and now Jasper. How could he? Was he some sort of superhero? It wasn't hard to realize that everyone liked _him_, what was confusing was how he could be just as nice to them. It was perplexing.

Jasper charmed the teachers as well, mostly thanks to his shocking skills in all the subjects. Alice was more than proud; her mouth twitched very visibly when they praised him. Sometimes she just couldn't hold the smile in, and showed off her white teeth towards him.

Her gaze was full of love.

Love. Stupid. Stupid, stinking, love.

Angela and Ben knew that my other French friend was arriving that day. What they didn't know was how perfect and lovely he was. They were obviously impressed by my choice of friends in France, and got along well with Jasper. He was so close to Edward's flawless personality.

Edward. Flawless. Gorgeous.

Jasper and I was sitting at our usual table at lunch, discussing my huge craving for Carambar – he insisted there existed better candy, I didn't believe him – when he noticed something that hadn't crossed my mind for what felt like ages.

"Bella. I'm sorry but…" He paused. "Who is that girl over there staring at you?"

I knew who he meant even before I discreetly looked in the direction where he'd pointed. Jessica was still mad, very mad. Furious, even. I didn't blame her; she simply had accidentally fallen for the wrong guy.

Mike… We didn't speak anymore. All that was exchanged between us was just discreet, awkward, glances at each other whenever we met in the corridors, or in classes. He had crawled into his hard shell again, put on the mask as the shy, insecure, boy.

My way of regretting what I had done was by not speaking to him. Pretending to like him was over; I was incapable of continuing to do that to him. I didn't want to feel more selfish than I already was.

I didn't think I would ever forgive myself for hurting him – and Jess, for that part – the way I had. A part of my evil mind wanted to blame Alice, but I brought myself together and kept it to myself. It was far from Alice's fault, even though she had suggested making Edward jealous. She had wanted to help me. And as I had lacked other ideas, I had taken hers.

It scared me how far I was willing to go to get Edward. _Hurting _persons, the one I'd grown up next to. Even though they might not have been the ideal friends, it was wrong to hurt them. _Even _though Jessica had used me the same way, it was still wrong.

I tried not to bite too hard down on my lip. "That's Jessica," I explained, whispering.

"Is she mad at you?" he wondered.

I nodded. "Yeah." Pause. "Yeah, she is."

"Why?"

_He is just being curious, _I told myself. _He doesn't know. _Still, I froze at the thought of having to explain it all again. Jasper was my friend, but I didn't want to make myself _that _vulnerable. Alice and Jacob were the only two living souls on this earth who knew. No one else, I didn't want to let anyone else into the circle.

Edward was sitting across the table, discussing something with Ben. From the corner of my eye, I admired him. His crooked smile, the way his hand moved as it tousled his strands of copper hair…

No, I wasn't ready to tell anyone else.

I blushed and averted my gaze to the meal in front of me. "I'm sorry, Jazz. I just – " Pause. "I just don't think I'm ready to talk about it just yet." Definitely not ready. I looked up towards his face. "Sorry," I said and frowned, meeting his warm smile.

"It's alright."

"I'm sorry…"

He chuckled. "Don't worry. I'm sorry myself. I just got a bit curious when I saw her looking at you like that. It looks like she's ready to commit murder."

"Really? Is it that bad?" My head turned to watch the table where she sat, suddenly not thinking.

And there she was, with faithful, bitchy, Lauren at her side. She quickly looked down as I turned around, but it was impossible to not notice her glares, burning of fury.

_I'm sorry, Jess. _I released my inner regrets on my lower lip – it hurt.

"Maybe not," he said.

"It's just a misunderstanding," I lied. Not exactly…

"Have you tried apologizing?"

"Not really. But I don't think it'll help. She's just really upset right now. We used to be friends…"

"Is she nice?"

"Sometimes, yeah. We're pretty alike." _As in we'll do anything for our love interests. Great minds think alike. _Evil _minds think alike. _

He nodded, and then there was silence.

Sometimes it was nice to talk to Jasper, because he knew when it was time to stop. He read it, he foresaw it, he was perceptive. It was pleasant; the silence with him was always pleasant. And so was this. I leaned back in my chair and closed my eyes for a short second.

Graduation was coming up. Stress. Study. Soon, everything would be over. High School. My mind never drifted to college. Graduation was simply a trigger word, something that made me realize that in a very short period of time, seeing Edward every day would no longer be a part of my life.

Sheila and Edward were applying together; Sheila's sabbatical year had soon passed by. Her book was almost done, only the finishing touches were missing. Edward had said that she was planning on sending it in to a publisher's house. The way he had said it made me realize that a rejection wasn't an alternative – she was _Sheila_.

_THEN WHY DID SHE HAVE TO GO TO COLLEGE IF SHE WAS ALREADY A PUBLISHED AUTHOR?_

Backup-plan.

_FUCK THE BACKUP-PLAN AND LEAVE ME ALONE WITH EDWARD!_

"Bella?" It was Ben.

My eyes flew open. "Yeah."

"Were you asleep?"

"Maybe," I joked, attempting to fake a smile. "No, kidding."

He smiled a little forced, and I shifted my gaze, only to notice Edward's emerald eyes staring into mine.

I drowned in his eyes. I always did. They were… enchanted? Something always pulled me into the deep green depths of relentless, green, ocean. They way they sometimes sparkled, twinkled, shone, how the different streaks of green made them more beautiful than anyone else's eyes. I loved them, I would always do.

I think Edward had noticed that Mike and my relationship had broken into pieces – not that there ever had _been_ a relationship. Only Edward didn't know about that. If he knew, he pretended as if the situation was unchanged. None of us spoke about Mike, for obvious reasons. Edward, because he had been… jealous? I was still uncertain if that had been the case. It seemed too far-fetched, too surreal. And me, because I simply couldn't stand the awkwardness, let alone the necessary lies. I would never bring him up again, _ever_.

He stared back at me, and suddenly everything around us faded away. Alice, Jasper, Ben, Angela, the cafeteria, Jessica, Lauren, all of the chatting students around us. They were abruptly turned into gray fog, leaving only Edward and me alone.

When he looked at me, and _only _me, I didn't know what to do. Because the way I started to feel as his green eyes rested on my face was indescribably hypnotizing. During each second, I fought the urge of confessing everything, _risking _everything.

One word from him, just one word, and I would no longer care of hurting Sheila. I wouldn't care if they were getting married, I wouldn't care if anyone heard me or watched us. Because then I would spill everything, just hoping, holding on to the little, fragile, possibility that he would look at me as something more than his best friend.

After a too short period of time, the vibration from a cell phone interrupted our trance. It was Jasper's. And then both of us were suddenly back to real life again, and I nervously fidgeted with my bracelet.

The moment made me think of _Edward's _cell phone, in my room. What had he been doing in my room? I knew that no one had been there during that evening before Jasper's arrival; we had all been downstairs in the living room and kitchen, cooking and watching the French movie.

Why had he been in my room? Had he gone up there, uninvited? When? How? _Why? _Was he looking for something? Had he forgotten something in there?

When was the last time he had been in my room? Not since Alice had arrived. That eliminated the possibility that he was looking for something he had forgotten. How come he hadn't noticed that his phone was gone since that Thursday? Why hadn't _I _noticed the cell phone?

All of the questions were circling inside of my head like a bowl of hot soup being stirred briskly.

The most important question was by far _why_, _why _had he been in my room?

I casually scratched my neck as I considered the possibilities in my head. _Hmm… _

There were some things I didn't even dare to think. I tried very hard to let them pass by. But it was difficult.

Why couldn't I just stop overanalyzing his every action, word, movement? It was just disappointing, in the end, to find out that his behavior had _nothing _to do with me. I had to stop; it wasn't healthy to focus on someone as hard as I was focusing on Edward.

But, he was just… _everywhere_. Everywhere seemed to remind me of him, and it hurt so much in so many ways, while it at the same time made me warm and dizzy.

He was sitting so close, and just a few moments before, he had been looking at me. _Me. _Bella. Bella, simple Bella Swan. _Edward _had been looking at me. Oh dear God.

He had looked at me tons of times before, but every single time he did it was as if I was, somehow, magically healed again. For a short moment where I could forget about the fact that he was out of reach.

Why did he have to be out of reach? I wanted him for myself oh so badly, it had been my only wish for too long. _Why _did everything have to fall apart? _Why _did there have to be a Sheila Martin? _Why? _

If I didn't stop asking that question, I would fall into pieces.

After that lunch, time passed. Quickly, happily, cheerily. And suddenly, time had run out. The hourglass no longer had any sand to transport to the level under.

I had been aware of that the day would come since the moment I had seen Alice ahead of me inside of Port Angeles's airport. But I had tried not to brood further about the moment where she, where they, were going to leave me, simply because I couldn't bear thinking about it.

Their departure was inexorable, just like the fact that they would leave a miserable Bella behind. It was inescapable, and even though they wouldn't know, nor notice, they would say goodbye to a depressed Bella.

Bella was silly.

Yes, Bella was silly.

Charlie and I drove Jasper and Alice to the airport the last day of their visit in Forks. The atmosphere in the car was still cheery and happy all the way to Port Angeles. Though inside of my head, I cringed every time my gaze averted to the car clock.

The hour seemed so short. When we pulled up in the parking lot to the small airport of Port Angeles, it seemed as if there had only passed a mere five minutes since we had left Forks behind.

Charlie and I followed them as long as possible, and when there was time to say goodbye, I could no longer hold it in.

"Oh, Alice," I complained as my gaze rested on the bags on the floor, and the persons ready to leave in front of me.

Jasper was smiling sadly, while Alice was staring heartbreakingly at me. And then the floodgates flew open, and I burst into tears.

"Alice don't leave," I cried, throwing my arms around her.

Her petit arms held me close. "I 'ave to, Bella." Her voice was thick.

What a silly goodbye. In the airport, in front of the security check, two silly girls crying and embracing each other. If only the people around us knew what was going on for the both of us.

"I miss you, I miss Paris, I miss Renée."

What if I hadn't moved to Paris? What if I had never met Alice? What if Edward had never met Sheila?

"Why did you 'ave to move back?" Alice sobbed. I felt her wet tears on my shirt.

"You know, why, Al, you know why."

"You will come and visit soon, right? You 'ave to promise zat. I am not leaving until you promise zat."

"Do not leave!" I pressed her closer to me.

"We 'ave to, ze plane, _Maman_, _Papa_."

I sobbed, while laughing a little at the same time. "I promise I will come visit. As soon as possible." Pause. "Alice what am I going to do without you!"

She pulled away a little to look into my eyes. "_Ne t'inquietes pas_ _d'être sans moi. Je vais te telephoner chaque jour._"

I laughed. "What?"

She smiled. "Goodbye, Bella. Now make sure to _use _zose clozes we bought!"

All the shopping with her, all the new clothes – I had actually missed shopping with her.

"I promise."

"Good." She smiled. "I will miss you so much, Bella, you 'ave no idea. You are my best friend, nobody else."

"You're my best friend, too, Alice. The best of all best friends," I assured her. "Call me when you land, okay?"

She nodded. "I will."

"Even if it'll wake me up."

She nodded again. "_Oui._" I actually knew what that meant.

"Oh, Alice." For one last time I crushed against her. She let out a muffled laugh.

"Oh, Bella."

"Goodbye, Al," I said, wiping the tears off of my cheeks.

"_À bientôt, chère Bella._"

I hugged Jasper, too. "You must think I'm so weird," I told him.

He shook his head. "Not at all."

Then I embraced Alice again, even tighter than before. "I will miss you so much," I whispered.

"I will miss you more."

A few more assuring words, a dozen 'thank you's and goodbyes to Charlie, and then they were gone.

.

The house was… empty without them; it was as if they had always lived with me. They left huge holes after them, both physically and mentally. Without the mattress on my bedroom floor, everything was so different, harder somehow. Waking up in the morning felt strange, when no singing Alice would happily and loudly – to my great displeasure – announce that we had another day with Edward in front of us.

Even school wasn't the same without them. I had grown used to the callous glances I had received in the corridors. _Bella and her weird French friends. _Now, it felt so natural to drive with Edward to school, with four, instead of two, persons in the car.

So when Alice left, taking Jasper with her, everything changed. The house was… quiet. It felt so strange to realize that everything had been so different before their arrival. Suddenly, I was back to making dinner for two, micro waving leftovers.

The house was lonely, Charlie at the station, Jacob in La Push, Edward with… Sheila. Like a band-aid, say the word quickly. So it will hurt less. Pause. Then her name.

I missed them, maybe even more than I had done before their arrival.

So I turned to Jake with my complaints and heartbreaks, and with his incredible capability of making things better, he simply laughed it all off, assuring me that everything would work out. Yeah, right.

_Nothing _would ever work out. It was a fact, I had always known it. Even if you turned the problem inside and out several times, searching for a way out, an escape, no such thing existed.

Even surrounded by people, I felt so lonely. Never before had I experienced such loneliness, mental, terrible, horrible, loneliness.

And I grew so sick of feeling lonely, so much that the tears burned painfully behind my eyelids before I went to bed every night. It felt as if someone had placed a huge, heavy, rock of bitter loneliness on my chest, it prevented me from breathing thoroughly.

The more days that passed by, the emptier I got. And maybe it was for no particular reason, but that didn't cease the inner tornado that was storming inside. If only someone could help me. If only someone magically could make me feel better, _heal _me.

I wanted to feel well. It was just so damn difficult.

What was also difficult was to _pretend _that everything was fine. It was so hard to play a part, put on a mask, for everyone, Edward, Sheila, Angela, Ben, Charlie… It was not an easy task to smile quietly every day, instead of bursting into tears and yelling into a pillow.

I prayed every night that things would get better, but my subconscious new better. There was only one thing that would ever be able to heal me correctly, without missing to fill in any aching holes. But he belonged to someone else, someone who deserved him much better.

**A/N: Thank you so much for all the reviews! ****PREVIEWS**__**for reviewers, do not forget! Please let me know what you think. Seriously, all of you writers out there know how great it is to get reviews. **

**And I know these last chapters have been fillers with late updates, but I promise that in chapter 21 there will be plenty of Edward and Bella action! Seriously, some of you will fall of your chairs. (Okay, maybe not) For those of you who want to know what it's about, ask for the name of chapter 21 and you'll immediately know what I'm talking about ;)**

**SHE WOLF IF YOU READ THIS! FOR YOU: YOU ARE THE BEST DO NOT FORGET ABOUT ME PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE BECAUSE YOU ARE MY BEST FRIEND! **


	21. Confession

**Disclaimer: Do I really need one? Everybody knows I don't own twilight. **

Chapter 21

Confession

Slowly, life turned back to normal. I learned to accept the fact that Alice and Jasper did not belong in my life in Forks; they belonged to my old one in Paris.

I also learned to handle the relentless loneliness, clawing me from inside. I learned to precious the few moments of happiness I experienced. That crooked smile of Edward's, Jacob's laughter, Angela's encouraging glances.

But one day it turned slightly, thanks to sunny Jacob.

Jacob was like sunshine, because when he was there, suddenly everything wasn't as miserable as it had been before. When he was with me, it was as if he outshone everything that was troubling me.

And so he did on one Thursday in late April, while we were walking side by side, listening to the roaring waves caressing the sand covered ground on First Beach. The air was moist and cold, the ground wet.

"Bella, you know I'm always here right?" His voice was soft as our steps continued to reach our ears in a settled pace.

I didn't know what to answer. "I – " I had never been doubting mine and Jacob's friendship, but lately I had isolated myself from my friends so much that I had almost… forgotten about them.

He smiled weakly. "You have to know. It's just… Bella is something wrong?"

I stared down at the ground.

"Because you're so… down all the time."

I bit my lip.

"And it's difficult for me, too, because I don't know what to do. Do you want to talk about it?"

"I don't know, Jake."

"But there is something?"

"It's nothing of importance, it doesn't matter."

"Of course it matters, Bells," he said stubbornly. "You mean so much to me, I don't want you to say that."

I was so touched by his words, it made me on the verge of tears. Sweet, sunny, Jacob. I would always have him, he'd confirmed that just now, so why not try to push everything else aside and enjoy what was left?

It would be difficult, yes, that was a fact, but it couldn't hurt to try, could it?

"Is it Edward?" he wondered quietly.

"Jake – "

"It's him, right?"

I nodded slowly. "Yeah."

"Can't really help you out with that, though," he added jokingly.

I smiled weakly. "No, I guess not." I paused for a few seconds. "But how's your love life doing Jake, then?" I wondered. "Any hot chicks at the Reservation?"

"I'm not speaking girls to you Bella."

"_Why not?_" I protested. "I talk about Edward with you."

He snorted. "Yeah, when was the last time?"

"Uh, _now_. Is there anyone, though?" I wanted to know shrewdly.

He laughed. "You would like to know that wouldn't you?"

And so he laughed again, and I joined him. Then letting a comfortable silence enter our wordless conversation as the walk continued.

I was sulking too much, that was what I realized in that moment with him. I had to attempt to live like I once had.

But it was so difficult. Lately, I had barely dared to speak with Edward, afraid to be clingy, a burden for him, in his way. A part of me was absolutely positive that I was, but another hoped so dearly that it wasn't true that it brought me to tears.

Maybe Jacob would have to become my number one priority now, with Alice gone, and Edward busy with Sheila. Yes, Jacob. He wouldn't leave for Paris, he wouldn't get engaged without telling me. I knew he would never, even though he'd find his soul mate or a perfect house in France.

I arrived to school the following day with these thoughts echoing inside of my head, absolutely positive of that it would be a piece of cake to let Edward go.

But when I saw his face in the hallway, all of those hopes were brutally crushed. _Back to square one again. _He was so, so, beautiful, so, so, perfect. The minute he appeared in my eyesight, a familiar feeling swarmed through my chest. An ache, a surprise, it felt as if something was trying to claw its way out of my body.

I just couldn't let him go, even if he didn't want to be with me. I just couldn't, not yet. I had to have more time. More time to get used to the fact that soon he would cease to be a piece of furniture in my life. Even though it was the brutal truth, I _craved _more time with him. Just a little, little, more time.

It didn't matter if he wanted to stop being with me, I just hade to be with him while I had the chance.

Letting him go would be the hardest thing I would ever do. I knew that.

So instead of sitting quiet and brooding at lunch, I tried to be the one to start a conversation, or at least contribute to one.

The result became two separate conversations, one between Angela and Ben, and one between Edward and me. _Edward_. He was so close it was hard to focus.

"Hey, I was just wondering," he suddenly started. "What are you doing this Friday?"

_Oh my god. _He was asking if I was free this Friday. _Shit. _Why did he want to know? I simply couldn't resist suspecting that he wanted to be with me, it was too difficult. The only times he had asked if I was free was because he wanted to hang out. And yeah, with that came also Sheila, but the fact that _he _was asking _me _was just too overwhelming that I had nothing else in my mind as he posed the question.

"Yes," I blurted out, barely finished thinking. _Yes, yes, yes! Yes a million times for you Edward. _

He smiled the crooked smile that I loved so much. It triggered the aching inside of my chest. "Do you want to come over?"

"Of course," I said quickly.

"Great. I was thinking we could watch a movie and have dinner."

"Sounds fun."

I knew that Sheila was going to be there, I didn't have to ask for that. Of course she would be there. She was always there nowadays, and there was nothing I could do about that. But I would accept it, for him.

"What time can you come over?"

"Um, I was planning on just finishing Spanish homework and the English essay after school. But I'm free after that. Can I come by at half past five?"

"Of course. Do you want to make dinner together?"

"I'd love to," I said happily. Was I truly going to spend the Friday night with Edward? Before I moved to Paris, this had been my everyday. But now, after Sheila had entered his life, it happened so rarely it was difficult for me to actually understand when it actually occurred. The thought made my heart do somersaults. Many.

And so I drove home from school after Gym, my heart racing in my chest. Suddenly I knew that I would not be able to focus on the home works I had told Edward I was planning on doing. How would I be able to concentrate when I knew that in such a short period of time, I would be with Edward?

So I saved the essays for tomorrow, and decided to bake instead. It would give me something to bring Edward, and also something for me to do. It would also allow me to think of Edward.

I made chocolate cookies, and left some for Charlie on a plate, next to a note that informed him where I was, on the kitchen table before I left home, checking my reflection in the hallway mirror several times before I drove to Edward. I had brushed my hair a little before leaving, and discreetly applied some lip-gloss onto my otherwise almost colorless lips.

I drove quickly to him, pushing my truck's ability to drive fast to its edge. It made me five minutes early, but I couldn't care less. I took a deep breath before ringing the bell to his house. He opened very quickly; I only had time to count to five.

"Hi, Bella," he said happily.

"Hi," I said, walking inside. "I baked you some cookies," I told him, and gave him the jar I had put them in.

"Thanks," he replied, looking inside. "Mm… They look delicious."

"They are," I teased, taking off my jacket.

"I never had a doubt."

"Is Em here?" I wondered as we together walked up the staircase, and entered the open living room.

Edward's house had always impressed me. It was open and light, with paintings on the pale walls. The furniture had its perfect place, with decorations and scented candles, thanks to Edward's mom's, Esme, great interest of decorating.

"No, he's gone to Seattle over the weekend. I think he's visiting some girl," he added with a laugh. "And Dad's working late and Mom's over at a friend's."

My eyes widened. I didn't even hear his last words. "No way, Em's visiting Rosalie?"

"Yeah, I think that was her name."

"No way," I couldn't help but to exclaim. _Emmett was visiting Rosalie? Oh my god! _I knew that I had seen something that time in the hallway – I _knew _it.

"What?" he wondered.

"No, it's just… it's Jasper's cousin."

"It is?"

"Yeah."

"Wow. How did they meet?"

"When Em came to pick up your cell phone."

"Oh."

Edward's cell phone. The one that had been inside of my room. I still hadn't come up with a possible solution to why it was there. Why? The question made me so confused.

"I know." And then I couldn't help but to ask. "Uh, isn't Sheila coming?" I had noticed here absence, and found it as strange. Sheila was always already with Edward when we three hung out together. And now, she wasn't here. Maybe she was supposed to come later.

A strange expression flashed across his face. "No… She's in Seattle too… a racquetball competition."

"Oh." My heart started to pound, _fast_. Had he invited me over, when Sheila was out of town? My stomach was filled with butterflies. "You're not with her?"

"No, she went with her mom and Em."

"Oh. She probably wins, don't you think?"

He nodded and smiled. "Yeah, she's really good."

My head was spinning. An evening _alone _with Edward. No Sheila? It seemed too good to be true. _Finally _I could be with him, _just _him. It would be like before I moved to Paris. Just the two of us, just the two of us alone. God, I had forgotten there once had existed such a thing. I missed it badly.

Was there a reason to why he had invited me over, when Sheila wasn't here? Had he – I didn't even dare to think the thought – wanted to be alone with me?

_God, where did all the confidence come from?_ Of course that was not true. But a small part inside of me still clung to the idea.

We made dinner together, joking and laughing with each other. We talked as we cut vegetables, stirred in saucepans and put potatoes in the oven. I tried to enjoy every moment of it, knowing that this might be the last time I was alone with him like this. The thought made me so melancholic it was hard to fight the tears.

I wasn't ready to let him go, not at all. I would never be ready, but I tried to tell myself differently. I didn't want to crush the last hope I had left.

Edward was the one to lay the table, and he surprised me as I walked into the dining room with the food in my hands to place on the table.

"Edward, gosh, this is so pretty." _Ugh, definitely the wrong choice of words. _

He laughed. "Thanks."

He had turned off the lamps, and let the room be lit up by several candles, placed on the table. The regular tablecloth had been replaced to one in a deep burgundy color, and he'd folded our napkins in a complicated shape. Two lanterns were lit in the window.

In all its simplicity, it was perfect. Cozy. The dim lights of the candles gave the room a different atmosphere; the light was so perfect as it shone on the paintings on the walls.

Had he really done that for me?

"No wonder Sheila fell for you so hard when you can lay the table like this, huh?" I instantly regretted my words. _Why, Isabella, why? WHY??? _

He didn't answer.

I bit my lip. "Well, let's eat!"

"And we can have your cookies for dessert!" he suggested.

"With pleasure, Cullen."

"You're welcome to sit down Swan," he joked, pulling out the chair from me.

"Thank you," I said politely. He smiled, and I died inside.

I couldn't believe _this _was what I was missing out on. _This _was my confirmed paradise – the place where I wanted to be, always. I never wanted to leave his side. Ugh, I was the clingiest best friend in the universe.

Edward was better than me at cooking, probably because he found it fun, and he was the reason to why the dinner was amazing. I complimented him several times, and he awkwardly run his fingers through his hair and told me that I was the one who'd done everything.

His company was my everything. In that place with him, I knew it. The way he spoke of something he was passionate about, the way his fingers looked when he held his fork, they way he so often ran his hand through his hair, the way his eyes looked in the sparely lit room, the way he looked at me when we talked, the way he smiled at me… It made me shrink to one little Bella Swan. Smaller than ever.

He was my perfect match. Maybe it was selfish to consider it, but us together, I knew we were much better suited for each other than Sheila and Edward. Because Edward and I had known each other for our entire lives, I was a piece of a jigsaw that only suited with Edward. I wanted to be his so badly.

After having eaten and cleaned up, Edward wanted to watch a movie.

"_James Bond?_" I wondered skeptically at his choice as we entered the living room, a bit flat screen hanging on the wall. "You're making me watch James Bond?"

"Bella, James Bond is so the best. I can't believe you've never watched a single movie!"

I snorted. "Seriously, Edward I'm not that much for action."

"Then you will be, after this movie."

I sighed. "Okay."

I was still a little dizzy from our meal together, and our closeness in the couch didn't make me feel better. I couldn't concentrate on the movie. It was a relief when Edward turned it off after its end, sitting down next to me.

And that was when I let an impulse take over. A really big impulse.

"Edward, I need to tell you something." The words shocked me. _No! No, no, no, NO! _That wasn't me speaking. It was somebody else. I had _not_ decided to let those words slip out of my mouth. What was I doing? Was I considering telling him everything of how I felt? Was I in the middle of doing it?

How could I? It was stupid and selfish. On top of it, it would ruin everything that I needed so badly. His friendship, his company. The fact that he saw me, shot me glances, smiled at me. It was enough, just as long as I knew that he was happy. That was all I cared about – he _had _to be happy.

What had made me change my mind, the fact that he had invited me here without Sheila? Damn, why did I have to get so overconfident over something so stupid?

"Sure. What's up?" he said, running a hand through his tousled bronze hair. It made my mouth go dry. The way his eyes were looking warmly at me made my brain stop.

"I – " What was I supposed to say? Why was I even preparing to tell him everything? He didn't feel the same way for me. I knew it, deep down, I knew it.

I closed my eyes for a short second, nervous, unhappy, indecisive. I was slowly deciding to tell him, from the beginning, everything. He had to know. He had to. I couldn't bear this any longer. Sheila was like a distant cloud, far away.

"Hey, Bella, is something wrong?" he wondered softly, reaching out to take my hand. His was warm, and as he stroke mine, something clicked inside of me.

If there was one fragile possibility that my feelings were reciprocated, then maybe it was worth to risk it all. For _him_. He was everything after all, everything that mattered.

"Yes," I whispered hoarsely, suddenly all I wanted was to melt in his arms, curl into his embrace. Feel his warm hands softly stroking me, consoling me.

"What's wrong?" he asked, gripping my hand tighter.

I bit my lip. The tears were building up inside. _Ugh. _I was so pathetic. _Just do it, Bella! Tell him! _What if it wouldn't be worth it?

"You need to know something, Edward," I began, staring into his confused green eyes. God, I loved him so much that I couldn't believe what I was doing.

"You can tell me everything."

It was difficult to continue. Slowly, I was chickening out. "It's just…" I paused to sigh. "Do you remember, before I moved to Paris?"

He nodded. "Of course."

"I was so unhappy when I left… and it was difficult for me to adapt there… I missed you so much…"

"I missed you a lot too." His grip around my hand loosened a little. It bothered me.

"And the thing is that…" I had to pause, to prepare myself mentally for admitting it. Maybe I was making the biggest mistake of my life. "I'm in love with you." The last sentence came pouring out quickly, luckily without stumbling over the words. I closed my eyes in the brief of a second, before anxiously seeing his reaction.

He was staring at me, his eyes widened. I took it as a sign to continue and swallowed quickly. "Because you're my best friend, and you're always so nice to me when no one else is. And you know me like no one else, and you listen, and you care. And it's been like that for what feels like forever, and… And I never told you anything because I knew you weren't feeling the same.

"The only reason to why I didn't want to move to Paris was because of how much I loved you. That time apart killed me. And when you stopped calling every day I wanted to die. I cried every night because I missed you so, so, much. And you kissed me those two times before I left, and that was what kept me alive. I thought that maybe you felt the same.

"And when I came back to Forks, and you introduced me to Sheila…" I paused. "It was as if you burned me alive. To see that you'd found someone else while I was gone was so, so, painful. And the fact that you'd _proposed _to her after five months. I didn't understand. And maybe I was stupid for believing that maybe you wanted me, but it was so difficult to realize you didn't.

"And ever since I saw that ring on her finger I can't seem to find my old life again. I'm just so unhappy, it's as if everywhere I'm reminded of that you don't love me back. Because I know that I will never want anyone else but you. You're my best friend and… I know you so well, and you know me even better. And the thought of that I won't spend the rest of my life with you makes me so miserable I don't know what's left or right. And what's even worse is to know that Sheila's getting everything I'll ever wish for. Even though she deserves you better and is a hundred times better than me at everything, I just won't ever love anyone else but you.

"I know that you're so much more perfect than me. I just… I just can't seem to tell myself that my future is not with you." The last words were just whispers.

He was still staring at me, and when I finished speaking, different emotions flashed across his face, until his eyes turned into soft oceans of green.

"Bella," he started. "I don't know what to say."

"It doesn't matter what you say, I've already spoiled everything."

"I missed you so much when you were in Paris, too," he whispered. "But – "

The tone of his voice revealed it all, I didn't need a translation. I closed my eyes and bit down hard on my lip, my hands bowling into fists. The doom.

"But, I'm engaged to Sheila."

He didn't love me back. He'd never done. Those two stupid pecks on my lips eight months ago had just been a fucking game. They had never meant anything, he had never thought of me as anyone else than his best friend.

Edward loved Sheila. He had never, and would never love me back.

Even though I had known it all along, deep down, the waves of disappointment that rolled over me were so huge it was suddenly hard to breathe and think straight. _Oh, Edward. _

I had opened the door to my heart for him, but he had gently closed it. But that was fine; I wasn't going to make the mistake of opening it again.

He stared a little apologetically back at me, and I knew that this moment had always been inevitable. I was never able to lock my feelings into a jar, and simply put it somewhere so I wouldn't open it again.

"It doesn't matter anyway," I whispered, rising from the couch. The tears were burning behind my eyelids. Soon, I wouldn't be able to fight them any longer. "I should leave," I choked out, the sobs threatening behind my breaking façade.

"Bella!" He rose as well, but I was already walking quickly out of the room towards the door. That damn door. I would have loved to stay, but I knew that I couldn't. Not after him turning me down gently.

_Oh my god! _I couldn't believe that I had _told _him, that I had actually revealed how much he meant to me, how much I loved him. And I couldn't believe that it was all for nothing. He didn't love me that way, he never would. Everything was spoiled.

I quickly pulled on my jacket as Edward's soft hand closed around my wrist. My pulse quickened, but the brutal pain inside was more prominent. It overshadowed everything.

"Bella, I'm sorry but – "

"It doesn't matter," I interrupted.

"Yes it matters, you matter a lot, Bella."

"No, I don't," I said stubbornly, trying to focus on breathing, so the tears wouldn't start to run.

I gripped my bag, closing my eyes. "Edward, I'm sorry I have to leave."

"Don't go," he begged, still not letting go of my wrist. "Please."

But I loosened the grip he had around my arm, and turned for the door. My truck was still outside. I didn't bother to say goodbye as I closed the door behind me.

I had spoiled everything. _Again. _

**A/N: ALL OF YOU GUYS **_**HAVE **_**TO READ CHAPTER 22!!! PROMISE ME THAT!!! THIS IS NOT THE END!!! THIS IS NOT THE END! THERE IS HOPE!**

_**PREVIEWS FOR REVIEWERS! **_

**This isn't the end! Okay? There WILL be a happily every after!!! PROMISE! I know, what a cliffhanger! I'll try to get the next chapter out asap.**


	22. Pain

**Disclaimer: Do I really need one? Everybody knows I don't own twilight. **

Chapter 22

Pain

_Pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up! Please pick up, Alice, please! _

The signals passed, with no reply. What time was it? Ten? What time was it in Paris? Morning? Was she in school? Why couldn't she pick up when I needed her the most, why? Why?

And so my call went into voicemail. French-speaking Alice was turning me down gently. If she only knew what was going on, if she only knew.

I couldn't believe what I had done. I couldn't seem to realize that I had actually found the courage to tell Edward how I felt about him. And at the same time, I couldn't seem to understand that it had all been for nothing.

All along, I had known that there had been a risk in telling him, a big one. A prominent possibility that his feelings were not the same as mine. But something inside me had been convinced that I was going to stubbornly tell him anyway. How could I have been so tremendously stupid? How could I even have considered telling him? It was so bizarre.

From the moment he had uttered that single words from his lips, I had known that I had made a huge, fatal, mistake beyond repair. Couldn't I have thought of the consequences beforehand? Couldn't I have realized that it was most likely for him to tell me that he was engaged to Sheila?

What would happen to our friendship now? Had I ruined it? The pumping, aching, poison inside of me revealed that I had. I had ruined everything.

What was I going to do without Edward? What would I do without his friendship, his company? I wasn't ready to let go, that was exactly what I had told myself, all along. I simply wasn't ready to let Edward Cullen go. Because I needed him, so, so much.

It was as if I realized, then and there, fully how much he had to be a part of my life. The moment I had let the door cut off our meeting, the pain had been taken to a new level.

Something was killing me from inside. Something was spreading quickly, hurting everywhere and nowhere at the same time. If I closed my eyes, the beating worsened. If I tried to breathe properly, my lungs were attacked by the evil, suffocating pain.

I wanted to crawl into a little pile of nothing, I wanted to shrink until I was smaller than a pebble, I wanted to be crushed into small pieces of dust. I wanted to disappear. I wanted the pain to go away. I wanted to travel back in time and stop myself from making the biggest mistake of my life.

What was Edward thinking? Oh, Edward. Why did I have to leave? Why couldn't I have stayed, just a little while more? Why couldn't I have looked into his eyes one last time? Something for me to remember while I sat at home, cold and alone, without anyone to turn to.

Alice was an ocean away, Angela didn't know about my feelings for Edward, and Jacob didn't understand.

Everything was futile. What was I supposed to do? Just crawl into that little ball and let the nothingness eat me, or try to act indifferent?

I chose the first alternative.

The tears were inevitable. But I didn't notice them at first. Suddenly I realized, as I caught a quick glance of my mirror reflection, that clear silver streaks were adorning my cheeks, that my eyes were read and swollen. As this became clear, the sobs started.

I had called Alice from the kitchen phone, noticing how the cookies and not were still on the table – Charlie wasn't home.

I didn't know if that was a good or bad thing as I started to let the sobs take over. I asked myself what point there was in going to my room as I fell down onto the floor, letting my cheek rest against its cold touch.

My mind turned off as I lied there, becoming number for every heartbeat. Staring emptily in front of me, all that was in my head was stills of _him_. Would I ever see him again?

After a while, the sobs stopped. This made me squeeze my eyes tight together, hoping to be transferred somewhere else. I wanted to get out of the constant misery that was torturing me.

I had fallen asleep when Charlie came home, and woke up the next morning on top of my bed, fully dressed.

My eyelids were heavy and swollen as I found myself lying in my bed, and not on the hallway floor. And then the unbearable memories from the evening before came crushing over me like a giant rock.

It was impossible to breathe. The ability had slipped through my fingers. Even though I reached for it constantly, it was futile. My lungs were ruined. Every time I inhaled, something inside prevented me from taking a breath. The pain stupefied me. It was futile trying to work again – I was breaking.

I didn't know what time it was as I let the emptiness take over. I allowed it to overwhelm me with every cell of my body. I turned off. I sank into an unbreakable trance. The only thing I was forced to continue doing was blinking, and to take short, meaningless, breaths.

Edward. Fuck.

I had ruined everything! Everything I had built up these last ten years! Everything I had fought for, none other than me had carelessly ruined it.

Of course it was I, Bella, who had spoiled what otherwise would have been enough. Not perfect, but enough. Enough to continue on with living.

What would I do without him now? What was I _supposed _to do? Get up? Change clothes? Eat? Shower? Call Alice again?

My perspective of time disappeared as I lied there, completely shut out from everything else. The only sound audible was my relentless breaths. They bothered me. Would I die if I stopped breathing?

I wanted to die. I didn't want to live without Edward. Would I see him again? Would he flee the country with Sheila, in fear of meeting me?

That was when my cell phone started ringing. It was positioned on my bedside table. Funny, I hadn't put it there, had I? It had to have been Charlie.

God, what was I going to tell Charlie?

The only reason to why I answered was because Alice's calls had a personal ring tone. Spice Girls weren't singing – it was another, beeping, sound. A stressing one, a sign that it was Alice, something that told me to hurry up and answer!

"Alice?" I whispered into the phone after having seen that it was seven in the morning. Charlie was asleep. How long had I stared up at the ceiling?

"Bella? _Oui, c'est moi._"

"Hi," I croaked.

"Bella? Is somezing wrong? You don't sound very well…"

"I'm not."

"Bella? What 'as 'appened? _Dis-moi! _I saw you 'ad called me before…"

"Alice, I'm going to die."

"_What?_ Are you sick? 'Ave you been to ze doctor? Bella, tell me what 'as 'appened?"

My lower lip started to tremble. Why was Alice so far away? Why did she have to live in France? Why couldn't she be here right now? _Why had I told Edward that I loved him???_

"Alice," I began, feeling the tears burn behind my eyelids. "I-I-I – "

"Isabella! What 'as 'appened? _Quoi s'est passé?_"

"I told Edward," I whispered, and could almost feel her eyes widen.

She gasped. "What did you tell Edward?" she yelled – I knew that she already knew the answer.

"That I loved him."

"_What did he say Bella, what did he say?_"

Ugh, why did I always have to become so emotional? Was crying always the best solution? _Oh yes it was. _

"Alice, he doesn't love me back," I sobbed, sitting up on the bed. "He's never had. He never will. He's marrying Sheila." Saying her name was like a blow into my stomach, it made me loose breath.

She was quiet. Everything that was possible to hear was her deep breaths, making me anxious.

"Everything is lost isn't it?" I said between the tears running down my red face. "I've spoiled everything now, right? We can't continue being friends?"

"Did you actually tell 'im?" she demanded. "Everyzing? Zat you loved 'im?"

I nodded. "Yes, Alice. I know it was stupid – I was so selfish. And so selfish to believe that he was feeling the same. Be-because he's engaged to Sheila, and he will be until he marries her."

"_Mon Dieu, _oh my god."

"Alice you have to help me," I whispered. "I don't want to be here, I want to be with you. Take me away, otherwise I want to die."

"Bella I do not know what you should do."

"Please help me."

"Why did you 'ave to tell 'im?"

"I'm so stupid," I explained. I was. I hated myself so much; I truly despised myself more than ever. If possible, more than when I had realized what I had been doing to Mike.

She made a weird noise. "And I was so, so, so sure zat 'e loved you back, too. If zis wouldn't 'ave 'appened, I would 'ave sworn on my life he loved you. Ze way 'e looked at you…"

"Not helping, Al," I complained, staring up at the ceiling. "Just tell me what to do, I'm going to explode."

"Do not show 'im 'ow you're feeling right now. Keep it a secret."

"Should I tell Jake?"

"If you want."

"Charlie?"

"Not ze entire truz."

I suffocated another sob. "Alice, Alice."

"Oh, Bella!" she exclaimed. "I don't know what to do, being in Paris while you are in Forks. I am so sorry, I am so sorry. I am sorry, it is my fault."

"It's not your fault," I assured her. "Why would it be?"

She sighed. "Because I made you believe he loved you."

I couldn't deny that, I simply couldn't. And then I started crying for real, while hearing her consoling words on the other line. I missed Alice so much, but nothing was more prominent than the painful fact that Edward would be ripped out of my life.

I threw the cell phone on the floor after having hung up, groaning while lying down in my bed. I curled into a little ball again, staring emptily in front of me. Time passed again without me noticing it. After a while, the door was opened with a low creak, and I shut my eyes tight.

_Go away, Charlie. Please, please, _please_, just go away. _

"Hey," he began softly, opening the door widely.

I didn't answer. My eyes were still shut. It was as if he knew, the way his words were coming out softly from his mouth. There was pity in his voice. I groaned again.

He couldn't possibly realize what I was feeling, going through, right now. No one could. No one could understand how excruciatingly painful it was to hear that the person who mattered most in your world did not love you back. The tears threatened behind my eyes again.

I missed him, so, so, much, even though it was mere hours since I had last seen him. He was the only one I wanted to see right now. Charlie didn't matter.

"What happened yesterday?" he wanted to know in the same soft voice. I flipped position in the bed, turning my back against him.

"Do I have to tell you?" I whispered.

"Bella, I came home finding you asleep on the hallway floor with tears still on your cheeks and your eyes swollen. And you had just been at Edward's. So yes, an explanation would be just perfect."

"I think I want to be alone."

He sighed. "Okay, Bell. Just tell me if you need anything."

_Could you get me Edward?_

I nodded.

Before leaving, he just had to say something else. "Bells, I'm worried. I know that I'm not the one you want to talk to… but something happened at Edward's yesterday, right?"

I closed my eyes. "Dad – "

"Okay, okay, okay," he interrupted, backing. "I'm sorry. I just… I don't want to be so helpless."

He didn't leave, I could hear him breathing as he stood in the doorway. "I do know what it's like, you know," he said, leaving me puzzled. I had to turn around.

"What?"

His gaze averted to the floor, and then back to me again. "When your mother left, and took you with her… That was not a good time for me."

I froze. Did he know? How could he know? I hadn't been talking in my sleep, had I? Oh my god, what if he knew? What if he had known all along? How _much _did he know?

I didn't answer, just looked at him. "I thought about doing all these crazy things, instead. Ease the pain…"

I blinked.

He sighed again. "Just tell me if you need anything." And then he left.

How could Charlie know? How could he know? Had I shown him that much? He puzzled me. I became embarrassed, did he know that I had been denied? But how could he know?

I pushed my head down on the pillow, closing my eyes.

The pain was still there, maybe even stronger than ever. What could I do to ease it? _Edward… _something echoed inside of my head.

But what if Edward wasn't available, if he'd never ever be so again? Then, what? What was I supposed to do?

Jake… Jake, Jake was just… Jacob wouldn't…

Jacob wouldn't understand.

On the other hand, no one could possibly understand what I was going through, what was running through my stupid head.

I just missed Edward so much. That was the only thing that was possible for me to think of, I still missed him. Every little cell in my body ached to be in his presence, to see him in front of me. It was just too painful to realize that he was no longer in my future.

How much had I spoilt? Did it exist such a thing as a hope? A hope that allowed me to still keep him, even though he was aware of the violent feelings I had for him? How much had I lost? Was it possible to ever get it back?

What if this was the end, of everything? What if this was all I was able to do for the rest of my life?

I didn't want to think like that, it hurt to know that what I had done had ruined everything. How, how, how, _how _could I have told him, just like that? How could I have been so incredibly blind and stupid, naïve?

This was worse than a break-up. How did girls handle the fact that their only one had denied them? Did it pass, would the emotional pain ever fade thoroughly? I felt like throwing up. Something wanted to get out of my chest, clawing its way out. It hit everything, and it hurt.

I was breaking, slowly. My breathing was the first proof of that something was seriously wrong. More wrong than before. Because when there was still hope of that my future might circle a little around Edward, there hadn't been a stupid little animal sucking up all that existed inside.

Someone was vacuum cleaning inside of me, tearing out everything from its place in my mind. It gave me a headache, nausea, pain and an incredible ache of that something important was missing.

He was in my only thought. The many times he had laughed at me, with me, talked to me, seen me, waved to me, smiled at me, kept up with me, accepting me.

He never made me feel invisible – he always noticed me. No matter how little sound I made, he always noticed me – even when I didn't want him to.

He was always nice to me. He was always so kind, selfless and caring. He always knew me inside out; he always let me know how much he was happy to be with me.

Would Edward really disappear?

If he did, then what would happen to me? I was ashamed to admit that I was _nothing _without him, an empty shell. An empty shell containing nothing, because none of my insides mattered without him. Nothing mattered if I didn't know I always have Edward, ready to help me whenever I needed him.

I didn't go to school the next day. I couldn't bear to pretend that everything was fine, I wasn't able of playing a stupid charade for everybody.

And I didn't go in fear of meeting _him_.

What would happen? Would everything be the same? Or would he simple cease to notice me?

The thought made me want to vomit.

Renée had always told me that it was easy to get dependent on a boy. But she had never told me how much actual truth there actually was in her words. I almost couldn't believe it was physically possible to fall so hard for someone, so much. It was hard to believe how much he meant to me, how everything circled around him. He was… he was the centre of my universe.

If I had had my way, I would have stayed home during the Tuesday as well. But Charlie stubbornly told me how nothing would get better if I stayed at home. _If he only knew._

I was chickening out as I drove to school. I had heard nothing from Edward these past days, and I took that as a negative sign. He had already started taking distance. It made me on the verge of tears.

But as I pulled up in front of the school, there was no silver Volvo parked outside. Edward was always early, earlier than me. Why hadn't he come?

A part of me saw it as a relief, while another part broke down. Because that small part had hoped that there was a fragile possibility of seeing him again. Just looking, not speaking. But watching his graceful motions from behind. It was the only reason I had gone to school in the first place.

I did my best to act somewhat normal during lunch, not knowing if I succeeded or not. When Angela asked the question where Edward was, I simply told her that I didn't have an answer to that question. Luckily, she seemed content with that. Just that simple answer. Bella, who usually knew everything about Edward, didn't, for once, know where he was.

And so two more days passed. Wednesday and Thursday went by, still without a trace from Edward.

Where could he be? Where could he have gone, so quickly, without telling me? Maybe he didn't think of me as his best friend anymore… I shivered.

Was he sick? Should I… call?

_No. _

_Why not?_

_Because he doesn't want to hear from you. _

What if he didn't want to hear of me? What if he wanted me to disappear, disappear from his life?

God, I missed him so much. I was so pathetic, only being able to focus on him.

What was I supposed to do? What could possibly ease the pain? Would it always be like this?

These were the questions I asked myself that Thursday afternoon, hovering over a Trig homework at the kitchen table. Somehow, I was able to focus a little bit on what was written in the book in front of me. But it had become a habit for my mind to drift away now and then, as what I read faded a little inside.

Smattering rain coming from outside did little to distract me. I had lived her for my entire life, if one not counted with the months I had spent in Paris. The rain was now more a piece of my everyday. Sometimes I even missed the sound.

Charlie wasn't home yet. I had gotten used to only have myself as only company.

There was a roaring sound coming from outside – the sound of an engine being stubbornly being forced to its edge of speed. The hammering rain quieted the, what otherwise would have been a terrifying, sound. I went to the kitchen window to look what could have caused the noise. From inside, it looked like a familiar silver Volvo. And suddenly Edward had parked outside of my house, and was running towards the door. I stopped breathing. It was impossible not to recognize him.

The door was unlocked, and suddenly he was standing in the doorway, his hair wet from the rain, his breath coming out in pants. He'd run from the car. "Bella," he whispered, looking at me as he had never done before. My heart stopped in my chest. Everything ceased to exist.

"Did you really think I didn't love you Bella?" he whispered. And then he took three long strides towards me, capturing me into his arms. He was so close, his breath so sweet, the warmth from his body radiating through me. I melted. "I love you," he whispered, before pressing his lips to mine.

And suddenly I was kissing him, a _real _kiss. Me, Bella Swan, was freaking _kissing _Edward Cullen. _SHIT! _

And Sheila ceased to exist, too, with everything. She didn't matter. Only Edward mattered, the fact that I was finally in his arms. Oh my god, I had almost forgotten how soft his lips were… I had almost forgotten how warm he was… how perfect he was… My inner pains faded, because he completed me. He completed me like no one else would ever be able to.

He pulled away, only to look deeply into my eyes. "I can't believe you thought… last Friday…"

As I looked into his green oceans, it was difficult to fight the tears. My heart was going crazy inside my chest. His arms wrapped around me, our faces so close, his scent…

It was difficult to realize what was going on. It was so hard to believe what he was telling me.

_I love you. _He had uttered _those _words, the once I had told him secretly inside my head too many times. He had told _me _that. It couldn't really be possible, could it? It was all too far-fetched. I was dreaming.

When I thought of how many tears I had shed for the person holding me in his arms, a small tear found its way down my cheek. Ugh, I was so pathetic.

Memories from the past days rushed over me. My mind couldn't let go of how much I had grieved the loss of him, and the fact that he was now in front of me, and I in his arms, made me dizzy.

He anxiously wiped the tear away with his thumb. "Why are you crying?"

I had to be dreaming, I simply had to be dreaming. These things did not occur in real life. In my life, kissing Edward and hearing him saying he loved me like I loved him did not exist. Because in my life existed things such as Sheila, and the fact that Edward had turned me down. In my life existed obstacles, like the fact that he had denied me, and that I would have to get used to a life without him.

"Bella, why are you crying?" he wondered softly as I bit my lip. Another tear had escaped from my left eye. Well the right one, seen from his perspective. "Have you… have you changed your mind?" he wanted to know hesitantly, loosening his hold around me.

I shook my head. "No." My skin was so warm where his thumb had touched my face.

"Why are you crying?"

"Do you really love me?" I wanted to know.

He chuckled. "Of course I love you, silly girl. I love you with all my heart, I always have." And then he kissed me again, while my belly filled with butterflies. I could get used to this.

**A/N: **_**PREVIEWS!**___**Okay, so I totally all made up for the last chapter now didn't I? BELLA AND EDWARD ARE TOGETHER! Check out how I handle the topic of Sheila in chapter 23. Haha. That will be the last chapter also, I'm pretty sure…**

**Thanks for the reviews by the way!!! Love you all! Thanks for sticking with me even though it feels like I only write fillers. **

**BUT! Quick update, huh? I am so proud? ;D**


	23. Anyone Else But You

**Disclaimer: Do I really need one? Everybody knows I don't own twilight. **

Chapter 23

Anyone Else But You

I had just kissed Edward. No, _Edward _had just kissed _me_. Like, for real. For real, for real. I had _not _been dreaming, because I had just shared the most awesome kiss with my best friend. I knew this for a fact; since on the many occasions I had pinched my arm, I hadn't woken up. _And_, I could actually _feel _when he touched me. I could_ feel _how the goose bumps were raising as he touched me.

_Never stop touching me, Edward. Ever. Never stop looking at me like that. Ever. _

The way he looked at me, there weren't words to describe everything visible and clear in his eyes.

It didn't matter if this boy had made me feel worse than ever before in my life. It didn't matter that he probably had an awaiting fiancée somewhere. It didn't matter if our friendship was now at stakes. It. Didn't. Matter. Nothing mattered now, as long as he was concerned. The only thing important was that he had just admitted to me, that he loved me.

I couldn't possibly understand, not even for one minute, how those three words coming out of his mouth could have been true. Nevertheless, it didn't make me stop believe in then.

Did he actually, truly, love me? Had he just told me the three words that I had longed to hear during such a long period of time? Could it be true, _was _it true?

All of the questions made me squeeze my eyes tight shut. Edward noticed.

"Bella, what's wrong?"

I looked at him. "Do you really, really, love me?"

He smiled the crooked smile, and made my legs turn into jelly. "Yes, Bella. I love you."

"How – "

"Shh…" He silenced me with. "Just believe me, Bella. I do. I love you so much. More than you can possibly imagine." He smiled again. It sent shivers down my spine.

"I love you, too," I whispered, too shy to ask for another kiss. Fortunately, he read my mind and once again softly pressed his lips to mine.

"But," he started after pulling away. "I think we need to talk."

I bit my lip. He was right. Things had happened so quickly. After all, I never would have expected him to storm into my house to admit his love for me.

_His love for me… _

Oh my god, it was just unbelievable how he made me feel. I still couldn't get the butterflies inside of my stomach to stop flying around like crazy in his presence.

Wasn't I dreaming? How could this have happened? Did I really deserve this? _Or_, did I really deserve the pain after waking up, having realized that this scenario was nothing more than a dream. _Please let me be awake, please let me be awake, please let me be awake, please let me be awake… _

I would die if I were dreaming, I truly would. I would not go to school; I would not show myself to Charlie. I would run off to Paris to live with Alice and Jasper, and spend the last pointless days of my life crying.

He saw how the confusion and worry spread across my face, and carefully stroke my cheek. My vision became blurred.

"Don't worry."

"Let's go to my room," I whispered, dazzled to madness. It didn't matter though. I could take it. I could learn how to live with it.

"Okay."

We walked up the stairs, and into my room. Edward closed the door and sat down on the little floor area, suggesting me to sit next to him.

I took a deep breath, figuring that the subject I wanted to bring up simply couldn't be ignored.

"First, I just have to ask…" I started.

"Yeah," he encouraged warmly.

"Uh – " I didn't have the guts to even say her name. "What about…" Pause, pause, pause, pause. JUST SPIT IT OUT BELLA! "Sheila?" I posed the name as a question, and then quickly continued. "Not that I didn't want you to come, but I just can't help wondering… Because you're still engaged… and I don't know anything because I don't want to hurt her or spoil something… but when you said that you love me… I was just… Did you really mean it?"

He looked at me, simply looked.

"You shouldn't…" I paused. I couldn't believe what I was saying; maybe I wasn't as selfish as I had thought after all. "You shouldn't… be with me, when Sheila still thinks that – "

Oh my god. I squeezed my eyes shut tightly. I was spoiling everything. _Again. _Why did I always have to do that? _Why? _Why was I so tremendously stupid?

It would hurt even more as he left this time. I would know what could have been, if I simply hadn't moved to Paris. I would have known how it felt like to really kiss him, to really hear those three words being told to me, coming from _him. _

When he would leave, I would die. It was a fact.

I wanted to question being selfless. Did I really deserve being hurt so much more than I had already been? What would happen when he left?

Were these precious moments with him really worth losing a lifetime with him around me? Were they? Because now, I would never be able to find happiness again. Unless there wasn't an Edward Cullen-clone somewhere, waiting for me to find him. I doubted there existed such a thing.

The pain already started taking over as I tried to breathe properly, preparing mentally for what was about to come out from his mouth. He would agree. He would apologize for being so blind and return to Sheila, only to tell her that I wouldn't be bothering them anymore.

_Perfection. _

"Do you know why I was away these past days?" he said.

His answer puzzled me. I slowly opened my eyes. _What? _Would this, in the end, lead to his goodbye? I closed my eyes again.

"No," I whispered, already feeling the needles stabbing me inside.

"I went to Seattle."

"Sheila's competition." The tears were burning behind my eyelids.

"Yes."

I slowly curled into a little ball, wrapping my arms around my torso.

"Do you know why I went there?"

_I don't think I want to know. _I shook my head, and suddenly felt his hand stroke my hair. I froze. Was he really doing that before leaving me forever? Wasn't he supposed to – I didn't know – take distance? It would be the natural solution, wouldn't it? The end, with as little pain as possible. I relaxed a little under his touch, but just the slightest.

"No, I don't know," I replied.

"I went there to call off our engagement."

My eyes flew open, and I look into his eyes only to notice an aura of honesty shining through them. My heart sped up in my chest.

"Wh-what?" I demanded. "What? You were going to call off the engagement?"

He nodded.

"But why? She loves you and you love her. It would break her heart – you would hurt her. Why would you do that? She _loves _you?" My pitch rose. God, I didn't know what I was saying. I didn't want to try to convince him to stay with Sheila! I wanted him to be with me! How come I was doing the exact opposite?

There had to be something wrong with my brain.

He pressed his lips together into a tight line. "That's not entirely true," he whispered, the hurt so prominent in his voice. I didn't understand.

"What?"

"I went to call of the engagement, I realized it right after you'd told me how you felt. Because then I realized that I couldn't live in denial any longer, that Sheila would never mean as much to me as you did. I don't want to be with anyone else with you."

I was touched. I was beyond words.

"In Seattle, I went to the hotel Sheila had checked into. She had left me the number of the room, and I went there… to let her know that we had to break up in person. I just couldn't do it over the phone." He frowned. "I wish I'd done that now."

"What happened?" I wanted to know.

"She obviously hadn't expected company… I found her with some other guy…"

My eyes widened. "_What?_"

He nodded.

"_What?_" I repeated.

_Sheila had cheated on Edward? _Perfect, flawless, Sheila? Had she _cheated _on Edward? I couldn't believe it. Out of all people to cheat on their fiancés, Sheila was the last person I would have expected. Because she was without faults, she had everything one could possibly wish to possess.

I supposed it wasn't difficult for her to find someone else beside Edward. Her looks were so faultless it was almost surreal. She was so beautiful, sometimes even prettier than Rosalie.

I couldn't for one minute realize _why _she would do such a thing? Who would cheat on _Edward_? Edward was… everything. He was more perfect than Sheila. Edward was the person one could ever be in need of. Edward was… Edward.

And then the pity came. And I realized what an idiot I was for not saying anything else.

"Edward," I started, baffled and puzzled to an edge of madness. "Edward, I'm so sorry."

He sighed. "It doesn't matter. It was harsh, but it doesn't matter. Now that I have you, it doesn't matter." He smiled weakly.

I threw my arms around him, without thinking. "I'm sorry, I'm so, so, sorry. _How could she do that?_ I don't understand. You're everything…

"Apparently, she didn't love me anymore either."

What did he mean? Didn't he love Sheila anymore?

Even though I knew he was hurt, and that I was supposed to console him, I felt my pulse race. Didn't he love Sheila anymore?

I pressed my face into the crook of his neck, smelling him. Poor Edward, poor, poor, Edward. The fact that he had been so noble, the fact that he had _traveled _to Seattle, only to see Sheila in the arms of someone else.

She was a bitch.

Why? I couldn't seem to realize _how _she was capable of such a thing. Every single moment I had spent with her, I had found it so obvious how much she loved Edward. Had that, all of a sudden, changed?

For how long had this been something she kept from Edward? Had she never loved him enough?

"Oh, Edward, I'm sorry," I said, melting next to him. "I'm so sorry, I don't know what to say, I'm so –" I paused. "Do you know, if-if it's been going on for a long time?"

He sighed. "I don't know, Bella. I'm just… I'm just upset, I guess…"

"When did it happen?"

He wrapped his arms around me. "Yesterday."

"Edward, I'm so sorry… I never thought… _Sheila _out of all people, she's so perfect, she's everything…"

Desperately, I tried to console him. The way his eyes scanned across the room witnessed of that he was _hurt_, really hurt. I wanted to make him feel better; I didn't want to see him like this. I loved him, whatever he felt in his heart, I also felt in mine. If there were anything I could do to make him feel happy again, I would do it. Even if it meant I had to sacrifice my own happiness for him.

"Can I do anything for you?" I wondered quietly, holding him.

"Don't leave," he simply said.

"I won't."

I still couldn't melt the fact that Sheila wasn't as perfect as I had thought in the first place. She had cheated on Edward. It was just… so surreal. Whenever I pictured Sheila inside of my head, she was always the most flawless creature… so innocent and so kind, caring and generous.

What sane person would not be perfectly happy with Edward?

"Do you know… why?" Was I very callous for continuing with asking questions? Maybe it was best to leave the topic alone? Was it?

He shook his head. "No, I don't. I don't even think I want to know." He held me tighter. "Bella you're so beautiful," he whispered into my ear.

I felt the blood pulsing into every little part of my body. The blush spread across my cheeks.

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, right. I'm not pretty…"

"Bella, beauty is in the eye of the beholder," he assured me, pulling away to look at me clearly.

"Psh, bullshit," I said stubbornly, a little disappointed to let him go.

"I think you're the most beautiful person I have ever seen."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, right. Just look at Sheila. _She _is beautiful." I regretted the words once they were out. _Why _in the name of God did I have to bring up Sheila? I was so stupid.

He didn't smile back at me. "Sheila is nothing compared to you, Bella," he said seriously, staring deeply into my eyes. "I regret proposing to her so much. I'm so sorry, Bella. I'm so sorry I was so stupid and so blind. I was an idiot, letting her fool me like that, and hurting you so much at the same time."

I bit my lip.

"Don't apologize."

"Why not?" he demanded. "I can't understand how much I've been missing out on. Bella, if you had asked me, I would have followed you to Paris."

My eyes widened. "You would?"

"Of course, I was head over heels in love with you! I still am." I blushed. "No one make me feel like you do," he assured me.

"But then – " I just had to ask. I had to. If I didn't receive the answer soon, I would die of brooding over the answer. There was one thing I was begging to find out. "Why did you guys get… together in the first place? I mean… if you love me – "

"Which I do, and always will," he interrupted.

"Then why did you propose to her?" I wondered shyly.

He took my hand in his, stroking it softly one time. His hand was so warm, mine so cold… Some things would never change. Like the way I almost jumped as my pulse raised when I saw him. Or how dazzled I became, simply by letting him hold my hand. My mouth turned dry, and for one little moment I forgot completely who I was, and what I was doing.

"Bella, please forgive me. I was so stupid I – " He sighed. "When you left, I was so confused. Because I thought that finally I could have you, that time at lunch, the day before… when I kissed you… I swear I've never been so happy.

"And then when you called me, it was as if I couldn't understand what had happened. I mean… _Finally _it had happened, what I'd waited for… And you were moving to Paris. It was very cliché in a way you know.

"Then when you left I became so confused, because I missed you so much. Nothing was the same without you, and I started – I'm sorry but I – I started to forget how incredibly happy you made me feel, and how everything was so good with you.

"I was very unhappy, and then I met Sheila …"

"We met, and she was almost as perfect as I remembered you, _almost_." I blushed. "Suddenly she was taking the initiative, and we became… friends. Suddenly more than that." He paused.

"She made me heal again, a little, from our separation. She made me believe I didn't need you as much as I did. Not by saying it, by the way she made me feel."

I just had to ask. "Did you… love her?" Wasn't it best to be honest all the way now, when suddenly all of the secrets had been revealed, or would soon be revealed?

He nodded. "Yes, I loved her. But you have to know that I love you more."

I bit my lip. Where was his story going? From my point of view, it seemed as if Sheila had been the missing piece of his life, why didn't he hold on to it with all his force? I couldn't understand. Maybe he would forgive her for cheating on him… Maybe he would realize that I was not worth it.

Something that also puzzled me was to realize that Edward had missed me so much more than I had first thought, while I was in Paris. To hear those words come from _him _made me so confused and happy at the same time. I didn't know how to react. All I was aware of was how happy I was inside. The needles at my heart were gone, but I knew that they would appear as fast as he went back to Sheila again.

_Would he go back to Sheila?_

"Anyway, she made me feel happy again. Very happy. And… I thought of how it had gone for Mom and Dad when they got engaged, they were very young… and I thought that Sheila and I would have it as good as they have it.

"I was so sure of that you had found someone else in Paris, someone better than me that you would stay with. Bella, I had prepared myself for losing you forever. But then, it had been all right with me. I had started to accept the fact that our futures were not together…"

"But – " I interrupted again.

"Shh, Bella," he hushed me. "Please listen, I'm not done yet.

"And then you came back, which I had never thought you would. It was such a surprise for me; I didn't know what to feel. Of course I was more than happy I would finally see you again…"

"Why did you never come and visit?" I wondered, suddenly on the verge of tears.

He sighed, looking deeply into my eyes. "Bella, I'm sorry I – "

The way he looked at me, the way I looked back. How beautiful his face was. I couldn't hold it in any longer.

"I'm sorry."

He chuckled sadly. "For what?"

"For ruining everything for you."

He sighed. "Don't be. You haven't ruined anything. You've only made my life so much better than it would have been without you."

"That's not true," I whispered. "I never stopped loving you in Paris."

He smiled. "Please listen to me. When I met you again, all of my old feelings came back… It was so overwhelming; I didn't know what to do. In a way, it was awkward and uncomfortable, since Sheila and I were engaged…"

_Since Sheila and I were engaged._

What was happening? Where was everything going? I was so confused, so… happy.

"When we fought that day after seeing Sheila... I'm sorry I made you unhappy Bella, I didn't mean to. You were right. That was when I realized that Sheila was _nothing _compared to you. Bella you're everything to me."

"I'm not."

"You can't know that."

"But I do know that."

"Isabella believe me."

"But then why didn't you tell me before I moved to Paris?" I demanded.

"I didn't want to loose you, that's why. I didn't want to ruin our friendship by telling you how I felt; I didn't want to risk that. I wasn't sure you were feeling the same."

"But I did," I told him shyly.

"And then Sheila came…" He became quiet.

I bit my lip. "Will you… forgive her?"

His eyes widened. "Are you insane? Give me one reason to why I would."

His reply surprised me. Wasn't he… going back to her?

"She's so much better for you than me, and you seemed so happy with her…"

He shook his head. "Bella, Bella, Bella," he said with a low chuckle. "Haven't you listened at all? I love _you_, only _you_, forever_ you_. There is no one else I would rather spend the rest of my life with."

I felt my pulse quicken even more. Every heartbeat was so loud inside, I was almost positive he heard it.

"You don't have to be with me…" I told him. "I understand, I – "

This was nothing like I had pictured it at all. Never in my wildest dreams had I expected myself to be so stubborn.

But my reaction was reasonable. Who would want to be with me? I still couldn't grip the fact that Alice hadn't grown tired of me, nor that Jake still kept up with me.

He took my hand. "Isabella Swan, please listen to me."

His voice was so soft and gentle, but still serious. "Okay," I said hesitantly, biting my lip.

He smiled. "I love you. I love you so, so, so, much my heart is swelling in my chest every time I see you. Every time you go away from me, it's like you take half of myself with you. Without you, I'm lost. If you didn't exist, I don't know what I would do.

"I want to be with you, always. I'll do anything for you, _anything_. Please, please, forgive me for everything I've done to you. I swear I'll make it up. There is _no one _I am more dependent on than you, Bella. I love you. You are everything."

Did he love me? The truth was shining so strongly around the words he had just uttered. I didn't know what to feel. Could you become nauseous of happiness? I was walking among pink puffy clouds. He made my vision blurred, while he at the same time made everything clearer than ever.

I had to be with him. I just had to. He was more important than oxygen, than food and water. Edward was my daily need. And the fact that I meant maybe just as much to him made me beyond comprehension.

"I love you, too," I whispered.

He smiled. "Good."

And then he wrapped his arms around my torso, to kiss me again. I kissed him back, barely aware of what was going on. All I knew was how incredible it felt to feel him so close to me, being able to smell and touch him. I loved him, more than anything.

We kissed for a long time. It wasn't until then I fully realized how much time I had wasted before.

Charlie was surprised to find Edward in his house as he returned home, a few hours later. I was almost positive to that he knew what had happened, both the previous Sunday, and now.

His daughter was suddenly happy again, laughing. She had finally found herself again; become the person she had been before she had moved to Paris.

Edward had to leave some time. But after dinner, when he left, the goodbye wasn't as painful as the ones we had shared on every single other occasion we had spent together. He pecked my lips quietly when Charlie didn't see, and I dreamily stared after him as he drove away.

Afterwards, I went to my room to call Alice with a smile on my lips. I was happy. I was truly happy for the first time in a long time, because now I knew that my biggest wish was permanently in the true zone.

_I love you, Edward._

**A/N: Sooo… yeah, sorry but THIS IS THE LAST CHAPTER! NO PREVIEWS! Six Months in Paris is officially finished. **

**THANKS SO MUCH EVERY SINGLE PERSON WHO HAS REVIEWED! I love all of you!**

**Thanks cullensroc for the idea of Sheila cheating on Eddie! It means loads, I wouldn't have known how to solve everything otherwise ;)**

**And concerning a sequel. I knew some of you asked, and frankly I'm not sure. It's leaning towards a "no"-response, but don't give up hope. Maybe in the future. Right now, I want to write something else.**

**But fear no longer dear readers. I have other plots in the baggage. Put me on **_**Author Alert**_**, and soon discover other thrilling tales by Blueberry-Pie2. :D**

**Expect a new story in… 4 weeks? Something like that, I need a vacation from fanfiction. :D**

**Again, a big thanks! And especially to my kickass ooberawesome best friend Knblair86! **

**Ps. Promised a happily ever after, didn't I?**


End file.
